The halls were quiet as they should be tonight.  Not even the faintest sound of servant reached the ears of the two Aes Sedai walking from the Amyrlin's Quarters at such a late time.  The halls might be more crowded and Aramina could name a dozen sisters offhand who might possibly be up this late, but that was more because she herself had worked late hours far too often in her career in the Tower.  It seemed wrong somehow though.  The entire Tower should be awake tonight to witness the outrage that she felt. 

 

Aramina didn't handle betrayal well.  Her trust in people was scarce and the fact that she had been thrown to the wolves tonight left her feeling empty and cold.  She hadn't felt this alone since the night she's met Aran.  Her whole world had changed with that chance encounter and she wasn't the same woman she had been. 

 

The thought struck her so sudden that she stopped walking in her tracks.  She had known it in the beginning, known it beyond a doubt.  She had gone to him time and time again because she found it so hard to trust.  It had been a lie.  HE had been a lie.  Sirayn had been right about him.  He had used her to get information on other people.  He had used her for his own purposes.  He knew of her connections to Sirayn and had simply waited until something had given away her companions. 

 

Amazing really, the coincidences that had come about lately.  She gets captured by Duram, the 'nice' Forsaken who  shows her the error of her ways before sending her nicely on her way.  Where she finds Sirayn missing.  And her dearly beloved suddenly a drunk who wanted nothing to do with her.  At the same time she is being asked to reswear her oaths in front of a new Amyrlin? 

 

And what about the comparison to Lillian?  The young woman who seemed to fit the bill of Aes Sedai almost perfectly in her youth?  The girl who lost a friend as suddenly as Aramina had and at the same stage in their lives?  The woman who had access to most of her Agents in the world?

 

She realized she had stopped, and suddenly couldn't get to her rooms quick enough.  She heard the door close behind her and felt the wards that closed them to the outside.  She couldn't breath.  Everything she had ever known about her life was trying to come crashing down on her.  Had her whole life been just some sort of trap?  Had she just been the bait to get to a bigger fish?  Duram had the means and the patience to play that sort of game.

 

Tears filled her eyes, memories of being in her old quarters and Sirayn storming in to call her traitor, calling Aran on his betrayal herself and the pain she had gone through in the following month.  Other things filled her head too, visions she had been trying to close out since the return from Kandor.  Aran sneaking into her room in the morning to surprise her, or showing up as she travelled the road.  Laughing with him as they lay together in bed, ignoring the world around them. 

 

He had made her who she now was and she couldn't believe it was all nothing.  Her head told her one thing, it plotted and schemed and looked for all the connections that could be made, but her heart denied it just as strongly.  She closed her eyes as she sat lightly in one of the chairs.  Before Lillian could take a seat herself though, Aramina caught her in weaves of air and held her tight. 

 

"Why now Lillian?" She asked as she walked to her.  Her voice broke and the tears she had been fighting feel free.  "Why take everything from me now?  Why spend so much time to make me need you and then rip away now?"

 

"Tell me Sirayn wasn't part of this?"  He voice lowered to a whisper as she fell back into her seat, the weaves disolving around the girl she had hoped to call friend. "Tell me he wasn't."       

 

Aramina sur Dulciena, Keeper of the Chronicles

Being caught in another person's weaves was never a good feeling, especially after what had occurred in Illian.  It was only the tears that betrayed Aramina's shaken state that stopped Lillian from lashing out, or embracing the source and responding in kind as memories of another time returned to her vividly.  Instead, she listened as Aramina spoke, unable to make sense of half of it and the other half only served to stoke a darker feeling within her, anger.  She could understand Aramina feeling betrayed, but lumping her in the same category as that manipulative hag who had once been the Tower's Amyrlin, much good she did, it was infuriating.  As the invisible restraints fell from her, Lillian's hard gaze upon Aramina didn't waver as she took a couple of steps towards Aramina and said.

 

"What are you talking about?  I just ensured that you could never be mistrusted, that you could never be doubted.  I've had to make three people I love unswear and reswear their oaths tonight, challenge the very core of the trust I have with each of you, do you think I enjoyed that?  That I wanted to do it?  It needed to be done, I had to reswear before Annais as well so there could be no doubt in Annais mind that I could be trusted.  I have sworn those oaths three times now, once to make me Aes Sedai and twice to prove I had not betrayed the Light.  I did so because it was necessary, because there could not be any doubt in the minds of those I trust that they can trust me."

 

The tears didn't help Lillian's mood, but the feeling of being bound was too fresh in her mind as she ploughed on.  "I don't even know who 'he' is, and I'd sooner stick my hand in a lion's mouth and then slap the lion across the face than have ever done Sirayn's bidding, willingly or otherwise.  I don't know what you've got going on in that head of yours, but I have never betrayed you.  Not even when I realised after the first decade of us working together that you would never hold me close to heart or open up to me the way I opened myself to you.  Even when I realised you were Sirayn's servant, and you have no idea how much that irked me, I remained loyal to you and didn't betray your secret."

 

That took Aramina aback, and in that moment Lillian knew for certain that her deductions about Aramina over the years were correct.  It had taken long enough to observe, to know Aramina well enough, to look for the trail, but she'd found it.  No matter how much she had been opposed to that detestable woman though, she didn't have it in her to turn against Aramina for it.  "Yes, thats right, I knew.  It took enough years to discover, but I figured it out.  If I were a betting woman I'd think it predated Sirayn's tenure as the Captain General, but that is irrelevant now."

 

"The point is, I haven't ripped anything away from you.  I made sure your loyalty could never be questioned again, not simply because we need you but because I never wanted to see you under a shadow of doubt.  Neither did Annais, which is why we brought you in, so that you can know in turn that neither me nor Annais are Black, nor Maegan for that matter though that was more chance than design.  If we are to ensure that the Tower and our sisters are safe, we must first be completely free from the fear of one another."

 

Raising a hand to her forehead, Lillian was about to start again when she noticed her hand was shaking.  Lifting it away from head and staring at it, Lillian took a deep breath as she lowered her hand and looked to Aramina again.  "Do you have anything to drink?  I don't think my nerves are going to be able to handle much more tonight without some reinforcement, and it probably wouldn't hurt you either.  Light, tonight could have gone better."

 

 

Lillian Tremina

Sister of the White Ajah

Aramina didn't know how to respond to Lillian at all.  They had spend more years than she cared to count working together, regardless of Ajah differences, but nothing in her experience had prepared her for the other woman’s onslaught.  She shook her head.  That wasn't true.  Her reaction after Taei's death had shown her the depths of Lillian’s soul.  It wasn’t the depth that scared Aramina.  It was admitting what she had known all along, that Lillian truly would have been her friend if she had allowed it.  She closed her eyes again, hoping that she could make some sense of things.  Lillian had known about Sirayn, but not the full extent she was sure.  Servant was far from right hand in a secret Order sworn to one woman.  Would that change the White’s opinion of her?  Did it matter anymore?

 

What of the others?  She claimed not to know who “he” was, but how could she know about Sirayn without knowing about Aran?  She took a deep breath before weaving the flows into her tea pot to bring it warm enough.  She stood and walked to her desk, bringing out a bottle of amber liquid from a drawer.  Aramina brought out two shot glasses as well, souvenirs from another time and place with someone who should have been so much more to her, if only she’d been able to accept it in time.  Filling both, she then poured two cups of tea and added another healthy shot into those as well. 

 

She took the shot without waiting for Lillian, then took her seat and blew gently on her tea.  She waited a moment, trying to think how it would be best to continue, but in the end she just talked.  “I can understand it from Annais and I could even expect it from a Red Sister, but what I can’t understand is how you could doubt me after all these years.  You can say that you tested me to prove without a doubt Lillian, but who put the doubt there to begin with?”  She set her tea down and got up, pacing before a window.  “Did they tell you I was in Kandor before the army was sent?  That I was captured by a Dreadlady and held for one of the Forsaken?” 

 

Her hand came up to her neck as she thought about it, “That they collared me with one of those filthy leashes from the Seanchan?”  She took a deep breath to calm her nerves, to try to gain some semblance of who she was around her.  “The only way I made it home was because of my Warder.”  She looked back at Lillian, changing the topic before she could respond.  “I knew that you were trying to reach me, but I couldn’t be that person.  I tried to help you when Taei died because I didn’t want you to take the same path I did.  The problem was that I had already taken this path and been on it for so long I didn’t know how to steer away from it.  A… a few years back I met someone and I knew that it was changing me, but I still couldn’t reach out.”  She looked away, not wanting Lillian to see anything more on her face than she already had. 

 

“I lost him because I couldn’t be someone else. I… don’t know how.  Things happen that change us all but I have given up everything for the Tower.  To have it questioned so completely after I have just barely returned from that… “  she shook her head.

 

Aramina

Listening in silence as Aramina spoke, mentioning things that she had not known of, Lillian attempted to process it as best she could.  Held by Dreadlords and one of the Forsaken, leashed with an a'dam, that she now had a Warder, the vulnerability that she exposed as she explained that she couldn't be what Lillian had wanted when she had returned to find that Taei had died, that she had found someone, a secret love of her own, and had lost him because she hadn't been able to change.  All this poured out, but there was still the first question to address, how she had entertained a doubt about Aramina to begin with, as much as she hadn't wanted to.

 

"Ja'varan Durrlani."  Watching as Aramina lifted her face to Lillian's gaze as the name was mentioned, Lillian decided she was now ready to have her shot.  Wincing slightly as it slid down her throat, Lillian sat the glass back on the table as she spoke.  "She was Black Ajah, more than that she was a host to one of the Forsaken, Crimsonthorne.  While I was on a mission in Illian to investigate the military build up there, I was captured and I got to spend some 'quality' time with Ja'varan.  Somewhere between losing my sanity and my sessions with her, I came to the decision that I couldn't completely rule out anyone."

 

There was no mistaking the pain in Lillian's voice as memories edged at her consciousness, but she deliberately shut them out as best she could as she continued.  "Ja'varan was a close friend of Lanfir and Lyanna and was seen with them often when the pair were Amyrlin and Keeper, and she was well known amongst the Green Ajah as a dedicated Sister.  It raises the question of whether the pair were Black Ajah as well, or whether they were compromised by Ja'varan regardless.  If she had possibly compromised two high ranking Green sisters that then became the leaders of the Tower, there was no sure way to know if others had been compromised."

 

Looking at her tea, Lillian frowned as she noticed it was still too hot, she really wanted something in her hands right then to help her keep focused.  "I am also beginning to suspect that the Black Ajah does not have any one single leader.  If that is the case, then the chances of a sister being a Black Sister multiply, and if I'd known about Kandor then I would have had deeper doubts.  It seems unlikely that you would simply be released from the Shadow's clutches in a war zone, not impossible because you're not the only one to have been allowed free by the Shadow, but very unlikely all the same when you could have been turned."

 

"As things stand...  When the vault was raided by Black Sisters and an Accepted was killed, two years prior you may remember the Accepted died due to an accident?  Several Tower Guard also mysteriously disappeared, more victims of the Black Ajah.  Thirteen of them fled, and thirteen hunters were sent after them under Karana and Arette's orders.  With Sirayn Simeone's disappearance, only one is still alive as far as we know, Kaylan Morin.  Whether it is due to the Black Ajah's machinations or another reason, we can't know but we have to assume the worst."

 

"With the relative failure of the Hunters, and with it becoming quite clear that the thirteen were not the only sisters to be Black Ajah, we have to consider the possibilities of how badly the Tower has been compromised.  We will have to re-examine some of our past assumptions, like that of Shadar d'Mordero whom we always presumed to be a Dreadlord, it is entirely possible that the killer might be from amongst our own ranks.  We also have to acknowledge that any overt move on our part against the Black Ajah will tip our hand, so we are restricted in what we can do because we do not know their numbers, identity, organisation, agenda, leadership, any of it because we cannot effectively combat them if they are roused.  That was one of a number of things that I couldn't tell you until you yourself had been proven beyond a doubt, and something we cannot tell anyone who has not been similarly proven."

 

Feeling steadier, Lillian reached for the tea and sat the saucer in her lap as she took a sip.  It helped, and as she sat it back on the saucer she added.  "There is also much more to tell you, but do you begin to understand the gravity of this now?  Or did you already know some of this before?"

 

 

Lillian Tremina

Sister of the White Ajah

Light help them all, but the Black Ajah?  Proof?  And Sirayn had been hunting them?  Not that it was a surprise because she had always known the Ajah that all claimed to be a myth was far more than that.  Her work with Sirayn had been dark and secretive my necessity and it was only now that she understood the full ramifications of everything they had been doing. 

 

It was the edge of having been Sirayn's right hand as she had, knowing always the work she was doing and it's purpose, but never having the acknowledgment from Sirayn about it's true purpose.  There were always secrets with her former Ajah Head and that had not changed once she had been made the Amyrlin Seat.  She had never been able to find out how much of that had been because of the move Aran made or how much of Sirayn's mistrust was steeped in her own soul but she had always believed it was the latter.  Mistrust grew more of the same.

 

The thought stopped her and she closed her eyes, taking a deep breath.  Mistrust grew more of the same.  So Lillian had done the one thing she could to make sure that she didn't have to become like Sirayn, living without trust and giving it begrudgingly.  Lillian chose a different path, the same impetuous path she always had, and that Aramina hoped she always would.  A path that now let her know without a doubt that there were at least 4 members of the White Tower who could be trusted.  She had a long road to recover her friendship with Annais.  Her words spoken to day would not be so easily taken back even if Annais wanted to forgive them, but that had always been a long road.  100 years of denying ties to someone was not an easy path to break.  Lillian would forgive her anger, she knew it and didn't question it.  Just as she had already forgiven Lillian for her part in all of this.  They had to forgive.  They were all they had left.    Meagan was an unknown to her, but they had been youths in the tower together and there were no doubt ties to Annais for them both that would allow them to come to terms with one another she believed.  They had to.  The Tower had to be strong and they were now the backbone of it.

 

She took another deep breath and opened her eyes, looking up at Lillian as she did.  "I knew of the Black Ajah.  I had no proof but the signs were there if you were willing to see them.  I have no need to say it doesn't exist and hide my eyes when the Last Battle moves so steadily towards us.  I did not know of the others, nor that Sirayn and Kaylan were hunting the Black Ajah.  Sirayn, even before becoming the Amyrlin Seat, was secretive and believed the dark underbelly of things far quicker than the nice shiny front people put on for the world.  It is not possible to have worked with her within the Ajah," she deflected any thought of the Order or any chance that someone else might have been involved as well.  She just hoped Lillian hadn't been paying too much attention to the wrong things over the years.  "and not known how dark she saw the world.  I have long seen the same thing so it was not much of a leap for me."  She said with a small smile. 

 

She decided to make a real leap now, something she was not sure she could have done before.  "I have seen and done dark things in my time at the Tower, but I would not have suspected something like this from you.  You have been the closest thing I have had to a friend for over 100 years and I find that I know so very little about what makes you do the things you do."  A sad smile followed her words this time.  "Perhaps I should still see shadows everywhere, but it seems I am bound to find light now, when everything else is going dark.  Tell me what else there is to tell Lillian. I am not quite  so afraid of the dark any longer."

 

Aramina

 

 

The closest thing that Aramina had to a friend?  It was a heartening thing to know, to know that what they had wasn't completely wrecked.  Perhaps the opposite with Aramina being as open as she was now, but that wasn't something that Lillian was ready to explore yet.  She knew that once she went down that path, there would be little wish to discuss anything else and there was a good deal more to impart to her sister before the night was done.  At least now there would be little hidden between them, perhaps Aramina would then better understand her and her motives over the years, the reasons why she kept going out into the world again and again.  She just hoped that she understood, rather than viewing it as another form of betrayal.

 

"When I was raised, I had a number of friends across the Ajahs and I was eager to prove my thesis of the Tower.  To get out and start working with sisters from other Ajahs, and to this end I loaned myself to the cause of every Ajah.  I go to the Borderlands every year to serve for at least a couple of months which was a practice that started in my second year when I apprenticed myself to Jaydena McKanthur.  I would assist Gray Sisters where they were to be found, Darienna Ceradin before she was the Mistress of Novices and Annais for example."

 

Sipping her tea, Lillian continued.  "I also served Arette Nenattiar, and when she became the Keeper under Karana I performed a number of duties for her.  I helped her organise and expand her Eyes and Ears, and no, I did not compromise ours doing so.  I undertook missions for the Tower while I was out in the world, and I was utilised as an advisor of sorts.  Many questions I was posed didn't see the light of day, but there are other things you would be familiar with like the way that Karana and Arette broke the Hall's political structure...  I was the one who studied the Hall politics and advised Arette how best to completely divide the Hall.  I also told her it wasn't the best solution to their problem of time needed, but they felt they couldn't trust the Hall with the knowledge of the Dragon and after Dumai Wells...  Well, I cannot blame them."

 

Lillian wasn't sure how Aramina was taking this, but there was still more to explain.  She knew Sirayn would be a touchy subject as she arose, but truth was truth and now was the time for Aramina to know it.  "They distanced me from them so that I could not be linked to them and wouldn't suffer the penalty they did.  When Lanfir was chosen as Amyrlin, I couldn't approach her with what I knew, not after she betrayed the Hall by taking Lyanna as her Keeper after she had agreed to take another.  Four sisters were exiled from the Tower so that Lanfir could become Amyrlin and to then betray that sacrifice was a travesty, I couldn't trust her so I kept what I knew to myself."

 

"Likewise, I have never trusted Sirayn.  The damage she might have been able to do with what I knew, things that were never recorded, it couldn't be risked.  Especially with the hostile stance the Tower took against the Dragon under her, it undermined everything I had worked towards under Arette's direction.  Annais I believed would be moderate enough, and sensible enough, to be able to use my knowledge and abilities responsibly.  But, I couldn't be sure of whether or not she was Black Ajah, I had to be certain."

 

Finishing her tea, Lillian set her cup and saucer on the table and began to pour another cup as she continued.  "I stole the Oath Rod from the Vault, then broke into Annais' chambers and forced her to unswear and reswear.  After explaining the Black Ajah, and some of my previous work, Annais asked me to unswear and reswear and I complied.  Not long after, Maegan arrived at Annais door, I hid myself while Annais welcomed her in.  For some reason, which would be interesting to know later, while Maegan visited the Vault, she went to look at the Oath Rod and discovered it wasn't there."

 

"She proceeded to arm herself with one of our most powerful sa'angreal and menaced Annais with it, thinking she might be Black Ajah.  I had to clobber her unconscious with a book from behind while she and Annais struggled, as Annais had managed to get her hands on the sa'angreal, giving her a fighting chance.  After we had Maegan unswear and reswear, we discovered she wasn't Black Ajah but had just jumped to conclusions.  She was then a bit difficult after that, so Annais had to unswear and reswear again to assure Maegan that we weren't Black Ajah.  I advised Annais that you needed to be unsworn and resworn tonight as well, so that there would be no hesitation about sharing information with you.  You know the rest of the night from there."

 

Sitting her new cup of tea on her lap, Lillian smiled slightly.  "Not exactly what you were expecting, I've been a little busier over the years than you knew.  I didn't have leave to speak of it until I gained Arette's permission in Illian though.  Ask what questions you would and I'll answer them as best I can."

 

 

Lillian Tremina

Sister of the White Ajah

The oddest thing happened then.  Aramina laughed.  She looked away and brought her hand to her mouth to cover it, but another broke through and before she could stop herself Aramina simply laughed.  So many things she could imagine Lillian doing, so many thing she remembered her trying to uncover and learn as an Accepted and as a young Sedai.  To know that she had been working for the former Amyrlin and Keeper was not surprising really since she herself had recognized the potential Lillian had back in her earlier days.  She was even able to pass over their obvious differences of opinion when it came to Sirayn.  She would never be able to bend Lillian or Annais to her way of thinking, not they her, but she could agree to disgree if nothing else. 

 

Instead, her laughter made her shake her head and look at the younger Sister.  "You hit her over..."  she laughed again.  "you... with a book?"

 

It was probably the shock of the whole night, but it seemed that the world had taken a slightly humorous spin suddenly.  "Oh light Lillian... you always do the strangest things.  Now you remember why I said a Green should always know a weapon?  Even if it is a good book."  She said with another laugh.

 

Aramina

The laughter was infectious as a chuckle escaped Lillian, and then a full bodied laugh as she was forced to put her tea on the table as she was in danger of spilling it.  It was a bit absurd in hindsight, subduing an Aes Sedai that was armed with a sa'angreal with a hefty book.  Yes, Aramina had been right about needing more weapons than the power, but Lillian had acknowledged that a long time ago.  Aramina essentially saying 'I told you so' and laughing was enough to lighten Lillian heart after everything that had happened, if they could still laugh then they weren't lost.

 

As the laughter eventually subsided, Lillian attempted to get them back on track.  There was too much to be discussed tonight, and it didn't help that she was feeling overtired despite the amount of tea she was drinking.  "It worked, but lets not get sidetracked just yet.  We have some things that we need to decide upon.  Namely, things that need to be taken up with Annais because they regard the safety and security of the Tower, as well as our duties as Aes Sedai to ensure that we are ready for Tarmon Gaidon when it comes."

 

"At the moment, here are five issues that need to be dealt with."  Lifting her hand up, Lillian extended a digit with each point she made.  "The Black Ajah, allying with the Dragon, building our military capacity, the training of our Novices and Accepted, and the war that is already upon us in the Borderlands.  But before we deal with those, if there are any questions you need to ask about what I have been doing over the years, you should ask because you won't find many of the answers elsewhere, not even in the Thirteenth Repository."

 

 

Lillian Tremina

Sister of the White Ajah

The Thirteenth Repository?  Something that Aramina wasn't supposed to admit existed, and something Lillian shouldn't know about.  "How do you know about the Repository?"  She held up a hand.  "No... nevermind.  I'm sure it's a good story, but perhaps one for another time."  She said as she began to think about what the Aes Sedai had told her.  There were too many questions and not enough.  She still didn't feel like she knew enough about Lillian's work to begin to guess at what she had been doing all those years. 

 

"Tell me what you were doing Lillian." She said finally.  "I know who you were working with now, but what where you working towards?"

 

"At first?"  Lillian smiled, that one should have been more self evident.  "You remember the paper I wrote during my final years as an Accepted.  My aim was to break down Ajah barriers, to effect any and every other change I could.  Rather than just saying how things should be, I've lived it as best I could, I've set as good an example as I could of how my ideas worked.  The ones that didn't work I discarded and reformulated, experience is the best teacher after all, but its always been the same.  To unite the sisters by Tower instead of by Ajah, and perhaps get some more good done in the world as a result.  Thats one of the reasons I collaborated with every single Ajah, becoming involved in every facet I could and doing what could be done.  You can't expect things to change unless at least one person begins the process."

 

And a lot had changed, but there was still plenty more to be done.  "Ever since I discovered the Dragon was alive, and that Tarmon Gaidon has been approaching, the need for unity has been all the stronger.  But I've compounded that with the certain knowledge that the Tower cannot stand as it has in the past, apart and in control from afar.  The Dragon is the tool of the pattern, of prophecy, we can no more control him than we can the wheel that spins our threads.  When confronted with such an overwhelming force, a powerful river, our only hope is to swim with and across it, not against it.  Isolation will be the death of us, and our reliance on our neighbours and our politics has cost us too much, half our allies are with the Dragon and the other half are occupied with their own problems like in the Borderlands.  Our only viable option left is to join the Dragon's cause."

It was a hard pill to swallow, the idea of letting a man like the Dragon Reborn free to do his own thing, and it went against everything Aramina wanted, but there were times when you knew the best course wasn't always your preferred one.  Times had chaged Aramina from the strict traditionalist that she had once been.  Perhaps Sirayn's influence had kept her from growing more flexible, but in time she had done so all the same, bending when it was bend or break.   

 

It was all too close to what Duram had shown her as well, too close to the things that she had come to understand under his tutelage.  Perhaps not something Lillian would expect to hear from her, but then again, their friendship was likely to reveal a good many things the two hadn't expected from the other if they managed to get through this. 

 

"I have to agree.  We have isolated ourselves to the point that the common man no longer knows us, except for the ring  and those that do recognize the agelessness show fear, hatred, or contempt.  It's something the Tower has allowed and something we all perpetuate when we stand behind it's Walls and do not go forth.  Alliance to the Dragon might not ingratiate us with everyone, but it proves that we intend to go on as we always have, fighting the Shadow with whatever tools we have at our disposal."

"It does more than that."  Lillian helped herself to her tea as she weighed the best way to explain what she meant.  It was late, or early, and either way it was more difficult to be concise.  "If we open ourselves to the Dragon, the Dragon opens up to us in turn.  We gain access not only to the nations he has taken without the same fear of being watched and impeded, we also gain access to his allies.  Him, we cannot touch, but his allies we can work on and prepare them as best we can.  The Black Tower is something that will have to be accepted now, we must find a way to better harness them.  The Aiel and their Wise Ones are a people we must interact with, learn of and better understand so we can avoid another Cairhien.  We will also need to offer the Wise Ones what training we can so they are better prepared for Tarmon Gaidon, and if they have anything to teach us then we need to learn."

 

"The same applies for his other allies.  The Band of the Red Hand is a formidable fighting force, if you've read reports of them then you will recognise that they are adopting the older Trolloc Era organisation that we will need to better implement in our own forces.  The newly formed Legion of the Dragon could use assistance as well, if it will be taken.  There are so many ways that we can involve ourselves, to help avoid as many mistakes as we can and smooth the way.  The Dragon might be fated to break everything he touches, but what is broken must be remoulded, and that is where we can best serve."  Well, that was the basic plan, anyway.  The details would be much more intricate, but to have a goal was the first step.

 

There were times when Lillian's mind worked to close to her own and the way she was talking today mirrored too much.  It made her uncomfortable, but at the same time there was a strange sort of acceptance in it as well.  It was what had made the years so easy to work with her, even if there had been times when the younger Aes Sedai's tactics had been completely against the grain.  The way the saw things seemed to coincide in most things even if the manner in getting there didn't.  In the question of the Dragon Reborn, she felt they were on the same page.  "So we convince the Hall that the Dragon reborn isn't what must be controlled, but his allies..."  Light but it would take a long time to be able to think about the Aiel as allies.  They had caused a lot of pain to the people she cared about, not to mention the Homeland that she had never ceased to love. 

 

"Not an impossible task, but not one that will happen overnight I'm afraid.  We should probably send fresh Sister's out as well, Sisters who understand out goals and can report truthfully about the affairs of the world and the true state of the White Tower's pull there."

 

"For the most part, yes.  There are some older sisters that would also be of good use amongst the different Ajahs, hopefully with their example we can encourage others towards co-operation as well."  Or so Lillian hoped, there would be some stupidly stubborn sisters, but the ones that were more flexible would be the ones that were invited to take on such assessments.  The ones that couldn't do what was necessary would have to simply be kept out of the way where they couldn't interfere.  "But that is just one of a number of things we need to deal with.  Won't be having everything fixed within a week either, but at least we may be able to use the momentum of Annais' raising to help push towards necessary outcomes."

 

A fond smile passed Aramina's lips as she listened to her Sister.  There would probably never be a time when Aramina didn't remember the Accepted she had been, but it was not a hinderance in being able to see the capable Sister she had become, nor in seeing that the younger woman had done a large amount of work and had much to say about all of this.  "True.  A change of Amyrlin, however unfortunate her choice of Keeper, will certainly make people rethink their politics and those of their Ajah.  Annais has been well able to maintain some inter ajah relations and those can be called upon."  She smiled at her words though, the choice of a Green in any position was not a popular one, though the Hall hadn't been near as upset as it have been at the mere mention of another Green Amyrlin.

 

Nodding, Lillian sipped her tea once more before realising she had just finished her second cup.  Sighing at it, she sat it on the table and began to pour her third cup, aware that they had been speaking a lot about her own ideas but not so much about Aramina's.  It would be good to learn what Aramina's intentions were with her position, perhaps Aramina had ideas that Lillian hadn't considered.  "We have spoken quite a bit about me, what about you?  What intentions do you have as Keeper now?  You don't seem to be the same person that I remember, and your ideas have changed as well.  There is certainly a marked difference in your thinking from when I was an Accepted and a young sister to this day."

 

Aramina took a sip from her own cup to think of a proper response.  Too many things had changed her in the recent past to explain it all, but Lillian was in a position to see those changes the best.  Especially now.  "Kandor changed many things." She said cryptically.  "What Rosheen and I saw, what we were fighting for... it was much easier to see how far we've fallen from the grace of the world.  Even as those people looked to us in hope, they looked in fear as well.  Fear of an Aes Sedai, from the Borderlands?  It's a sign of the times that we live to be sure, but a sign that we have let our good names be besmirched by our own titles."

 

She filled her own cup with tea once more before continuing.  "My goal is simple enough.  To put Aes Sedai back into the world.  We need to be out there to help the people, not holed up here where we are 'safe'.  You and I have both done our share of travelling in the world and we know what we could be doing if were not forced to come back to the Tower.  There is much good a single pair of like minded sisters could do together."

 

Nodding, Lillian decided to add something onto that.  "There is also the issue of our Novices and Accepted, we have to speed the rate at which they are trained.  With Tarmon Gaidon ahead of us, our younger generation will not need most the skills and education we give Aes Sedai.  They're going to need to know how to channel, how to do so responsibly, how to defend themselves and any other skill that will aid them in the coming days.  There are so many subjects that we teach that will not benefit these daughters of the Tower at all if we do not win Tarmon Gaidon.  The Black Tower has a high burn out rate with the speed they pursue their training from what I know, but there must be a way we can near that while minimising the risk to our students.  When Tarmon Gaidon comes, we will need everyone who can make the wind stir."

 

Aramina knew little enough about the Black Tower except what had come from the Order before Sirayn's disappearance and the pained accounts from the women that had been held against their will.  She didn't know what to think of the debacle of that mission, let alone the women who had been returned to their homes as they had been.  "Perhaps we would benefit from a more indepth understanding of how the Black Tower brings it's men along so quickly?  We might gain favor by helping them refine something we have had plenty of time to perfect and in the process find what we can to speed ours up in a safer manner."

 

"There is that."  But there was more to be thought about in turn.  "Even they may be able to teach us something though.  Reports of the Dragon and the some of the weaves that have been observed in his vicinity show that we might actually be able to observe them doing things that we have lost.  We'll have to figure out how to do it due to the difference between saidin and saidar of course, but it is still a very real possibility.  For example, the Black Tower had the ability to Travel before we learned it.  What else they have, as well as the items of power they own are something to be considered.  It may even be possible to trade items, male angreal for female.  But, speculation only goes so far, we won't know more until we establish better relations with them."

 

"I agree.  Good thing Annais has already developed a relationship of sorts."  Everything was still too new to see how the realtions with the two Towers would settle, but at least Annais had been at the start of it.  Being the new Amyrlin, it might give their M'hael a feeling of security to have met with her in person.  The fact that he was new to his position as well coule be good or bad.  Time would tell.  "We need to find a way to foster good relations without causing more unrest within the Ajahs. That could be tricky with the current situation, but we will have to find a way."

 

Nodding, Lillian was beginning to feel the tiredness setting in now, it was a little difficult to bring things into focus when she'd been up for so long, been unsworn and resworn at least once, and gone through a very draining series of events.  At least things were settled now, but there was something else that Lillian hadn't entirely forgotten.  She'd just put it aside until they talked long enough and Lillian had given Aramina enough of an idea of what lay ahead of them.  It was time to return to the earlier part of the conversation.  "Lets put that aside for now, I don't think I can focus on the politics that lay ahead of us now, tired as I am I'm not going to be a source of particularly useful advice.  You mentioned that you met someone a time before, that it changed you, who are you talking about?"

Aramina looked up at the change of topic and felt a slight flush in her cheeks at Lillian's choice of subject matter.  She'd never been the sort of girl to sit around and talk about men.  She didn't know how to do this anymore than she knew how to handle the man anyway.  Light, but Lillian would laugh at her.  Maybe that was what she needed.  Someone to laugh at her and tell her how ridiculous she was after all these years.  "A Tower guard."  She smiled in spite of herself, remembering their first meeting.  "It was a mistake, one of the few times I've lost sight of what I was doing, but no matter how I tried to forget, I couldn't.  In the end, he made me forget what it was like to be Aes Sedai for a little bit and just be a woman.  I've never met anyone else I let forget I was an Aes Sedai, let alone someone who made me forget.  He was... trouble."  her smile faded a bit as she thoguht about Aran.  "But there are things we can't change about ourselves, and sometimes when we find we can, change is too late."

 

Well, that was a surprise.  It wasn't that Aramina had struck Lillian as someone who didn't know the first thing about men, but she certainly didn't strike Lillian as the sort to actually fall for someone, as committed as she was.  Maybe she'd just been committed for so long that she'd just been sideblinded by it, certainly sounded like it.  It was sorely needed though, to actually be able to see what Aramina was like behind that shield she held between herself and everyone else.  She would have to thank the man responsible, for doing something that she was never quite able to.  But how she had trailed off was a bit ominous.  "What do you mean there are things you can't change about yourself?  Or that its too late?"

 

She smiled sadly at Lillian.  Tears filled her eyes but she wasn't about to cry over this again.  She would have thought her tears long since dried up, but there always seemed to be more waiting.  "I did not trust him as I should have, though here have been times when he certainly gave me cause to doubt.  But he saw me for who I am, he saw the parts of me that no one else gets to."  She took another sip of her tea to clear her throat.  "The terrible thing about it all, is that I do love him.  I love him but I was never able to tell Aran and by the time I realized I needed to... he was changed."

 

That was a big admission on Aramina's part, to like someone dearly was one thing, but for her to truly love the man?  Lillian was surprised, just as she was surprised by the moisture gathering about Aramina's eyes, it was clearly a new hurt.  No wonder she'd been so quick to snap at all of them.  Getting up from her seat, Lillian walked over to Aramina and sat on the arm of the woman's chair, draping an arm around her as she spoke.  "Its hard to open up to someone and then find they have shut you out.  Do you know why he's changed?  What has made him the way he is now?"

 

"Cairhein."  She said quietly.  It was odd, to have the other woman's arm around her, but instead of pushing away she leaned into it, allowing the comfort.  She shivered slightly at the close contact with someone else, wondering if she would ever get past that reflex, but it didn't matter.  It was just something to keep her from what she was talking about.  "He lost his family there.  My... my great-niece is in Cairhein and she brought him back to the Tower.  She didn't know everything, but he had been hurt badly and his entire family murdered after they had risked themselves in the fighting."

 

Family?  Lillian was surprised that Aramina would mention such, but this was the new Aramina it seemed.  The one who was willing to talk about herself, about personal things, open herself up in the same way that Lillian had opened up to her for so long.  The news that the man's family had been butchered was a terrible thing though, especially since it seemed they had been killed after the fighting had finished.  A horrible thing for someone to have to deal with, she knew, it would just take him time to deal with.  Squeezing Aramina's arm, Lillian shook her head at Aramina.  "He will need time then, to recover and to absorb what has happened.  Once he's done that, then you can be sure of his feelings, but for now there is no chance that he could be himself."

 

Aramina shook her head.  "He won't let me near him.  I know why.  I can understand why.  It doesn't change that I don't agree with it, nor does it hurt any less to watch him hurting and not be able to do anything about it."  She looked up at Lillian.  "But it was Aran that opened me up to the world more and more.  He made it possible for me to know my great neice in Cairhein, and eventually to being able to bond when I did."  She smiled again.  "There were times when I didn't think he was worth the trouble, when knowing about the other women hurt more than I wanted to  let them, but I couldn't let him in and closer.  In Kandor I realized how wrong I had been to try to try to keep it all hidden.  Too late though."

 

Frowning at the mention of other women, Lillian decided to leave that be and focus on the more important aspect of this.  Aramina seemed resigned about what had happened, but Lillian was determined to give her hope, even if it meant talking about something that, despite the years, certainly wasn't something she enjoyed talking about.  "You know...  My ninth year as a Novice was spent at the Farm.  I ran away from the Tower, heedless of all rules and restrictions, of everyone else around me and I was gone for a week before I was recovered.  Have I ever told you about why I ran away?  And why I ended up at the Farm rather than being made a public example of before everyone to discourage them from trying to leave?"

 

Another sudden change of topic, but Aramina knew Lillian by now and she was getting to something.  She'd not known about the runaway and would never have guessed it of her.  "I did not know about it.  What happened?"

 

"My parents were coming to visit me, traveling with a merchant train that was passing through Tar Valon so they could see me.  It had been eight years since I had seen them."  A slight smile at the thought, but one that quickly disappeared as she continued.  "I received a letter from my cousin, Aviel, that their merchant train had been attacked and both my parents were killed the better part of a week's travel away from Tar Valon.  They were going to wait for me as long as they could before conducting the burial, but they couldn't wait forever."

 

"I didn't even think twice about it, I escaped Tar Valon that night and rode hard to where they were waiting, barely slept that week, and usually only when I passed out in the saddle.  Halvie caught up with me at the funeral, I don't really remember much of afterwards, or being brought before the Mistress of Novices, I didn't care anymore.  Making an example of me would have been useless, and they wanted me to recover yet still be punished, so the Farm was it.  I spent a lot of time there, and it took me months to even realise I was there, to come out of what had happened, to realise that I couldn't bear it all on my own shoulders."

 

Drifting off for a moment, Lillian shook her head slightly as she continued.  "My point is that people act out of character when something like this happens, and it can take them a long time to recover from it and they can only do so when they're ready to.  Just because he rebuffs you now doesn't mean he will once he is through the worst of it."

 

"I don't know."  Aramina said honestly.  "It's not just grief.  His family was murdered.  I understand the need to push me away, to keep anyone that was close to him away so that they won't get hurt either.  I don't know if he will ever get past that though."  She took a deep breath.  "But I will not get past him that easily either i'm afraid.  If he needs time he'll get it.  I waited one hundred and fifty years to fall in love with the most insane, infuriating man I've ever met.  I won't walk away that soon.  And no matter what else happens, I can't let him walk away without knowing how I feel.  It might not mean much now, but I need to tell him."

 

"Give it time."  Hugging Aramina as she spoke, Lillian couldn't help but feel sorry for Aramina in how things had turned about.  But there would be time for things to heal, or so Lillian hoped.  Seeing Aramina as she was, well, as always she just hoped that Aramina would be happy.  "When the time comes, you'll be able to find out the truth of things, but until then don't destroy your hope in your chances.  You do that, and you really have given up."  Pulling back, she had to cover her mouth as she yawned.  She really needed to sleep, but not yet.  "So, what do you think has changed?  Needed to change?"

 

Aramina took a deep breath.  "Not as much as it would seem.  What I feel, what I've always felt, it's just been kept at bay.  I never wanted to lose anyone again... not like... Natalie.  Or Michael."  She was finding it hard to believe that she was mentioning Michael as well, but he was a bit part of why she had turned so completely away from people.  Maybe she would have been able to get over Natalie's death in enough time, if Michael hadn't died as well.  "I'm.. not strong enough to live like that."

 

"The heart is like every other muscle."  Lillian smiled at Aramina as she patted her arm.  It was a simple thing, but it was as true as true could be, an axiom as it were.  "It gets stronger the more you use it.  You hide away from people, then the heart is easily wounded the moments it is exposed.  The only way you're going to learn to be strong enough is by using it.  There are good people around you, if you're willing to trust and open up, some might prove unworthy but there are others who will be true to you and be worthy of your trust."

 

Aramina nodded.  "I am trying. I..."  She wasn't sure what to say, but it was now or never and she knew it.  "I'm sorry that I wasn't able to open up before.  I don't guarantee that I won't screw up and you should know before hand that my temper isn't pretty to those who get to see it.  But if you still want a friend, I would be honored to call you such."

 

"About bloody time."  Poking the slightly shocked Aramina in the ribs, Lillian grinned at the effect her language had on her older Sister.  "But now its time for sleep I think.  That or I'm going to have to lie down on that lounge over there.  Its been a long day and short of a miracle, I'm going to collapse."

Aramina smiled at the younger Aes Sedai.  "The lounge." She said, pushing her to it.  "There is something else we need to discuss before we end things though.  You made me reswear my oaths, as you have our Sisters and you as well.  There is only one problem with all of this."

 

She waited until Lillian was comfortably seated before continuing.  "I have only your word that those other events happened.  Yet your own words tell me that any one of you could be the Black Ajah.  Was there something you intended to do to prove the truth to me as well?"

 

Sighing as the inevitable question came from Aramina, Lillian shucked her shoes off and proceeded to lay out on the lounge.  She might be here for awhile it seemed, and while she was all for proving to Aramina beyond all doubts, she also really wanted to sleep now.  Too much in one night.  "I was meant to swear on the oath rod before you after we had sworn you, it was only because of how badly you reacted that I put it off, and from Annais acquiescence I think she felt it the higher priority that you be brought up to speed."

 

"I can still swear on the oath rod for you.  I would beg that you let it wait until morning though, I've already sworn once tonight and unlike Annais, I didn't have the benefit of a few hours sleep before having to do it twice."  Wincing at the thought, Lillian didn't envy Annais a bit.  But, if it was required of her now, then they could go straight back to Annais' quarters and retrieve the oath rod.  "But if you want, we can go back to Annais quarters and you can unswear and reswear me yourself.  Unless you can think of another way which doesn't involve that rod that could prove beyond all certainty."

 

“Swear on her memory.”  The words were out of Aramina’s mouth before she had even thought them.  Too much had unnerved her lately and she realized how badly her own facades had been failing her.  Not just tonight, but since she had returned from Kandor.  She wished she could blame it on the bond with Rosheen, but she knew it wasn’t true.  Her warder might wear her heart on her sleeve, but Aramina was more than able to contain emotions when she was in her right mind.  It wasn’t her mind that was the problem though, but her heart and she had no way to cope with that now that she had been so completely thrown aside. 

 

There were a lot of things that Lillian would be able to speak around and any Aes Sedai worth her salt could lie with or without the oaths.  If Lillian was a member of the Black Ajah she wouldn’t even have that oath to contain her lies, however Aramina had seen something in the girl she had been once upon a time.  Her grief over Taei’s death had been real and nothing she had seen sense had dulled the memory.  In fact, events had contrived to make certain she remembered it in stark relief recently.

 

“Swear on her memory, that all you tell me is true and that you saw the others unswear and reswear their oaths.  Swear on her memory that you are not of the Black Ajah and neither are they.”

 

Looking up sharply as Aramina asked of her something that she had never thought would be asked, Lillian kept her silence as her friend told her what she was swearing to.  It was something they didn't speak about, something shared between them that was never mentioned because it didn't need to be mentioned for both of them to know it was in the mind of the other.  Aramina did not poke into her feelings about Taei in the same way that Lillian did not poke into Aramina's feelings about Natalie.  It was something they didn't do, simple as that, for her to ask...  Well, it was as good as it would get short of the oath rod, Aramina had that right.

 

Reaching over to Aramina and taking the nearest hand in her own, Lillian kept Aramina's gaze as she spoke.  "On the memory of Taei, I swear that what I have told you is true, that I am not Black Ajah and that I have made sure they are not either by making them unswear and reswear."  Squeezing Aramina's hand more for her own support than to assure the other, Lillian was somewhere else for a moment before she came to once more.

 

"Do you mind if I stay the night?  I really need to sleep, I can slip away to my quarters later without being seen."

 

Aramina took a deep breath as Lillian spoke the words.  There was a part of her that would always hate herself for mentioning Taei to Lillian, the part that knew how she had been part of the girl’s death, but there was nothing more she could do.    Lillian’s hand stayed in hers a moment longer as she asked to stay and there was nothing left in Aramina that could deny her.  She didn’t want to be alone anyway and she had even considered asking her friend, before dismissing it as being too weak.  As much as she had bared her soul to Lillian tonight, there was some part of her that was looking to find a way to build walls back up to protect her.  Asking Lillian to stay would have been too much just yet.

 

The question made her feel less weak though, as if Lillian too needed to comfort of a friend close by in a night that was suddenly filled with Darkfriends and Black Ajah plots.  She smiled at Lillian then, a smile that showed more relief than she would have liked.  “Do you fear being seen with me?” She teased lightly.  “I can guarantee more scandalous people have made their way from my rooms.”  Her smile faltered a little at the jest but she covered it by standing and moving over to kneel on the floor beside Lillian.  “I could use a little company tonight myself.” She finally admitted.

 

"Lets go get some sleep then."  Getting to her feet, albeit slowly, Lillian smiled a little as she pulled Aramina up.  Scandalous indeed, she would have to learn more about this Aran who had caught Aramina so.  She'd always heard of him as a troublemaker and a troubadour and numerous other descriptions, but how he had enraptured Aramina would be a story for another time.  One when she was capable of carrying a coherent conversation, because the ability to do so was fading quickly.  Which was why she didn't say anything else as she followed Aramina to her quarters, shutting the door behind them.