Dear Anikin,

 

Why do you just try to kill your offspring. everyon knows the best way to deal with them is to eat them!

 

- Cronus

 

PS: wtf is up with all this Padame, Padame, oh i long for you my Padame. in my days, men acted like men, not liek Bella from Twilight.

Dear Cronus (or should I call you grandpa),

 

We need to get together to discuss how crazy father (you're son Zeus). Is becoming...are you still hungry?

 

Kratos

Kratos,

 

last time i ate him, he gave me a horrible case of indegestion that lasted for near a millenia. make sure to bring an ample supply of Prilosec OTC and we'll talk.

 

Cronos

Dear Cronos,

 

You think you're so tough? I am the most powerful Jedi that ever lived! I am more powerful than everyone.

 

I will rule my new empire and you will all bow before me! And I will save Padme!

 

Anakin Skywalker

Dear Ani,

 

hurry up then, I'm waiting? Seriously, and YOU complain how long it takes me when we want to go out

 

Love,

Padme

Padme,

 

waiting on a man to save you. be a woman and save yourself, girl! soft wetlander, i'm surprised you dont still play with dolls and have your hair in braids.

 

- Avendha

Ninja'd!

 

Dear Aviendha,

 

I can't believe you let that man muddle your wits! Rand al'Thor is the most stubborn woolheaded . . . Did you see how he treats Aes Sedai? It's . . . it's revolting!

 

Egwene

Dear Egwene,

 

Aes Sedai deserve respect, but not as much as they think they do.

 

Every Aes Sedai except for you and my first-sister.

 

~Avienda

Avi,

 

How YOU Doin. *wiggles eye brows suggestively*

 

- Mat

Dear Mat,

 

I think you've gone suicidal.  You should talk to Nynaeve about that.

 

~Aviendha

Avi,

 

Dont send him to me, he's beyond my help. i happen to knwo on good authority that he ate paint chips as a kid.

 

- Nyn

Dear Nyn,

 

You owe me, woman.  You dropped me off in the back of beyond when you knew very well I was expecting you to put me at Tarwin's Gap.  And stop with the recruiting already!

 

Your husband,

Lan

Dear Lan,

 

I denied being king before it was cool. You hipster you.

 

Sincerely,

 

Aragorn.

Aaragon,

 

Now that was funny. i dont care who you are.

 

- Mater

Dear Mater,

Heees been helping the filthy hobbitses who has the precious! Kill him!

Your truly,

Slinker and Stinker

Slinker and stinker,

 

What do you do with potatoes...boil em mash em stick em in a stew...even you couldn't say no to that.

 

Sam

Dear Sam,

 

My dear, dear Sam.  I'm glad to be with you, Samwise Gamgee…here at the end of all things.

 

Sincerely, 

Frodo

Frodo,

 

Shire....baggins...

 

Nazgul

Witch King,

 

Monologues do in the villain everytime. Thanks for the chance to stab you in the knee.

 

Meriadoc Brandybuck

Merry,

 

Thank you for the knee stab...what did that do to your hand again...don't you know that no man can kill me...even a little short one.

 

Witch King

Witch King

Your mace.....*breathe* is nothing compared to the power of the FORCE!

*breathe*

-Vader

Don't try to frighten us with your sorcerers ways lord vader

 

Admiral motti

Admiral Motti,

I find your lack of faith disturbing.

*force choke*

Love,

Vader

Dear Vader

 

MY hat!

*snatches*

 

Yours huffily,

 

Sauron

Sauron,

I was the real bad guy. You are just my puffed up lieutenant.

Yours from beyond,

Morgoroth