Dear Barbie Princess of Swan Lake,

 

My apprentice is currently busy destroying the Jedi one by one. Please do not distract him by commenting on his complexion. He may be sensitive.

 

Once more, the Sith will rule the Galaxy and we will have peace

 

Darth Sidious

Darth Sidious,

 

Thank you for truly understanding the Rule of Two. Keep up the good work and get on the whole ruling the galaxy thing.

 

Darth Bane

Darth Stealer,

 

Do not steal my name or I will destroy you!

 

Bane,

 

Ask Batman for referrals

Bane,

 

When will you come back to me? I miss having you as my slave.

 

Your master

Poison Ivy

Dear Poison Ivy,

 

guys like metal chicks better.

 

Sincerely,

 

Vin, Heir of the Survivor.

Vin,

 

Everyone knows that I am the most desirable, don't try and kid yourself otherwise.

 

Cersei Lannister

Dear Cersei,

 

Who are you again?  I don't recognize the name.

 

Sincerely,

 

Eowyn

Shield Maiden of Rohan

Dear Eowyn, 

 

I like your style, but sometimes you worry too much about getting the guy. 

 

Try to focus more on your horses, or defeating your enemies through deception and cunning.

 

All the best, 

 

Arya Stark

Stupid mortal girl, who looks like a boy,

 

What do you know about deception and cunning? If you do, you may apply in Shayol Ghul.

 

Mwaha-ha-ha.

 

On your knees in front of the True Dark Master!

..   . , .

......   ... ...  ... .

 

What's that comma doing among my Saa?

 

Moridin,

 

Nae'blis

Your message must be to the person who sent the last message

I think it was to Arya, she just forgot to put that at the beginning 

 

Dear Moridin, 

 

Can you wear some sunglasses or something? Your saa are making me and my pets nauseous.

 

Yours with much respect my Nae'blis

 

Graendal

Dear Graendal,

 

It has come to my attention that you embrace the Dark Side.  The Jedi Order has dispatched me to dispatch you should you fail to see the error of your ways and renounce this Dark Side (Dark One) that you serve..

 

Sincerely,

Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jedi Master

Obi Wan,

 

Purple lightsabers are better.

 

Mace Windu

Mace Windu,

 

You look familiar, have we met before or somethin'?  Solid lookin' guy there.

Gotta go, these flippin' avengers are tearin' up my flippin' plane

 

Angrily Yours,

 

Nick Fury

Dear Mr. Fury,

 

How is your peripheral vision? I would have a hard time with one eye covered all the time. 

 

Of course, I needn't worry about that! I'm a God!

 

All the best!

 

Loki. 

Loki,

 

Marry me pleaaaaseeee I love youuuuuu, 

 

Hallia

 

Gods are overrated.  I would know.  Tell your brother to stop trying ...steal...my thunder? Hah!

 

Raiden

Hello Raiden, errr Jack...

 

You can keep your lightening. Thor is just puny without his hammer. 

 

You don't want to make me mad, though. 

 

Sincerely,

 

Bruce Banner.

Bruce,

 

Don't forget the small little pills that I have sent you against stress to keep you calm.

 

Yours concerned,

 

Dr Jekyll

Dear Dr. Jekyll,

 

never change.

 

Sincerely, Mystique.

Dear Mystique,

 

I have better tights than you.

 

Sincerely,

Robin

Dear Robin,

 

I'm a better sidekick than you.

 

Dr. John Watson

Dear Dr. Watson,

 

Can you play a flute and juggle?  I once picked up a couple Andoran sheepherders as apprentices and I never could teach the one the juggle nor the other to play the flute worth a fig.

 

Sincerely,

Thom Merrillin

Thom

 

Who needs to juggle when they can toss the dice for a living?

 

Mat

Mat,

 

You know about women.  Can you help me think of what to say to Elayne?  No, wait . . . to Aviendha?

 

Burn it all, man, just help me figure out what to say!

 

Rand

My dearest Rand

 

Ill kill those hussies! You're mine!

 

Lanfear