Disgust filled his stomach as he walked out of the barracks. No matter what else had happened, he had truely outdone himself tonight. When had he even thought that he could keep his personal feeling out of this? When he had thought she wanted to wait for him. When he had thought that she had real feelings for him. Blood and bloody ashes, there had been no promises and he certainly hadn't played the part of the celibate but he had thought he meant something to her! It wasn't what she had done that bothered him and he certainly couldn't blame the boy for it as much as he wished he could, but he though he had meant enough to her that she would have at least talked to him. They had become friends, he had thought, and with all the bantering they had done he had thought that someday they might be more. Or at least try to be once she got through training. Well, he had been clued in to the truth tonight at least.

 

His own words still haunted him though and the thought that he had hurt Sahra because she had hurt him made him feel every bit a monster. Light, he cared for the girl too much. He had always known that but it had never interfered before. He had been a good mentor, he knew that. She progressed her skills every day, she learned fast and listened. Of course she had a healthy view of rules and rule breaking, but Sana had always had that as well even before Aran had come into the picture. And how was he supposed to punish her for the rule breaking when it was everything else that he wanted to punish her for?

 

He stopped his walking and took a deep breath, not even aware of where he was. He had walked himself to the Yards and, without thought, to Aran's tree. Why here? Probably because if his mentor had heard half of what he'd said tonight he'd have tied him to it, in that flaming dress and had Cairma pretty him up again. Light, he was making a mess of things. He threw himself down, moving until his back was against the tree and staring up into the sky as he did so, trying to calm himself.

 

Objective. Be objective. She broke rules. You have to punish her. You're more than passing familiar with a fair number of ladies and she was only with one man. That thought undid him again because he knew that for Sahra that meant she had truely only been with one man and once upon a time he had thought he would be that man. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath then, pulling the Spring around him to try to find a way to focus his mind and give himself some clarity.

 

He heard the footsteps coming and he didn't open his eyes right away. There were only 3 people it could be really, coming so purposely for him. The boy, coming to face him which he doubted after having seen Cairma's face when he had walked out. Aran, if Cairma had finished with her mentee and felt that Sana needed his mentor to flush this one out, which he hoped wasn't the case. The last thing he wanted was Aran in his face when his emotions were so raw. And lastly, and the one most likely, was Cairma. As he opened his eyes, he found it to be true.

 

He gave her a small, bitter smile. "What a nice night to be out." He said, surprising himself that his voice sounded so pleasant.

 

Ursana Tahn Sakhr

If there was one person in this whole arguement that she would be able to understand, or at the very least relate to, it would be Ursana. And for a brief moment she secretly wished she didn't, but the whole truth of the matter was that she was in the same possition as him, but with a very different understanding and approach to the situation she was in in comparison to his. After all, none would know of hers, but tonight it was obvious who's feelings were hurt and to the extent the damage had been given. Love was precarious and unimaginatively encompassing for which, if broken, felt... to be blunt.. like death. And by avoiding it Cairma would admit to nothing.. Her mind flickered to her ownself reflection, but she needed to concentrate to the situation at hand.

 

There were few places she knew that Ursana would retreat to, and like his own mentor, the vast tree in the yard held a secondary shadow that indicated that she had guessed correctly. That tree held a few memories, some of which were long past forgotten, but still held the brutal mark of her blade in the tree. Chasing Aran through the yard in nothing but a wet white shirt. She would have killed him had she not been so embarrased that day. But the mark in the tree remands even though the memory faded. A reminder of her own temper that held no reigns. A lesson fully yet to be learned.

 

"What a nice night to be out."

 

Her eyes gazed to Ursana's as her smile bitterly echoed his. "Indeed." Cairma returned, as they fell into an awkward silence as the yard lay before them still and silent for all but the Watch on the Tower walls. "Poor turn of events for an otherwise pleasant day. Depending on how you regard it, that is."

 

Cairma turned to look at him, seriousness of the situtaion forced her to be the responsible and logical one, but it was clear to her that Ursana needed a friend, not a ripremand. After all, he had done nothing wrong and was merely a victim of circumstances.

 

"Talk to me, Ursana." Her eyes softened in a way that few ever saw, or would ever see. "I saw your look back there, and even now you're becoming torrent of emotions that has you bursting at the seams." She kept her voice soft, hoping he would say something. Please don't make me get Aran.....

 

 

 

Cairma Vishnu

"Talk to me, Ursana."

 

There was something in her voice, something that said she wanted to have this conversation as little as he did. The truth was that they would have to no matter. He didn't know what to say or even how to start, but in the end he just opened his mouth and it came out.

 

"I met Sahra just a little while before she came to the Yards. She worked at an Inn I used to frequent. Still do from time to time." He said, looking down at the ground as he talked. "She was fun and pretty and we got along well. I was taken by surprise when she walked up to me in the Yards one day and told me that I was her mentor. Ginae had told me I'd get one and i'd meet her in the morning, but Sahra wasn't that patient." He shrugged as he looked up at Cairma then.

 

"I explained the rules to her. No matter what, I couldn't be involved with her until she was a Tower Guard. She didn't like it anymore than I did, but there are rules to break and rules you don't. So I was her mentor. Maybe I should have gone to Ginae and told her to assign Sahra somewhere else, but my feelings have never gotten in the way of her training."

 

He didn't know what to say next. He didn't know what to do or say or think. All he could do was feel his way through it and he was raw enough that just talking to Cairma about it was eating him up again. "I was under the assumption that once she got through her training there would be... us... but she seemed to have forgotten to tell me all about them. Light, if she'd have told me I could take that, but to walk in and have to figure it out on my own..." he shook his head uncertain what else he could add.

 

Ursana Tahn Sakhr

Cairma listened in silence a she watched the snow flitter down around them. Her concern over the situation was evident, but Ursana had never struck her as a jealous person. Maybe it was because he studied under Aran and she could hardly see Aran getting caught up on a singular woman let along become jealous enough about the woman. It was an obscure assumption that was enough for Cairma to pause as she listened to the torrent of emotions that seemed almost so very similar to hers, but so very not. Passionate, scared, hurt.. two out of three that she could understand.

 

"I don't believe that you were ever meant to find out that way, nor ever." The look she recieved from Sana caused her to pause. "Sorry.. that came out wrong. What I mean is that I don't think that the two of them were ever anything but good friends with eachother and had never expected to develope anything more. It appeared to me that they were very much confused by the situation as you were which then contriubted to the high emotions."

 

She paused and looked up at a swaying branch, snow slowly collecting on the bare branch. "But, on the account of all women, You are extremely stupid. Sleeping around with others while expecting someone to wait for you. I truely hope you are not pulling a page from Aran's book by believeing that the more women you sleep with the more achomplished you will be or of any of those lines. That's just simply insulting to Sahra."

 

 

 

Cairma Vishnu

Tower Guard

Ooc: leaving it open for you to argue.. etc.. :)

Sana let out a small laugh at her words. "Aran taught me to handle weapons and to prepare for battle. I don't ask him or anyone how to live my life. If Aran wants to move from woman to woman that's his business. If I do, it's mine. I never promised Sahra that i'd wait for her through her training. I never gave her any reason to think I would, but she did give me reason to think she was waiting for me. It's not that she's with someone else." He said, exasperation coming through in his voice.

 

He didn't think Cairma was going to understand him, but he'd at least try. At least talking about it made him understand why he was hurting like he was. "It's that I meant so little to her that she didn't tell me anything. Maybe there was nothing there before tonight, but I don't see that. I don't see her going from no feelings for someone to willing to sleep with them in a matter of hours."

 

He took a deep breath and let it out, calming himself. "It doesn't really matter though." He said with a shake of his head. "I never let me feelings interfer and I won't now. She needs a mentor and after all this she'll still need a friend and I will still be that until she gets through her training."

 

Ursana Tahn Sakhr

She sighed a little, "I think you missed my point, Ursana. Sahra and Fior are a very recent development that may not have occured if it had not been for their little scare on the lake. How could she tell you that she had feelings for Fior if they had not existed before that point?" She shrugged a little, "A lot can happen in the heat of the moment.. no pun intended."

 

Cairma paused for a moment as she continued her arguement. She was in no way angry, but she wasn't too thrilled that Ursana was taking such a limited view on the conversation. She raised an eyebrow at him. "I think your view on the matter is too limited. The problem is that you have allowed your emotions to become involved. And like it or not, it will be brought to question. Your resolve may shatter to bits when you see her in the morning in the Yard, Along in the Mess hall, Chatting with her friends." She eyed him carefully. ".. Or talking with Fior. You have a jealousy streak a mile wide and a mind set of how you do things that is going to hinder any progression in not only Sahra's training but also your friendship. The Warders Yard is not built only on swords and stone. If you can not trust your men at arms, those that fight along side you, then there is a problem."

 

 

 

Cairma Vishnu

Tower Guard

He ignored the first part of Cairma's words because he figured they would never see eye to eye on it. He knew Sahra. Feelings hadn't just developed. They had been there, even if she had denied it or refused to see it. Had she thought at all about him before she plunged herself into this other man's life? Had she thought to stop and think? No. Probably not. The moment had caught her up, he had no doubt, but he had always thought more of her. Light, he would have felt better if he could know for sure that she would have told him herself, but he doubted that as well. He doubted she would have come to him with the truth, but would rather have told them of their feelings and left the rest of it aside. To protect him, she would tell herself.

 

He let out a deep sigh. "I trust any Tower Guard with my life, on these walls and without them. When Sahra reached the point where she is a Tower Guard I will trust her with my life as well. If I trust her with anything more, only time will tell."

 

He spread his hands open then. "So what would you have me do Cairma? Put aside her training? Go to Ginae at this point and tell her to assign her elsewhere? I know her better than anyone here and starting over with someone else will only delay her progress. I have no illusions that it will be easy to continue her training, but if I don't then I'm not the man I think I am. I am a Tower Guard and not for the love of a woman would I throw aside my duty here. I can continue with her. If it sooths you at all, if I find I can't conntinue I will be the first to speak with Ginae. I won't be the one to halt her training. She has worked too hard to be what she is."

 

Sana

Cairma stood away from the tree, taking a small moment to brucsh off a few flakes of snow that had fallen on her shoulders. Breathing in the coolness in the night. "You know, Ursana. You're not going to be given a choice in the matter, Sahra is."

 

She looked to him with a leveled look, the seriousness all over her face. "Given tonight, anything beyond teaching that girl how to use a sword, I don't feel that you are even remotely qualified for. You can guide that girl into battle, but you can't ready her for life." She held up her hand to keep the boy silent. "I may be wrong, but that is how I feel about this, and you will not be changing my mind.

 

"However, Sahra can. She will choose if she will allow you to mentor her still, and you will abide by her choice regardless of why. The next time she see's you, she will inform you of her choice." She waited for a nod of his head of confirmation before continuing. "I decided not to go to Ginae about this because of your involvement in the matter. It could potentially pull in Brand and become more than what it needs to be. Don't make me regret it."

 

Cairma turned to walk away but paused in midstep. "By the way, for a boy i've known to be fairly low maintenance, you're really selfish. It seems to blind you." She waited a moment, for any last minute thoughts from Ursana. She still had Sahra to talk to, making the night still quite young. What a night....

 

 

 

 

Cairma Vishnu

Tower Guard

Sana listened as Cairma talked, trying to keep his thoughts to himself. He couldn't agree with her on some points and on those it wouldn't pay to disagree. People saw things differently and as Cairma had already admitted he couldn't change her mind, there was no point trying to.

 

He was relieved that she wasn't going to make a bigger issue of this than she already had, but it was her last words that had him speechless.

 

Selfish? He had no idea where that one was coming from. He wouldn't argue it with her of course, because everyone saw what they wanted in others, but it didn't mean he agreed with her assessment. In what way did she find him selfish though? He had worked hard to help Sahra because he knew how important this was to her. He'd been a friend and mentor when he couldn't be anything else. His heart had been on his sleeve for that girl to see since they had first met and if she didn't understand that he wasn't seeing anyone else because of her then she was just daft. Sure, he might be visiting a few beds, but there was nothing else to it, just a little fun. No relationship and no thoughts of it. Sahra understood that about him.

 

It was that aspect that made this hard for Sana. He knew Sahra had never been with anyone else before. And he knew that she wouldn't sleep with someone she didn't have feelings for. So, while Sana was keeping himself free of any relationship for the day she was free of her trainee status, she had just thrown herself into one.

 

He took a deep breath and shook his head as Cairma started to walk away. "Thank you Cairma." He didn't know if she was listening anymore or not, but at least he said it. "For my trainee and for the talk." They might not agree but she had tried to help him and in the end she was doing what she could for Sahra and that's what really mattered to him.

 

Ursana Tahn Sakhr