It had been three days from the wonderful wedding ceremony and celebration and Arette still glowed with the inner happiness of a newly wed... and a very satisfied woman. Now that glow was however dimmed by an annoyed grimace as she crawled on her hands and knees through a dog door sized Gateway that connected Helena's garden to Telcia's residence in Ebou Dar. It would be a never ending source of frustration to her that she was too weak in Spirit to Travel properly. Her demeanour brightened as she turned to look back at her daughters and urged them to walk through and come to her. At least they didn't have to bend to get through. She hugged them for a moment before closing the opening. The girls were eager to go and play again with Jelene and Jamal who they had gotten to know at the wedding and she had to stop them from running off wildly.

 

She greeted a bit startled servant as she exited the guest room they had dedicated to this purpose and asked about Kit and Telcia. The mistress of the house was on a business meeting but she got the directions to Kit's quarters. First she however would have to make sure that her children were in good hands with Livia, Iussi's old nurse. She wasn't certain that the woman had done such a great job with the boy but maybe she could be trusted to keep the children from getting hurt. It startled her to detect a weak spark of channeling in the woman but since she had lived so long, she must have found a way to control it. Livia was too old to become a novice anyway and after a brief exchange of words, Arette retreated from the company of the wilder sufficiently assured.

 

As headed to Kit's rooms, she hoped that Ragan would not be there. She didn't really mind meeting him and they could have a pleasent discussion but right then she wanted to talk women's stuff with Kit and in general catch up. She smiled brightly in greeting as her mentee opened the door and pulled her to an embrace. As they parted, she peeked inside wondering if Kit's Warder was there. Finally she just deciced to ask.

 

"It is good to see you again, dear. I hope that you have had a good time in Ebou Dar." She followed Kit's urging and stepped inside. There was no sight of Ragan. "What have you been doing since the wedding? And where is that Warder of yours?" He and Iussi had been roommates as trainees and Tower Guards if she recalled correctly, so maybe they were out together. Ragan was much more serious minded so maybe he would keep Telcia's husband out of trouble.

It had only been a few days since Arette's wedding. The day had been joyous and thrilling, and so many other things. Kit thought she might be still full from all the food she'd eaten after the ceremony. It had been so kind for Telcia and Iussi to offer a place for she and Ragan to stay. It seemed so close to Arette's new home even though she was in Illian and Telcia's home was in Ebou Dar. The miracle of Travelling had truly made the world a smaller place.

 

Hypothesizing on Travelling, Portal Stones, and the Arches even now, her quill made soft scritching noises across the page. A soft knock rapped on the wooden door to her chambers. Blowing quickly to dry the ink, Kit capped her ink bottle and rose, opening the door slowly. Her mentor stood before her, wedding glow still shimmering about her like a pleasing halo. "Come in, Arette. It's so good to see you! How are you enjoying your new life?" Smiling, the younger woman led her in to her small sitting room. "It is wonderful of Telcia and Iussi to let us stay in their home. It's been a joy to play with the children and Ragan and I have both been eager to catch up."

 

Her Mentor made mention of her Warder, and for a moment, she was glad that she'd forced a slight barrier so that Ragan could not feel her emotions. Who knew what those two were up to... If he even thinks of looking at another woman... But she knew what men were apt to do... Sighing she shook her head, green eyes momentarily distracted by a small bit of lint on her pale blue sleeve. "He's off with Iussi. They've gone to have a look around the town. Heaven only knows what trouble they'll get themselves in to."

 

Looking up, Kit really didn't have to force the smile on her face. It was truly wonderful to be back with the woman who had been like a mother to her for so many years. Now that her father had passed away, Arette was as close as she had to family. "Do have a seat and lets hope we have plenty of time to talk about whatever we wish to talk about!" Smiling, she waved a hand toward a small but comfortable chair to the side of where she'd been writing. There was an identical one on the other side of the small writing desk so they could be comfortable and have a chat. "Would you care for some tea?"

 

--------

Kit Eriya Deranin

Brown Tower Escapee

Mentee to Arette

Bonded to Ragan Gaidin

"Tea sounds quite lovely, thank you." As Kit made the preparations, Arette spoke on. "Telcia and Iussi have a beautiful home indeed and I am glad that you two have enjoyed your stay. You will have come and visit us too. I will Travel us to Helena's gardens so you can familiarise yourself with them. We use them as a Traveling ground in Illian since it is safer that way." Kit's comment about men out in the town all by themselves, especially when the other party was Iussi, made her snort. "I hope that you won't have to go and rescue them from some pickle. I'm sure Ragan's Borderlander manners will keep him from duels but men can think with the hair on their chest, and even more so if they have done some drinking. Not Con of course... at least not very often." She felt like she had to amend that so she wouldn't sound so smug. Or, Light forbid, a total love fool. "But I am sure that Ragan will not do anything unsensible. I have always thought him to have a good judgement and you too. You wouldn't have chosen a Warder who wasn't worthy of you and I do like him."

 

She could have pressed the topic right there and then but better lull her mentee to false sense of security first and she really did want to tell Kit of the events after the wedding. Just thinking it made a slight blush creep to her cheeks and she had to bite back a bright beam. Con had arranged the next day after the wedding free from duties and the girls had been with their doting grandmother so they had had the house all to themselves. The following days he had come home well in time for dinner and they had had family time and then wonderful private time.

"But for your question, being married has been quite lovely and I can't see how could it be anything but. Did you know that Con and his men had built us an apartment to the barracks? We have a large sitting room, a kitchen and six rooms. I have been decorating it and trying to get matching pieces from Light knows where since of course men just don't think that kind of things. There were no carpets, no curtains, nothing to make it feel like a real home. Though of course if the dear boys had attempted to choose some pieces... much better this way, definately. And the mess. I am sure they tried to clean but there is usually lots of dust left from the building so there was work to do for me and some of the new relatives." It might sound like she was complaining but Kit knew her well enough that she could see that Arette had throughoutly enjoyed everything.

 

"Here I just ramble on." She nodded in thanks as Kit poured her tea and as her mentee set aside the tea pot, she took her hands and made Kit look at her. "Are you happy, my dear? I know that you and Ragan once wanted to be more to each others than just an Aes Sedai and a Warder." And then she had done her stunt that had broken Ragan's confidence in his ability to protect her if they were lovers. "Is that still what you want?"

Nodding to the comments of her Mentor, Kit opened herself to Saidar and warmed the water for tea. It was so simple an action, warming the water, but she often wondered how difficult it might be for those without the One Power to do everyday tasks that Aes Sedai took for granted. She poured the hot water over the tea leaves and left them to steep for a few moments while she put a few sweet and savory snacks on a small plate.

 

"They do have a wonderful home here. I would like to spend some time in yours as well. I didn't get much time to meet your new family, and the children... The wedding seems a blur now." She smiled in remembrance, raising a hand to brush a red lock out of her face. Nodding, she finished up the tea things, putting sugar and cream on the tray as well as the snacks. Walking carefully over, she placed the tray on the small table between them.

 

Shaking her head, she sat down at the table, across from Arette. "I most likely will have to save them from some horrible fate. You know how men are..." She couldn't help but smile as her Mentor extolled the virtues of her new husband. it really was quite cute. It made her smile even more that Arette actually did approve of her Warder.

 

Nodding, Kit reached over and fixed her tea, putting mostly cream and a little sugar in it. She sipped it as the other woman talked about her new experiences with marriage. Chuckling at the talk of the hopelessness of men and decorating, she munched on a sweet and sipped at more tea. This was her Mentor's time, so she sat quietly and listened. "It really was kind of the men to build a home for you. I can understand that it would get crowded at your previous home. Don't worry about rambling, it's just good to be able to talk with you after so long!"

 

The question blindsided her. Kit was completely unprepared. Her eyes fell and she began an intent study of her teacup, held lightly in her lap. “I am as happy as I can be, I guess. I’m pleased that you now have your marital bliss.” She sighed and took another sip of her tea, steadying herself. “Perhaps what I wanted was just a dream…perhaps it is something that cannot happen.” Once she’d started talking, it seemed that she could stop. Years with no one to confide in really had been wearing on her, and Arette always had been as close as she’d ever come to mother and confessor. “Certainly Ragan treats me like some wayward and careless child… I imagine…that I can see flashes of what I feel for him in his eyes, but it’s gone so quickly in that confounded Warder Void business…” She waved a hand dismissively and forced out a laugh. “And now who’s babbling on? I sound like a complete woolhead. Do forgive me.”

 

A thought entered her head, thankfully breaking that chain of thought and she fairly bounced up out of her chair, eyes flashing. “Pardon me for one moment, but I have something for you.” A small smile playing on her face, Kit turned and rushed in to her bedchambers for a few moments. Emerging, she held something small in her hand. The red haired woman planted herself before her Mentor and held out her hand. In it, a small carved amber turtle sat. “This is a more proper wedding gift, and one that I’m not supposed to have. I would feel safer if you had it.” The small angreal had been fashioned in to a brooch, and glinted just slightly in the sun coming through the windows to the room.

 

---------

Kit Eriya Deranin

Brown Ajah

Bonded to Ragan Morsad

Kit seemed at first hesitant to speak of her and Ragan but then words began to rush out. Arette believed that she didn't have anyone she could have talked about this until now and that included herself. She was very sorry for depriving her mentee of her shoulder in that regard and determined to make it up now. Kit's doubts of them together being unlikely made her frown and she tsked quietly at Ragan's treatment of her. Warders often tried to fuss and hold their Aes Sedai by hand but she should have set him right from the start. Likely she and Ragan hadn't spoken of these and other matters.

 

The younger Brown tried to change a topic by gifting her an... angreal. Light, where had this come from? From her journey to the other world? She would allow herself to be distracted for a moment. "What do you mean by not being supposed to have this? Where have you gotten this... ter'angreal from? What does it do and why do you feel like I should have it? If it is from the Tower... maybe you should deliver it back." Despite everything, she still thought that ter'angreal were safer in the Tower's hands. Though there was the Black Ajah and if it was a useful object against Ja'varan. She still wasn't certain how much of that she should tell to Kit and Telcia.

 

"And while I am at questions, you really didn't say much about what you actually have done for your dream. Have you and Ragan broached the topic since Bonding? Or even before it? And do you approve the way he treats you?" Their situation was no where as bad as her and Calvin's relationship had been before he had died but it was worrying that Ragan resorted to the Void with her. She had to firmly snub the urge to probe the broken bond like an aching tooth and invoke another crying spell. She was getting better and this was too important now. "I don't think that either one of your is completely satisfied with the current situation so the question is, what are you going to do about it?"

Kit intently studied Arette for the moment, and then returned to her seat, trying her best not to flounce down on it like a petulant child. “It’s an angreal I was using to study some ter’angreal while at the Tower. I didn’t think that Ragan and I were going to be gone for years…so I took it and a few of the smaller ter’angreal with me…so I’d have something to study on our trip…” She took a deep breath, and a deep look of sadness filled her eyes for a moment before she shook it away and continued. “I took a ter’angreal that was supposed to be used for Healing, but my father was beyond its help… At least I got to be with him for his last few months.” Tears glistened in the corners of her eyes, but never quite fell. She’d done her grieving and now her father was not suffering.

 

“The angreal should help you with the Traveling shouldn’t it?” The young Brown looked questioningly at her Mentor, hoping that it would put her off of the Warder subject. Kit should have known that Arette wouldn’t be turned from a subject once she’d gotten started on it. For a moment, her mind cast back to when she was but a few seasons old, sitting in her Mentor’s office as she lobbed balled up parchment bits at her, making her practice with air weaves. A small smile appeared and disappeared on the redhead’s face before she continued.

 

Sighing heavily, Kit spoke quietly, “We haven’t really talked about it. He may think about it occasionally, but he only speaks of protecting me and being a good Warder to me.” She continued to listen as her Mentor spoke, the cool and confident words of the former Brown acting as a balm on her sore feelings. “I don’t think we’re satisfied either, but I don’t know what to do. Since…that night…things have changed. And I don’t know how to change them back.” She raised her eyes finally to spare a glance at Arette. It had been Arette’s fault really… Why now was she changing her mind… She’d tried so hard to convince the two of them that their feelings wouldn’t work, why was she now trying to convince her that they would?

Arette's heart went out for Kit when tears rose to her eyes and she knew that her mentee had been with her father during his last moments. No Healing could help to old age and even a Restorer of the Age of Legends couldn't have done anything for him. She moved beside the younger woman and wrapped her arm around her feeling her own grief for Calvin well up again. For a moment they just sat there comforting each others and composing themselvses.

 

Then Kit went on to tempt her with the angreal and she really had to battle herself to be able to say the right thing. "I thank you for the offer, my sweet, and it is extremely difficult to turn your back to a chance like that... but the angreal is not yours to give. No matter what we might think of the White Tower... well, once we don't have a pressing need for it anymore, Telcia still has her connections and you could still go back." The angreal would first be used to get rid of the Forsaken in Illian. It would be a great help and Light knew that they needed every extra advantages they could just get.

 

Grief and regret gnawed at her when Kit reminded her subtly that it had been her fault that things had changed between them. And that was why she had to sort this out. It was the only way she could make it up to Kit and Ragan. "How have things changed? Either of your feelings obviously have not changed no matter how hard you try to suppress them." She sighed. "And I was wrong about that. Chaining your feelings does not make you happy, they only grow behind the dam until they burst or eat you alive. I think that any relationship can work if you just love enough and work enough for it no matter what the obstacles."

 

"In my opinion what changed is that you stopped talking to each others. Maybe you talk about everything else, but you haven't spoken of what is really important to you both. And usually when you stop speaking about one thing, other parts of you close down too whether you want it or not. Like Ragan wrapping into the Void. It sounds like a sign of him trying to shield from you. It's not going to go away no matter how you ignore it."

 

"But it is your life, Kit and I made the mistake of trying to live it for you once and you two paid the price. You make your own decisions but I do hope that you make the right one with this." But no matter how she promised to not get involved, her mind was already plotting and planning how to give them little pushes to the right direction. Maybe they wouldn't be needed and she assured herself she would not interfere. Not too badly at least. Con wouldn't approve and she would have to tell him as she tried to live up to her own advice of perfect openess. She did not want a disaster like Calvin's revelation to ever occur again.

It was like having a mother again. It was something that Kit had missed for so long. She let Arette comfort her and it truly was comforting. No matter how bad the conversation might turn, and how much she didn’t want to hear what her Mentor was most likely to say, it would be better than being apart from her.

 

The younger brown raised her eyes and shook her head. She didn’t think she could ever go back to the Tower now… Perhaps she could Travel there, drop the things off…and leave. The temptation to go back was strong. To be in a place where she could readily study a full supply of Ter’angreal whenever she felt like walking down to the basement and undoing the weaves on the chamber… But the Tower was like an alien place now. So many changes, the threat of the Black, the banishing of one of the few women that she’d made a connection with. Life on the road had meant freedom, even if it came at great cost. “I understand that the neither angreal nor the ter’angreal are mine. I suppose I was deluding myself in keeping them for so long. I worry for the Tower, Arette… I worry. I do not think I am ready to go back there.”

 

She sighed softly, pushing a rebellious curl back behind her ear as her Mentor moved to the topic of conversation that she’d desperately tried to avoid. Thinking on it was like picking at an old wound… But one that would only grow deeper and fester more if she and Ragan did not do something about it. “No…our feelings have not changed. Of that, I am certain. I don’t think we could change them if we tried. I am ready to let those emotions show, but I cannot without him. I cannot carry on a one-sided relationship.” Pausing, she listened as the other woman spoke. “We have not really discussed it. Every time we come close, there is usually an argument about nothing at all…and then the matter drops.”

 

Kit finished off the last of her cup of tea and put it on the table next to her, resolved to stop fidgeting with the confounded thing. “I know we can’t continue like this. I know it’s dangerous to us both. Most likely, more dangerous than showing those feelings. I just don’t know what to do, Arette!” She sighed again and finished the cookie she was nibbling. It was actually a little nice to be worrying about personal issues rather than world issues for the moment. There were always terrible things going on in the world, and Aes Sedai did their best to help…well most of them anyway… So often, personal problems got pushed to the wayside. “Would you like some more tea?” It was weak, but at least it was something to say...

Arette grabbed into Kit's comment about the White Tower for a moment before getting back into the more personal topic. "I worry for the Tower too and the whole world. But... there is not much I can do about anything right now on the large scale. So I try to focus on things in Illian and in the Perfumed Quarters. There at least I can have an actual impact. You could always go to retirement... I doubt that anyone is going to come asking after those objects, not in the current situation. And they might be of use." She would not speak of Ja'varan. Not yet. There wasn't much three Aes Sedai could do against a Forsaken and the Dreadladies she likely had with her. The mere thought of having to face her frightened her. That and the risk of dying and leaving her children orphaned.

 

"What would you do then? Would you travel around the world or settle down and take up some project?"

 

"Ragan will surely follow you no matter where you go... Do you believe that you two could be happy if you just allowed yourself to become lovers? I am certain that Ragan believes it too but he won't let himself to do it because.... because of me and because he thinks succumbing to his feelings would danger you. Do you have any idea of how he could be helped to overcome that conception?"

 

"And you should not let the subject drop ever again no matter what kind of an argument he tries to kick up." Something Kit had said resonated in her and she tapped her lip thoughtfully. "Maybe he could be persuaded by the fact that the current situation is dangerous too. Emotions unhandled lead to loss of control as much as emotions running rampage."

 

"You will speak to him of this, right? Is it just what to say and how to approach him that you are uncertain of? Or him turning you down? What could be the worse that happened even if he did? Think of what would be the best possible outcome, you two together. I would say that risking alot would be worth it. Light knows that getting through Con's defenses was difficult when we met again but the feelings were still there. Just as they were with Ragan." She smiled at the memory. "It took me getting hurt before he would admit it. Not that I suggest you to do the same but he might need a wake up call."

Listening politely as Arette spoke about her life in Illian, Kit’s mind wandered for a few moments. Would she affect the outcome of some worldwide event? She hadn’t so far. She wasn’t sure she ever wanted to. “Retirement? I hadn’t really thought about that. I assume it’s the individual Aes Sedai’s choice. Am I not too young?” She knew that age was a taboo subject for most Sisters, but she’d only seen ones head in to retirement that already had grey in their hair. “The current situation…” She spoke momentarily and sighed, breaking off her statement.

 

“I have to admit, I’ve enjoyed my time with Ragan, traveling around. We’ve been here and there and seen things that I’d never seen before. As to a project, there are a whole world of things to do…how could I settle on just one?” For a moment, the mood was lightened as the younger Brown let out a soft laugh. There were many things she’d like to do…too many.

 

Arette’s Mentee nodded at that fact. Ragan would follow her wherever she went. If anything, he was unfailingly loyal and protective. Kit was surprised that he was letting her out of his sight long enough to have a few drinks with Iussi… “I don’t know that if we were lovers, that it would solve all ills…but it would be better than this, would it not?” She let out a soft and short sigh, reaching up to brush a stray curl back in to her hair. If it kept pestering her, she was going to have to put a clip in it or something. “I’m not sure, Arette…I’m not sure what we could do.” The redhead nodded as her mentor momentarily chastised her.

 

As she shrugged again, Kit felt as if all she could do was whine, shrug, and sigh… Some Aes Sedai I turned out to be… “I know I will speak with him… I just don’t know how to bring up the conversation. It doesn’t come up often, you know…” She chuckled at the thought of Arette breaking through Con’s tough exterior. The poor woman probably had to use a hammer…or maybe a team of oxen… “That must have been something.”

 

Kit picked up another one of the savory snacks she’d set out and munched thoughtfully. “I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself. Perhaps I should let Ragan have a say in the decision as well. If we get in to some tense situation, it will be his life on the line as well. I cannot just arbitrarily decide.” She had some more tea, glancing over at her mentor a moment before continuing. “I would like to help however I can in Illian. I know that you and your family are just getting set up there. I wouldn’t mind wandering off to find new and unclaimed Ter’angreal…or studying Ter’angreal somewhere… Though, that almost assures a trip to the Tower. I wouldn’t mind visiting the borderlands countries again with Ragan. It is no wonder he is so strong, growing up there.”

 

She shook her head and continued to much thoughtfully on another crunchy bit. “As cliché as it sounds, the wheel weaves as it wills. I will take life as it comes…and things will work themselves out.”

 

---------

Kit Deranin

Brown Sister

Bonded to Ragan Morsad

Arette smiled at Kit. "No retirement yet then and no one says that you have to do just one thing for the rest of your life. Just..." A shadow crossed her face. "... I don't know how much longer we have for traveling and focusing on our personal interests with the world situation. But that is not a topic for now." And not really something she could do much about anymore. But she had been the Keeper of the Chronicles and still was an Aes Sedai if an exiled one and she wanted to Serve now more than ever.

 

Kit's pondering about whether being lovers was better than the current situation made her tilt her head thoughtfully and tap her lips with a finger. There were pros and cons with both options and it was hard if not impossible to go back to being just friends when you had been lovers first. She was averse of taking risks but it was still a risk she would take. But her mentee would have to make the decision for herself.

 

"Of course you will have to discuss your cause and missions with Ragan but the final decision is always yours." She closed her eyes for a moment when she remembered how Calvin had been the perfect Warder who rarely disagreed with her decisions save with her personal life during their last months together. She had almost started to forget that and highlighted only the good memories. And then he had died because she had had to send him away. She had failed as a bondholder and she hadn't been there for him in the end. Wiping away the pained look and the tears that threatened to overwhelm her again as she poked the broken piece of her soul, she steeled herself.

 

lllian was a delicate issue and quite frankly she wanted Kit to stay away from there. There was nothing two or even four Aes Sedai could do against a Forsaken and her Dreadlords and the Dragon must have had taken notice of the numbers of mercenaries. He would handle the problem and until that the best they could do was lay low and not provoke more interest from Aginor who wanted her babies. And maybe Telcia's too.

 

No! They were discussing Ragan and Kit now. Relationship issues seemed so light now, so easy to solve even if they were extremely painful on personal level. "No, my sweet", she disagreed gently. "The Wheel weaves our fates into the Pattern but in smaller matters like this, it takes our own decisions and actions into account. You can't rely on the Wheel to solve this problem for you. You have to work it out yourself or just leave it be and live with that. If you decide to tackle the issue, you have to decide to grab the wolf by the ears and talk to him frankly of your feelings."

 

"He still returns them, it is so evident when one sees you two together. It is just about what you do with those emotions."