All the Kings Horses and all teh kings Men Attn Corlinny

The construction of the Citadel had been completed a while back, but there were still some of the original wooden structures remaining. Amon was atop one of the old wooden towers, marvelling at how large the Citadel had become, and how the walls seemed to grow from the very earth so cunning had been the work of the Ogier stonemasons. Amon was alone at the top of the tower and appreciated the peace and quiet that this solitude afforded him. Although he was not that high up in the air, it was high enough to allow him to ignore the sounds from below and just indulge himself in admiring the work that had gone on to complete the Walls and the actual Citadel itself. Amon turned from the walls and looked at the Citadel itself. The building literally towered over everything and according to the Ogier Stonemasons resembled the prow of a ship. Amon had never seen a ship so could not say, but others had and they agreed with the Ogier’s opinion.

 

On one of the many wide streets in the Citadel, a wagon from one of the local mines was just about to start the return journey to the Mountains of Mist. The driver, and his mate, had a hang over that would have dwarfed the Citadel itself, and the bright sunlight was not helping their heads. Squinting in the bright light they turned onto the eastern boulevard to make their way to the east gate and then onwards to their home. It would take them two days of good travelling to get to their destination without a hangover.

 

The streets of the Citadel were busy as usual, even at this early hour, and the wagon had to wind it’s way through the other wagons, horses and soldiers. It was slow going and the noise increased the nearer they got to the East gate. By now their headaches had got a lot worse and both men were growing more irritable by the minute. All the delays were trying their patience, small as it was, and this added to their growing bad mood. Eventually, Mordicai the driver decided he was not going to wait any longer and swung the wagon out of the line and using his whip on the horses, started to over take the other wagons that were patiently waiting for their turn to go through the gate.

 

As Modecai’s wagon passed other wagons, their drivers started to curse him and some even threw rotting vegetables, or stones at the passing wagon. One missile hit Mordecai right between his eyes, breaking his nose. The flare of intense pain caused Mordecai to drop the reins, and the horses sensing something was wrong picked up the pace. Soon they were stampeding towards the East gate, Mordecai semi comatose on the bench, the co driver was grasping for the reins, but the speed of the horses kept on bouncing them out of his reach. The gate loomed large in Bran’s eyes as he made one last desperate grasp for the reins. There was no way through the gate, and Bran new that if he did not get the reins now they would crash into the wagon blocking the way and more than likely end up dead. Just as he was about to give up all hope, Bran’s grasping fingers closed over the reins and he was able to slew the wagon around in a sharp turn. Unfortunately he choose the wrong way to turn and directly in front of him there loomed the wooden tower that Amon was stood upon, totally oblivious to the drama unfolding below him.

 

Bran pulled sharply on the reins again, trying to turn the wagon even further, but the horses were still going too fast and the wagon slammed into the supports of the tower, splintering into a thousand pieces. The people standing around the gate gasped as they saw the carnage wrought by the errant wagon. But this gasp soon turned into shouts of horror as the tower started to tilt dangerously and many of them started to flee as they realised they would be crushed by the now falling tower.

 

The first Amon knew of this was the impact of the wagon which caused the tower to shake violently. Grasping for the rail, Amon lost his footing as the tower swung further off its axis until he was swinging freely in the air. Looking around him, Amon realised he only had a few seconds to decide whether to jump or to try and ride the tower down. The decision was made for him though as the rail he had hold off came apart with a loud crack and Amon plummeted to the ground. Just before he hit, Amon tried to pull himself into a ball, but nothing he could do could lessen the impact and with bone jarring force he crashed into the ground breaking a leg, both ankles and two ribs. The most serious injury was the blow to his head, which fractured his skull and started to bleed profusely. Thankfully Amon lost consciousness straight away and so did not have to see the horrified looks on the faces of those who came to help, such was the mess he looked.

 

Amon (Tik Tik) Turamber

 

Under Commander: BotRH

 

Berserker for Life.

 

There had been an accident. A real accident, and Corlinny was one of the medics on call. She hurriedly grabbed her bag of supplies and ran towards the tower that had fallen. It was mostly negligence that it had fallen she was sure. It looked rickedy but it hadn't needed the help of the drunken driver. Corlinny pulled out her willow switch, it was a good tool to modivate the drunken at times. She switched the two men's behinds and scolded them harshly for driving while drunk. As she turned to check the area for other injured she found Amon laying beneath the tower, thankfully he wasn't crushed by it but his leg was pinned and there were already men trying to get him from beneath it.

 

Corlinny almost cried. He'd been a top the tower when it fell. She hoped he was not that hurt. She hurried over to where the men had pulled his fallen body and checked his vitals. He was thankfully still alive. "Amon, can you hear me?" She put her ear to his chest, he was breathing, he had a good pulse. It would very difficult to assess his condition here, but she tried.

 

She wasn't sure of all the things that could be wrong, but all she had to do was make sure he was capable of moving and she could have them strecher him back to the infirmary. Corlinny finally assessed he seemed okay and had the men carry him back so the other medics could make sure nothing else was wrong. Corlinny was glad she was here and glad that she wasn't. But she wasn't going to leave his bedside till he was better.

 

The more senior medics had agreed with her assessment, a few broken ribs and his right leg was busted, she was glad that was it. She tended his minor scrapes and helped to bandage his ribs tightly about him. Everyone was ever vigiliant hoping that his ribs had not pumctured his lungs, but he seemed to be breathing well. But only time would tell.

 

The day drew on and Corlinny sat by his bed waiting, watching, until she eventually fell asleep from mere exhaustion.

 

Corlinny

 

t was late into the night when Amon finally stirred and started to regain consciousness. At first he thought he had lost his sight as when he opened his eyes he could see nothing, there was scant illumination in the Infirmary, the only light being the small lamp that was on the far side of the room, near the door and this only gave off a weak yellow glow. Slowly his eyes adjusted to his surroundings. Amon knew there was someone near, he could feel their weight on the bed, but he when he tried to raise his head, and sharp shooting pains forced him to give up the attempt. Instead he tried calling out, but his mouth was as dry as the Waste and all that came out was a slight croak.

 

Frustration started to creep in, Amon had only been in the Infirmary once before due to a wound he had taken in battle. Then he had only stayed as long as he had absolutely had to, virtually begging Ehlana to intervene and get him released to his own tent. This added to his frustration, Infirmaries were not places he liked to be, not even when he was only visiting his soldiers. Again he tried, slowly, to raise his head, but the pain forced him to abort the attempt.

 

He decided that there was nothing he could do for now, so he turned his mind to why he was here and in such a poor way. He remembered leaving his Quarters in the morning, but that was all, he had no idea what he had done after that, nor how he had sustained his injuries. This started to worry Amon, and that made his frustration even worse. Again he tried calling out, but all he could muster was another croak, one that would have embarrassed any self-respecting frog. Slowly he turned his head, the waves of pain were not so bad, but still they were strong enough to make him rue the attempt. So he decided to try and work out where he was injured. From the pain in his head he was fairly certain he had sustained a blow there, but from what, and by whom, he could not say. His leg felt strange as well, it was throbbing and felt three times as large as normal, as did the ankle on his other leg. This made him wonder if he had broken his leg, and the ankle. Well that will put paid to any horse riding for sometime. This ironic thought made him laugh out loud, but all this did was bring even more pain, this time from his ribs, and with such intensity that he blacked out again.

 

Amon (Tik Tik) Turamber

 

Under Commander: BotRH

 

Berserker for Life.

 

Amon had only woke up breifly and she had missed it. His injuries were a bit worse than she'd thought originally. It seemed he'd knocked his head pretty hard. The other medics tried to wake him with smelling salts and other such devices but nothing worked, it seemed he had slipped into a coma.

 

Corlinny hardly slept after she'd found that out. The chair next to his bed wasn't the most comfortable thing, she stayed by his side when she was off duty and stayed in the same room while she was. One of the other medics had brought her food which she hardly touched.

 

Corlinny knew this wasn't her fault, but in the long run it had been. He was only here because she had slept with his best friend. He'd left home because of her, and now he might never wake up.

 

She spent several weeks sitting by the side of his bed, praying he'd wake up. But her prayers weren't answered yet and she kept constant vigal over her ex-fiance.

 

One of the other medics moved Corlinny to her own quarters after she'd fallen asleep, she might be mad when she woke up but he had thought it for the best, it wouldn't make things any better if she got sick because she wasn't taking care of herself.

 

Corlinny

 

Dark dreams filled Amon’s slumber. At times he could hear those who tended to him, and this helped quieten the dreams, but these were fleeting respites. All the dreams centred on past members of the Band, especially Cavalry members. Voices of people he had not dreamt about for years suddenly came back to him as vivid as the morning sun that shone through the window of the Infirmary. Amon wondered if they were there to greet him, to welcome him to the after life, or what ever occurred when you shrugged off the mortal soul.

 

It was during one such dream, that Amon woke, screaming about the mountain falling on him. Hands grabbed at him and forced his body back onto the mattress where they had to hold him down to prevent him from doing any harm to his injuries. Clarity did not come easy to Amon and he continued to scream about the mountain. In his weakened state the medics were easily able to hold him down, but it was not until a familiar voice was able to penetrate the nightmare he was trapped in. He could not put a name to the owner of the voice, but it was a familiar one to him, one that reminded him of pleasant times spent by the side of a river, or sharing a kiss late at night away from watchful eyes.

 

Slowly his vision cleared and his eyes started to focus on those about him. He felt a cool compress being applied to his forehead, and the grip on his limbs lessened as those around him realised that whatever mad fit had gripped him he had mastered. Turning his head in the direction that he thought the owner of the voice stood, recognition filled his eyes and a weak smile appeared on his face.

 

“Is that you Corlinny?”

 

Amon (Tik Tik) Turamber

 

Under Commander: BotRH

 

Berserker for Life.

 

"Yes, Amon, it's me." Corlinny rubbed the side of his face. "You are safe, you were only dreaming."

 

The others continued tending the wounds that he'd opened from his struggles. It wasn't much but some bandages needed to be replaced. He was healing well, and Corlinny was glad he'd woke up finally. "Do you know where you are Amon? What happened to you?" It was time for those memory tests now. He had finally woken up, now to see to any damage he might have suffered. It wasn't necessarily Corlinny's place to ask as there were more senior medics in charge of his case, but the others only nodded, he seemed to take comfort in her so they let her be.

 

Corlinny's heart rose when she saw the comfort in his eyes. Maybe now it would work out, maybe he'd forgive her now, maybe she could appologize and tell him how much she loved him to this day.

 

Cor

 

t took a moment for Amon to gather his thoughts, his head felt like an over ripe fruit that was ready to explode at the slightest touch, obviously movement was not an option for now. Taking another sip of water, Amon tried to answer Corlinny’s questions. “I am in bed, and I take it I am in the infirmary, but I know that because I do not usually have this many people in my room. But as to what happened?”

 

Amon fell silent for a moment; he really could not remember what he had been doing before, before what? How many days had he been lying here and just how badly was he hurt? Now that his mind was clearing Amon started to worry. He did not know the extent of his injuries, nor what had caused them. “No I cannot remember what brought me here, were we attacked, in a battle? I do not seem to remember much of anything but your name.” Amon moved his eyes, checking to make sure they were not overheard. “ We are to be married though, is that not right?

 

Amon was really starting to become concerned now: the more he tried to remember the more he started to worry. He had never been sick a day in his life and now here he was lying in bed bandages covering his ankles and leg, and his head. “Please Corlinny, what has been going on?”

 

 

Amon (Tik Tik) Turamber

 

Under Commander: BotRH

 

Berserker for Life.

 

Corlinny looked at Yrean with disbelief, had he forgotten that much. She leaned down and whispered in his ear. "That was many years ago my love, we've not been together in many years to do folly." She sat back up and starte telling him a little about his life that she knew. "You are now in the Band of the Red Hand. You've achieved the rank Under commander."

 

She put a hand on Amon's head. "You've fallen from a tower here at the Citadel. A horse and cart crashed into it's base and you and the tower came tumbling down. You don't remember any of this?"

 

She caressed his face lovingly, more than any medic every would, but she was not sure if she should. He was not himself and she didn't want to take advantage of his memory loss, for when he regained it he may be even more angered at her. "When your head is not aching as bad, we need to talk Amon. There is much we need to discuss." Maybe now he'll listen to her. "But now you need to rest."

 

Cor

 

Commander of an Army? When Corlinny told him this Amon would have laughed out loud, but he knew that would only make his head hurt all the more, and it hurt enough for three men as it was. “This isn’t one of your jokes is it Corliiny? This is neither the time or the……” Corlinny silenced him by placing her finger across his lips.

 

“For now Amon, you need to rest, we can work this out when you have had chance to sleep. With any luck your memory will return and then you will believe me.”

 

Amon did not respond right away, he was to confused to consider sleeping right now, but he knew she was right, that he needed sleep to help him recover.

 

“On one condition Cor, you stay with me for a while and tell me of home. If I have been away as long as you say then I must have missed much. How are your family? Blood and bloody ashes, do you even have a family?”

 

At Amon’s outburst a couple of medics started to make their way towards him thinking he was suffering another bout of lunacy, but Corlinny waved them away. “Yes Amon I do, you just lie there and I will tell you, maybe that will help you remember.”

 

Smiling up at her, Amon reached out his hand and grabbed hold of hers, pulling her closer to him. “Cor, what if I do not remember, what if I stay like this.” Suddenly he felt a strong urge to swallow a lump in his throat. “I’m scared Cor.” His words came out in a hoarse whisper, almost as if they had been dragged from his throat

 

. Amon (Tik Tik) Turamber

 

Under Commander: BotRH

 

Berserker for Life.

 

This was definately a change from the strong Amon she knew. She smiled at him. "I will be here with you always, Amon, we will get through this together." She patted his hand and then sat up. "Ease up and I will tell you of home, what I can tell you anyway, I've been away for several years myself."

 

She carressed his cheek to comfort him. It was hard for her to see Amon this way. But she did as she had said, and told him of home. She didn't tell him why he'd left or why she'd come looking for him, just about home, her parents and the shop he'd left and the things that would interest him. But she never mentioned how she felt or anything else about their history together, he was not well enough, she needed him alert and with out pain medication.

 

She grew sleepy but she stayed by his bed holding his hand. She put her head down on his bed and turned it to look at him. She continued telling him about her own travels to keep him company. She wasn't sure what he wanted to know but she would talk as long as he wanted her to.

 

Cor

 

The sound of Corlinny’s voice soothed Amon’s worries; this was something he knew, something that was precious to him. He closed his eyes, not to sleep, but to allow him to focus more on her words, the lilting tone of her voice, and the tales she was telling. He found that he could almost tune out the pain by concentrating on the sound of her voice, it was so comforting.

 

Then it stopped and Amon’s eyes sprang open, a sort of terror written large in them. “It is ok Amon I am still here, I thought you had gone to sleep.”

 

“If I do I will fall, I do not want to fall again Cor.”

 

She looked at him quizzically for a moment, then continued talking, eventually resting her head on his chest. This made Amon smile as now he could not only hear her voice, but feel it through his chest. He gently laid his hand on her shoulder and stroked her hair, the softness contrasting with the calluses on his hand.

 

At some point he dozed off, finally lulled to sleep with his mind full of the sound and feel of Corlinny, if it wasn’t for the accident he would have said this was a perfect moment.

 

Amon (Tik Tik) Turamber

 

Under Commander: BotRH

 

Berserker for Life.

 

The next month proceeded much like it had before, Corlinny stayed by Amon's bed whenever she could. She hadn't actually found the time to tell him about her folly, and she felt horrible about it.

 

Amon was up and about. He was using crutches to get around, but his memory had not returned. Corlinny planned a tour of the citadel for Amon with a picnic lunch outside of the walls. He needed some fresh air and they needed time to talk.

 

Corlinny showed Amon around, and even to his quarters. He would be allowed back in them after today, if he could prove he could remember where things were after the tour.

 

Corlinny lead Amon to the picnic spot she'd chosen a few days earlier. She prepared a decent meal, his first one not in the infirmary. "We need to talk while we Amon, about some personal things."

 

She prepared him a plate of his favorite foods and sat down to make her own. "You don't remember why you left?" Yrean shook his head. "Do you remember Rackhir?" He smiled, that was a good indication.

 

Corlinny took a sip of the spiced wine she'd brought.She didn't know how else to tell him. She looked down at her plate and spoke quietly. "You left because you caught Rackhir and I in bed together." She was ashamed of her actions and she knew he'd never forgive her but maybe now he would listen to her and she could only hope he'd forgive her. She looked up to him before he could respond. "Now before you get upset at me all over again, let me tell you why I am here first, please?" She pleaded with him, in hopes that his anger would stay away until she had time to speak.

 

Cor

 

It had taken a while for Amon to master walking with the crutches, thankfully it this had been helped by the fact that Amon had only badly sprained the ankle of the unbroken leg, otherwise he would still be bed ridden. Despite his injuries, and the loss of memory, Amon had been in good spirits for most of the time he had been bed ridden, a fact that had surprised him, but he attributed it to Corlinny’s presence. She had always been a calming, centering, force in his life, and now she had returned. Her company pleased something that he was immensely grateful for and had every intention of telling her how much he.

 

The picnic had been her idea and Amon thought it would give him the perfect chance to express to her his gratitude for the care she had given him. To say he had been impressed by her dedication would have been an understatement. He had never known she was capable of doing the things she had for him. He would have been just as grateful with her company, but she had gone far beyond that in her dedication to his recovery.

 

For a first day out of bed, Corlinny could not have arranged things better, the ground was rock hard, the sun was shining and this all worked in Yrean’s favour while trying to navigate his way around with the crutches. Although it had taken a while to get to the place Corlinny wanted to have the picnic at, and although it left Yrean a little breathless and light headed, the fresh air did much to help restore him. The meal was going well, and later Amon suspected this was why Corlinny had taken the opportunity to say what she did, breaking the good mood he had been in.

 

“Upset at you again Corlinny, you have told me this before? How did I react then?”

 

Amon would have cursed out loud at the gaps in his memory, obviously some serious events had occurred and he could not remember one of them. Frustration pushed it’s way to the surface, almost swamping the annoyance he felt at her words.

 

“You said you never wanted to see me again Amon.” She replied in a quiet, hesitant, voice.

 

“And you think that this time I would react differently?” Amon’s voice was full of sarcasm, his perfect day was ruined, just as it would seem it had been in the past and all because of this woman and his best friend.

 

Amon (Tik Tik) Turamber

 

Under Commander: BotRH

 

Berserker for Life.

 

At least he hadn't walked out on her again. That probably only had to do with his crutches tho. "No Amon, I don't expect you to, but before your accident we could hardly have a civil word with out you pulling rank on me or some other thing you've since aquired. I just want you to know I'm sorry for what I did to you. I know it hurt you and I'm terribly sorry for all the pain I caused you." Corlinny turned away from him so he couldn't see her tears, she didn't want the sympathy role to take over, she wanted him to listen to her but not comfort her. It wasn't about that.

 

"I don't expect you to react any differently, but I came all this way just to say I was sorry and that I love you. I know you'll never take me back, and if you do it'll be along ways in coming. But I had to tell you I was sorry. You were the only man I really loved. You are the only one I wanted to be with in any fashion. It just happened, I'm sorry."

 

She got up from the blanket. "I'll leave you to your lunch, I'll pick the things up later, so don't worry about them."

 

Cor

 

To say Amon was stunned would have been an understatement, on top of that he was totally confused by Corlinny’s words, his totally lack of recollection made it all the more surreal. He was so preoccupied with what she had said that it took him a moment to realise she was preparing to leave. It felt like a moment frozen in time, one that all he had to do was ask her not to leave, to break the deadlock was speak. But when he tried it was as if his mouth betrayed him, and no sound emerged. Instead he reached out to her with his hand and grabbed hold of the leg of her pants, gripping on as if his life depended on it. Turning her tear stained face towards him she gazed down at Amon.

 

Finally he found his voice and asked her to stay, almost pleaded with her to stay, or so it sounded to his ears. “I do not know what to say Corlinny, I honestly have no memory of what you say, it is as if you are talking about someone else.” The desperation in his voice cut Corlinny to the core, and fresh tears started to fall from her eyes. Gently Amon reached up and wiped them away. He did not doubt that what she had said was true, there was no reason he could think of why she would lie to him about something like that. All he knew was that he had promised her he would never be the cause of any unhappiness in her life, and yet inadvertently he was.

 

“What a pair we make, I have no memory of these events, and you are scarred by them. What are we going to do?”

 

Amon (Tik Tik) Turamber

 

Under Commander: BotRH

 

Berserker for Life.

 

She gave him a weak smile, he did care for her but he was stuck in a time they had been in love. He didn't remember the events that took place, she didn't want to be the person to take advantage of his weakness. What if his memory came back and he hated her even more for it.

 

"I'm more afraid of what you will do when your memory does return, Amon. I don't want to start letting my feelings for you take over again, after I put them away so I could be near you here in the army." She didn't look away but the tears started to flow again. "I'm just happy to prove to you I am a good soldier. I wanted more when I came here, now I'll settle for maybe being your friend. I don't want you to feel sorry for me because you can't remember what it is I've done. I don't know why I'm telling you this at all. I should have left it be and let you be mad at me for being there when you were injured. I can be your friend. But until your memory returns, because it will Amon, I don't think we can be more than that, not and survive the eventual memory recovery."

 

She put her head against his chest. "I couldn't bear to have your even more angry at me."

 

Cor

 

The more Corlinny tried to explain, the angrier Amon got. Not at her, but at himself for not being able to remember one event that she described. This not knowing what had gone on in his past was becoming more and more a burden, one that had been thrust on him and that he did not want. Questions filled his mind, questions about what she had just told him, and about what she said his reaction had been. He also was beginning to wonder what had happened to Rackhir, he had been a friend far longer than Amon had known Corlinny and now she was telling him that he had betrayed Amon. Just then Corlinny leaned in close and rested her head on his chest. Automatically his hand went around her and held her close, almost as if it had a will of it’s own, not that he minded.

 

“You have my head in a spin with all this talk about events I cannot recall. Right now I am too angry with myself to truly comprehend what you are saying. Why would you and Rackhir betray me like that? For that matter, where is Rackhir, why did he not stand by you?

 

Why Corlinny? Why would both of you do this?

 

I thought I meant the world to you, you told me often enough that I did. If that’s true then why would either you or my best friend do this? Did I do something wrong? Did I not show you enough attention or prove I could provide a good income for you?

 

I just do not understand.”

 

The last words were spoken in a hoarse whisper. His voice made that way by the tears that were slowly rolling down his face. “I love you Corlinny, I always have, but .” Amon could not continue, this on top of his injuries and amnesia was just too overwhelming for him so he buried his head in her hair and sobbed quietly, wondering if his sanity could survive this.

 

Amon(Tik Tik) Turamber

 

Under Commander, BotRH

 

Berserker for Life

 

"I can't explain what happened or why it did, Amon it just did. I'm completely ashamed of my actions and I feel even worse I have no explanation as to why it happened."

 

"But where is Rackhir?"

 

Corlinny started to cry, not because she had lost a friend or lover but because she didn't want to tell Amon. She spoke quietly, barely loud enough for Amon to hear. "You killed him in a fit of rage upon finding us in bed together."

 

Corlinny tried to pull away from Amon. "I don't know why this happened and I'm so sorry. I wish things could be different."

 

Corlinny

 

Amon felt like his head was about to explode, nothing so far had prepared him for what Corlinny had just told him. He had no idea how the other him had coped with this, and now he had to as well. “I killed him, my best friend and I killed him?” Amon stammered, barely coherent yet feeling he had to know had to find out if that was what he had really heard.

 

“Yes Amon, but it was not your fault.”

 

Amon did not give her a chance to continue.

 

“How could it not be my fault, did you kill him? Did you thrust the sword or dagger into him? No you did not it was me. No matter what you claim you and he did, it was me that killed him. Could you not have kept that to yourself?” Amon answered his own question, still not allowing her to speak.

 

“No of course you could not, otherwise you might as well have kept it all to yourself.”

 

Amon fell silent after that outburst, words could not describe how he felt, could not even begin to convey the emotions swirling around inside of him. Eventually he found his voice. “Remember that night in the Infirmary when I first woke and I said to you I was scared? Well now you can add lost to that.”

 

Amon dropped the plate of half eaten food onto the ground and grabbed his crutch. He managed to get to his feet without Corlinny’s help. “I think it better if I go. I am not much company right now and you deserve better than that. I need time to think about this, it is too much to comprehend right now. I said I loved you earlier, and I still do, but I am not sure I can like myself anymore, and if that is true, I cannot imagine how anyone would want to be with me. I think it best if we do not see each other again Corlinny, you do not deserve someone like me in your life, you deserve better.”

 

With that Amon turned his back on the stunned girl and started to, slowly, make his way back to the Citadel and a life he did not know or understand anymore.

 

Amon(Tik Tik) Turamber

 

Under Commander, BotRH

 

Berserker for Life

 

Corlinny was shocked by his words. He loved her and yet here he was leaving yet again. Her heart sank at the prospect of losing him again. But she had a duty to do. "Amon, wait please. You may not want to see me again, but until the time that I'm reassigned to another person in the infirmary, you are my responsibility." He didn't stop, it was like he didn't hear her but Corlinny gathered everything quickly and followed him back to his barrack room. She made sure he'd gotten back fine then made her way to the infirmary to request another assignment.

 

"Sir, Amon is doing much better and I think it's time to assign him to someone else for his out patient care."

 

"No, private, you are all we got for him. You'll have to deal with whatever issues that cropped up. We aren't blind you know. Deal with it Corlinny."

 

And that was that she was to tend her wounded ex-fiancee and she wondered if she would have to fight with him again.

 

****

 

Two days passed and it was Amon's scheduled time for his check up. Corlinny wasn't looking forward to it, but they had not seen each other or spoken to each other in those two days. Corlinny's weapons training was stalled because of it, but it didn't matter right then, she practiced what she had already learned in hopes that Amon would teach her more later, when he thought about it.

 

Those two days had been torture, she avoided him at all costs, waiting for him to come seek her out. As the days waned on she had lost hope he'd forgive her for telling him the things that had happened. She wished his memory would come back, so then he'd just be mad at her and not lost and confused because of her. Her heart sank as she saw him hobble into the infirmary and took a set on the empty cot he was then assigned.

 

Corlinny took a quick look in the mirror, her makeup needed to be fixed after her tearing. It wasn't exactly crying, but she knew she would look atrocious. She straighted up the best she could and took a slow walk towards her patient.

 

She picked up his chart and didn't look at him as she spoke. "Have any complaints? Anything bothering you ?" She meant medically of course, but he could take it any way he wished.

 

Cor

 

It had been a hard few days for Amon, alone with his thoughts, and unable to move about much, he had stayed in his quarters surveying the mess that was his life. He had never been one for introspection, but such was his dilemma that that seemed the only course open to him. All that he got for his efforts was ahead ache that could have split mountains, and this just made him even angrier with himself and the world. So he had done the only thing he knew, turned away from it and instead tried to work his muscles, muscles that had atrophied while he had been confined to bed. On the night before he was supposed to report to the Infirmary for a check up, Amon lay on his bed, his arms, legs and chest aching from the walking he had done that day, He had managed to hobble around the circumference of the Citadel, stopping often to rest and talk. Although it had been brutally hard going he was determined to make it back to his quarters without any outside help. This he had accomplished, but he was paying for it now, and knew he would in the morning as well. The headache that had started soon after he had left Corlinny had not subsided, only been pushed to the back of his mind. Now, lying on the bed, with nothing else to distract him, it came back in full force, strong enough to make even the slightest illumination hurt his eyes.

 

He did not remember falling asleep, and yet again he had slept the whole night in his clothes, although this did not bother him as much as it would have before his memory loss. If he could have seen himself he would have realised how dishevelled he looked. His long hair was unkempt and starting to smell. There was three days growth on his face, and Amon had never been one to not shave. Most of all though it was his eyes that gave away the pain he was feeling, both the pain from the headache, and more importantly, the emotional pain. Pushing himself up from the bed, Amon reached for the crutches and slowly stood upright, his headache not getting any worse, but he knew that it would do during the day. Deciding that he did not feel like food at that moment, he left his quarters and slowly made his way to the Infirmary. He did not want to do this, did not want to see her again, but knew that if he requested another Medic it would only hurt her more, and lead to some unpleasant explanations to the Chief Medic.

 

Amon did not look up at her approach; he kept his gaze fixed on the floor, his response to her greeting nothing more than a mumbled hello. She was too good a Medic to let his attitude bother her, and she continued with the check up enquiring to his well being and asking after any new problems. Finally the tone of her voice made him raise his gaze from the floor, he was an adult, and not only that held a position of responsibility and yet here he was acting like some uncaring buffoon. At the sight of her tear strained face Amon nearly got up and walked out, but he had never been a cruel man and that is exactly how his actions would have been interpreted, there was nothing else he could do but respond to her in the manner she deserved.

 

“The only change has been this bloody headache, it is enough to split my head open and gets worse as the day goes on. As for the rest?” Amon could only shrug his shoulders in response. How could she want him when he was a monster who killed his best friend, how could he ever come to terms with that? Until he found some sort of resolution to that he could not see how anyone would want to be with him, except out of pity and that he would not stand for.

 

Amon(Tik Tik) Turamber

 

Under Commander, BotRH

 

Berserker for Life

 

Corlinny took a note that his head was bothering him. She nodded then spoke to her patient. "Stay here a moment, I'll get you something for the pain."

 

She walked away only wishing that they'd be able to get past this awkwardness. She wished she knew what was going on in his head, other than the pain.

 

Corlinny came back with a small cloth pouch of herbs. "Add this to your drink, water or tea, no alcohol please or it'll get worse. It will help dull the pain but not your senses."

 

She took a bright light over his eyes, his responses were good so she expected it was just lingering pain from the accident nothing more serious. "We'll have to keep an eye on that headache of yours, if it's too bad and the herbs aren't working then please come back to the infirmary so someone can check you out."

 

He may be a superior office, but in the infirmary he was just like any other patient and what she said goes. He could defy her instructions but what's the point in that?

 

The exam was almost done and Corlinny couldn't help but want to know how he was feeling on a personal level. "I know you don't want to see me, but maybe we can have dinner or lunch in the canteen later today."

 

Cor

 

Amon took the herbs from Corlinny and put them in his pocket, assuring her he would follow her instructions. Whether he did or not he was not sure yet, but he knew he could not continue in this way. Sooner or later he would be well enough to return to duty and then he had to think about larger issues than those at present.

 

“If you wanting me for company you must be desperate. I do not think you would like to have anything to do with me right now, I just would not know what to say to you.”

 

He stood up and slowly made his way out of the infirmary, after thanking her for her diligence. Standing on the step outside the Infirmary, Amon looked about himself, almost as if he was seeing the surroundings for the first time. With a forlorn shake of his head, he manouveured himself down the steps then started the slow walk back to his quarters.

 

Another night spent tossing and turning, the headache not easier despite the herbs he had been given. Another night wasted in useless anger, and even more useless self-recrimination. Finally having had enough of his quarters, Yrean got out of the chair he had been sitting in and made his way out of his quarters into the stillness of the early morning. There was a slight chill to the air, that brought Amon’s skin out in goose bumps, but the freshness helped with his headache, the iron bandsaround his head started to relax some and a sensation of clear headedness returned.

 

Amon headed for the one place he knew there would be people at this hour, the canteen, there were always people there grabbing a late meal, or an early one and at the moment the thought of company and food seemed pleasing to him. There were a few people about, mostly sentries returning from the night shift, so Amon sat down at a table by himself, and suffered the indignity of having his food delivered. Sipping at the large mug of tea, Amon relished the taste and quickly finished the remainder. Just as he was trying to get out of his chair, he felt a hand on his shoulder. “You stay there Amon I will get it for you, do you mind if I join you?”

 

Amon was startled by the sound of Corlinny’s voice, but indicated that she should take the seat opposite him when she returned.

 

Amon(Tik Tik) Turamber

 

Under Commander, BotRH

 

Berserker for Life

 

Corlinny wasn't sure why she had a terrible night. The day before had started out horrible and ended that way. Amon had come in and he was depressed, she could tell it by the end of that visit, his own words gave him away too. But the day progressed into training accident after training accident. Someone came in with their foot bent in half, apparently he'd been chasing after his sparring partner and stepped in a hole. All the bones in his left foot were broken. And that was the least of the injuries that day.

 

But when Corlinny saw Amon in the canteen her spirits brightened at least he was getting out. She brought him his food so he wouldn't have to be waited on. It was only something she could do, she was only glad he had allowed her to accompany him.

 

The silence was bitter in the beginning, neither knowing what to say or what to do so Corlinny sipped at her tea and ate the soggy poridge she's gotten. The silence was to tense so Corlinny tried to break it. "Amon, you said I must be desparate to want to spend time with you. I don't know why you'd think that. Sure you made a mistake, but if it were not for mine you'd not have done it." Amon started to get up and Corlinny put her hand on his. "Amon, don't go. Please. I love you, I always have, even then I loved you. I will always love you. You give me hope when there was none, I don't know what I would do with out you. Even now when you wanted nothing to do with me, I still wanted to be with you. You aren't any different than you were before what happened. Why do you think I came all the way here to find you and try to talk to you again. If you were so horrible why would I do that. You are the light in my life and I screwed it up. I only want a part of that light back, a friend. I can only hope that you will one day forgive me. I would be the happiest person in the world if you'd take me back into your arms."

 

She knew she's babbled on enough but she had to say more. "But if you want to go on thinking you are worthless, then maybe you should speak to people here who've known you longer in your role here. I've heard rumors about your exploits, saving a woman and a man who could talk to wolves. All the countless battles you've been in that have saved people. You, my love, are not worthless. With out you those people would not be here."

 

Cor

 

Corlinny’s words washed around him like water swirling around rocks and making about as much impression. That was until she started talking about people who’s lives she said he was responsible for saving. He listened intently to her then, surely, he thought, events such as that would be important enough that he would remember, but there was no familiar feeling. He assumed, again, that she was right purely based on the fact that he could think of no reason why she would lie to him unless this was all some sort or ploy to gain his trust. He did not think she would be that devious, she must have known that that would not work with him, so he dismissed that train of thought.

 

“I wish I could say that that little speech of yours has helped, but I know of no events such as you describe. It is as if you are talking about a totally different person, one that I do not know. But be that as it may, no matter how many lives you say I have saved, that does not alter the fact that I took a life, the life of my friend. I have really tried to put myself in the frame of mind where I could imagine that being so, but all the time I get the other thought that there is no way you would have done that to me. Then I come back to thinking that if you did do what you say you did, I must have somehow been responsible for your actions. I do not know any other way I can explain the events you have told me about.”

 

The problem with all if this stemmed from Amon’s lack of memory, it did him no good being told he had done this, or done that. All he knew was that in his personal timeline, nothing existed but him and Corlinny. Everything else that had happened after he left to inform his parents that he was getting married had gone, disappeared, and blown on the wind like so much chaff.

 

“If I was to tell you that you were the most proficient medic that had ever lived, and that you knew I was telling the truth, but could not remember one herb, or know how to fasten a bandage, what would you say to me?”

 

Amon(Tik Tik) Turamber

 

Under Commander, BotRH

 

Berserker for Life

 

Corlinny thought about it but she knew the answer to the question. "I would probably think you were lying to me. I understand that Amon, but you cannot let your past be your only guiding factor. What would you do now, kill yourself because you made a mistake?" She didn't let him answer as she grabbed his shirt and pulled him over the table to her lips. She kissed him with all the love and passion she had for him. It didn't matter whether he returned the kiss or not, but a kiss could not lie.

 

She let his shirt go and pulled away just enough to speak. "Amon, I love and I always have. No matter what you do or have done, that will never change." She had taken Jatasha's advice to a small extent, though her suggestion was clothes were optional, she blushed at the thought but she'd shown Amon that she meant what she said despite what protocol dictated.

 

Corlinny

 

Laughing out loud Amon started to reply, “Why the hell……….” Was all he could say before Corlinny grabbed his shirt and pinned her lips to his, effectively ending any chance he had of answering her. When she pulled away, Amon only just managed to grab the edge of the table and stop himself from falling over which would have ruined the effect Corlinny was aiming for. The silence hung between them, obviously Corlinny was waiting for Amon to speak, but he was dumbfounded by her actions. The kiss was every bit as evocative as he remembered, although the unrestrained passion was something that had not been so obvious before. Finally he managed to gather his wits and speak. “How can I trust what you say after what you have told me? You say I should not live in the past, but that is all I have. There was no yesterday for me, just a blank. How can I use what little memory remains to me to act as my guide in this?” For a moment Amon looked like a hunted animal, surrounded by the killers intent on their pray.

 

"I tell you what, lets get out of here. I have been working with the Head Groom and he has fixed up a sling that will allow me to be hoisted on to my horse. It may not be very elegant, but at least it will allow me to sit on the horse and get about with slightly more ease, come on.” Amon had become quite adept at walking with the crutches and so they made good time to the stables and soon Amon was swinging in mid air while a second groom walked his horse underneath Amon. Slowly they lowered him down and as soon as he was able to get his good foot in the stirrups they untied the sling from around his shoulders. A look of satisfaction came over Amon’s face interrupted by the groom attaching the special stirrup to his broken leg. They would not be able to ride at anything faster than a walk, but at least it increased the range Amon could travel without getting too fatigued.

 

Carefully they made their way out of the stables and towards the main gate, which soon came in sight. Amon, reluctantly, acknowledged the salutes of the sentries and then they were out of the Citadel and heading towards open country.

 

Amon(Tik Tik) Turamber

 

Under Commander, BotRH

 

Berserker for Life

 

It was funny watching Amon swinging from the lift as they got him on his horse. She wondered what would happen if they decided to stop or his horse became out of control and lost it's rider, but the horse seemed to be have itself as they rode out of the citadel.

 

The fresh air was amazing and the surroundings were beautiful. They rode in silence for a long while but she wanted to talk, it would be difficult from horse back but it was currently her only option. "I think we will be riding and talking then Amon?" She indicated his leg. "I don't think I could lift you up if you were to get off your horse."

 

She giggled softly to herself at the thought of helping him onto the horse alone, it would be a funny sight she was sure.

 

Cor

 

“It is better out here, not so over powering and I feel the need of space right about now. The things you have spoken of sound like a nightmare, or are a nightmare, I am not sure which. You know, when I first woke up and saw you there, everything just seemed so right. But now? What do I do the next time we are in a battle? How do I lead men to their depths when I would be faking it, not really knowing what I was doing. Blood and bloody ashes a man could go mad thinking like this.”

 

For a while the two of them rode on in silence, Corlinny wanted to say something, anything, to try to help but there was nothing she could say, which was the best thing for the moment as Amon would not have been in the mood to listen.

 

As they rode, letting their horses pick their own path, Corlinny looked around at the countryside, while Amon just stared straight ahead. Finally he started speaking again, running through what he was thinking and why. Really he was trying to sort it all out and by talking in this manner he hoped something he had over looked would come out. Corlinny listened attentively, realising that that was what Amon needed far more than her interrupting.

 

Eventually, after about an hour and a half’s riding, a small village appeared over the next rise and people could be seen working small plots of land, or just going about their own business. At the center of the village was a small, homely Inn. It was towards this that the two of them guided their horses. Although Yrean was not hungry, he was thirsty, so while he stayed on his horse, Corlinny made her way inside the Inn and soon returned with a pitcher of water. At seeing this Amon made a face but Corlinny was quick to point out that in his condition alcohol was the worst thing he drink. Smiling at the obvious concern in her voice Amon could not help but retort with. “And you’re my mother now Corlinny?” this time his smile was a genuine one, one that cleared away any of the doubts and worries he had had, briefly the sun reappeared.

 

Amon(Tik Tik) Turamber

 

Under Commander, BotRH

 

Berserker for Life

 

Corlinny smiled at her patient and at that moment it was exactly what he was, insisting on a drink stronger than what was offered. "No, Amon, I could never be your mother, but I am your medic and you should listen to my words." She stuck her tongue out at him and shoved the skin into his hand then got back on her horse. "Where are we going Amon?" She changed the subject and hoped it would stay changed.

 

Corlinny looked around and saw a nice forest area backed by the mountains. "It's a shame you can't get down and walk in the woods with me, like we use to." She missed his company and the thought brought a tear to her eyes. She really wished she hadn't messed up their lives together. Now she had a second chance to be with Amon, but one day he might regain his memory and she was sure he'd be even angrier, but the more she tried to fight her feelings for Amon, the harder it became to do so. He was so kind and caring right now, he was the man he was before she'd cheated on him. She wondered when he would return the the grumpy under commander who wanted nothing more to do with her.

 

Cor

 

Finishing off his drink, and thanking Corlinny for handing him the water skin Amon looked around the small village, a momentary fancy taking his thoughts as he wondered what it would be like to live somewhere like this. Him, Corlinny and a forge where he could do an honest days work. So strong was the image that he wondered what made him think he was ever suited to a soldiers life. Even though he had done well, second in Command of the most feared Army in this age or past ages. Their reputation was in no small part owed to ideas Amon and Mehrin had thrashed out a long time ago. The Band were unlike any other Army, their training was different, their attitude different and this came from the Commanders they fought for. They knew as well as every soldier did that their Commanders did not just stand on a hill and direct their troops. The Band’s Commanders had the reputation of being some of the best tacticians and most fearsome enemies someone could face. It was this that earned them the loyalty of their soldiers, that and the fact that both Amon and Mehrin believed in leading from the front and could always be found in the thick of battle.

 

“Anywhere and nowhere it would seem Cor. I was just wondering what it would be like to live in a village like this, just you and me. No troubles, no worries, none of that.” Amon waved his hand in the general direction of the Citadel. “I could work a forge, maybe even own one. You could help the local Wisdom out, maybe even become the Wisdom. I was speaking to one of your teachers the other day and they are very impressed with your skills, they think you are a natural healer. I could have told them that, but the medics think only their opinions matter. They also told me that you hardly ever left my side while I was unconscious, and that you had to be ordered to your bed on more than one occasion so exhausted were. A dedication like that should not go unremarked you know.” By now Corlinny had remounted her horse and so Amon moved his closer, knowing that neither horse would baulk, they were fully trained warhorses and were used to the close proximity of other horses. Taking her nearest hand in his, Amon brought it up to his lips and kissed her fingers. “Thank you Corlinny, what you did was above and beyond the call of duty, and it means a lot to me.”

 

Ehlana had once commented that his smile could charm the birds down from the trees, and even though he did not remember her, or their time together, her words would have been true that day as they were when she had originally told him.

 

Amon(Tik Tik) Turamber

 

Under Commander, BotRH

 

Berserker for Life

 

Corlinny nearly melted at his compliment. "I didn't do it because it was my duty, I did it because I love you, I always have." She wanted to kiss him, but she was afraid of falling off of her horse with that display of affection.

 

They started back on their track as they walked their horses through the country side, Corlinny thought about what he'd said and how much she wished they could be together forever and how she had really screwed up her life and his by cheating on him. Corlinny had to look away from the happy moment now and fight back tears from her guilt. She knew this would never last. "I wish things could be like you remember, and not what I do." She looked over at him and smiled with tears in her eyes. "I wish you could walk, I want to kiss you so bad."

 

Cor

 

eaving the village behind Amon and Corlinny walked their horses along the dirt road, neither speaking. Amon did not know how to answer her last words. Eventually Amon broke the silence, not wanting her to suffer in silence. “If I knew of a way to recover my memories than I would Corlinny, it is even more frustrating for me than I believe it is for you. You know what I am really like, and yet I have no idea. You say you love me, no matter which me, that places me at a distinct disadvantage. Mind you, I do not remember a time when you did not have me at a disadvantage, you always were able to wrap me around your little finger. “ Amon smiled again remembering the many times she had been able to get him to do something that he had not wanted to. “Do you remember that time when you wanted to go shopping and Rackhir and the rest wanted to go drinking? How you ever managed to convince me to go with you I still do not know.” Shaking his head in amusement, Amon continued to relate light hearted events wanting more than anything to try and make up for the pain Corlinny was feeling.

 

Amon(Tik Tik) Turamber

 

Under Commander, BotRH

 

Berserker for Life

 

He was brining back good memories and the only thing Corlinny could think about was the past few years that they'd been apart, she wished he would remember them, she really hated being in love with him and him being so much in love with her when it could all go poof in the morning.

 

Corlinny turned to Amon hoping that her tears and saddness did not show. "I think it's time we head back it's getting late and it's dark is falling, we need to get you back so we don't hurt you out here in the darkness." She wanted to go back to her room and cry but more than anything else she wanted to be with Amon in the way that it was meant to be, her first time with a man should have been with Amon, not his best friend. She regretted everything in her life after that point. Now she was paying for it, but Amon was being so nice now, and he wouldn't when he remembered.

 

Cor