Rion sat with is back resting on the back board of his bed, hands wrapped around his knees hugging them to his chest. He felt, hollow, betrayed. The pain that he felt watching Jocelyn run from him had doubled when he had released Saidin and let the void slip away. Tears had began to form in is eyes as he entered the house and he had immediately shut himself off from the rest of the world so as not to show his weakness.

 

He had said nothing, internally or otherwise, the voice being thankfully quiet, and just brooded on his thoughts. Above all else he wondered what Jocelyn had meant with her talk of friendship, the ‘lessons’, the teasing; wondered if it was all just a small amount of amusement on her part to keep her busy until she was able to run out on him back to Arad Domon. Rion had felt so sure that she would stay, that he had convinced her, given her some incentive to stay at the Farm. But she had still run, tearing his heart out with each step.

 

Which had led Rion to wondering why he felt the way he did, why Jocelyn leaving could hurt him so much. It revolved mostly on the fact that at the Tower she had been his only true friend. The only person he felt totally comfortable with and felt he could tell anything to. He had come to realize that he cared for Jocelyn more than anything else he could put a finger on, and he couldn’t understand why. She had been his ‘special friend,’ as she called it, and was the only girl he had ever kissed yes but even if that had never happened Rion knew he would feel the same way. And it scared him to think that Jocelyn would still run despite that, and her running spoke of what she felt for him. Nothing. He had merely been something for a Domani girl to use for a while before discarding for her pleasures at home. Rion rested his forehead against his knees as tear unbiddenly fell down his cheek.

 

 

Rion

Jocelyn awoke to find her room still dark, and her eyes itchy from the amount of tears she had shed. Her precious book was still clutched in her hand, a reminder of the pain she felt in her heart. How could she have left? How could she be so cruel? She rolled over, away from the wall that separated her room from Rion's. She didn't deserve his friendship, but she knew she would do anything to get it back. What had she been thinking? In one stupid move, she had destroyed her one true friendship, hurt the one she loved more than anything else, and ensured misery for both herself and Rion. She deserved it though, he didn't.

 

Sitting up, she scrubbed at her face and pushed her hair out of her face. She needed to speak to him, needed to explain that she hadn't meant to hurt him, would never try to hurt him. Light, she would even march in there and tell him of her love, if she thought it would do any good. She sighed. Why would he even believe a word she said?

 

Still, she couldn't leave things as they were. Standing, she paced across the small floor, wringing her hands. She still had to tell him, let him know - no MAKE him see! - that it was not because of him. That she would do anything to make him smile. That no matter what he now thought of her, she loved him, and always would. And that she was never going to even attempt to leave, even if she never received a smile from him again.

 

She halted and dropped her hands. Light, to never see him smile again was such a depressing thought. But she knew it to be true. Even if all she had now was his scorn, she would never be able to leave him again. She had to tell him.

 

Reaching for the door handle, she was surprised to see find it unlocked. If she had any luck, Rion would still be awake. And if he wasn't...well, she would wake him. But she had to tell him.

 

Stepping into the hall, she saw a faint glow from under Rion's door, a sure sign he was still awake. She hesitated, unsure. Could she handle seeing the hurt on his face? No matter, she deserved it, and Rion deserved what little explanation she could give him.

 

Trying to steel herself against the inevitable rejection, she still could not stop the nervous churning of her stomach. Whatever he said, she deserved it, she told herself. Ignoring the fact that her dress was rumpled and her hair unkempt, and her cheeks no doubt tear stained, Jocelyn lifted her hand and tapped softly on Rion's door.

 

"Rion?" She whispered, forcing her voice past the lump on her throat. She heard no response, and hesitated. No doubt she was the last person he wanted to see, but she could not let him think the worst. Rapping softly once more, she pushed the door open, slowly and hesitatingly.

 

The ache in her heart doubled at the sight before her, he looked so dejected, his knees to his chest. Still he did not look at her, as she slipped into the room and closed the door behind her. Light, look what she had done! Was she just a callous monster? She fought the flood of tears that threatened to overwhelm her as she leaned back against the door.

 

"Rion..." She began, swallowing before continuing. "I'm so sorry." A sob wracked her frame, but she held it back. She deserved the pain. She hung her head, unable to look at him, unable to stand the pain on his face. "I never meant to hurt you...I don't want to leave you..." She broke off once more and took a deep breath, her hands clenched in her skirts.

 

"I had to tell you...had to try to explain..." Looking up, she was unable to hold back a sob as the look on his face broke her heart. How could she do what she did? Tears blurred her vision and she hung her head once more. Tell him! She yelled at herself, but her courage failed her. "I would burn myself three times over if I could take back what I did." She whispered, looking at her hands. "I hate knowing that I've hurt...the only man who ever cared for me at all..." She took a shaky breath and closed her eyes. "The only man I've ever loved." The words seemed to hang in the air, and Jocelyn waited, for what she didn't know. But there was no going back now.

Rion was to exhausted emotionally to be thinking anything of worth as he heard a slight knock on the door followed by the familier voice calling his name. The same call that would have sent his heart racing and him looking all over for the origin of the voice such a short time ago. Now Rion didn't even lift his head from his knees.

 

Rion turned his head to look at the opposite wall at the low scratch of the door opening. "I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you...I don't want to leave you..." The hurt and pain evident in Jocelyn's voice pulled at Rion's heart. A part of him wanted very much to forgive Jocelyn and run over and hold her, make her pain turn into the smile that he loved so much. The other though still saw the image of her running in the woods, away from him.

 

Her words, she had never meatnt to hurt him, that she didn't want to leave. Rion tightened his eyes to blink back the tears beggining to form. His two parts tore at him, once accepted the words while the other told them as lies. He wanted to say something to put in that if she hadnt wanted to hurt him then why had she ran away. But he couldn't make the words form. Slowly his head turned to look at Jocelyn, portraying his unspoken message.

 

I had to tell you...had to try to explain..." A lone tear ran down Rion's cheek to match he sob that racked Jocelyn. Her pain tore at what was left of his broken heart. Even after what had happened he still didn't want to see Jocelyn hurting so.

 

"I would burn myself three times over if I could take back what I did." But you still did it Rion's inner voce accused. "I hate knowing that I've hurt...the only man who ever cared for me at all..." Rion's head rose from his knees ever so slightly at Jocelyn's pause, "The only man I've ever loved."

 

The words were so simply and yet they carried with them more wieght, more effect than anything. He raised his head fully finally and his mind began to work once again. The small part of him that wanted to throw Rion's arms around Jocelyn fought valiently to surface but the doubt was still there. Could he truly beleive that Jocelyn would love him. A women who could have any man in the world would chose him to give her love to.

 

Rion's mouth opened and closed over and over trying to form words but unable to do anything. Finally sound came out, quiet and hollow. "How can I believe you. How do I know that you are telling me the truth when you already betrayed me once."

 

Rion blinked back the tears forming in his eyes and swallowed the lump rising in his throat. He had to concentrate to keep his voice steady, though it was already thick with emotion. "I trusted you with everything. I thought you were my friend. Thought that perhaps a kiss meant more than simply something to pass the time while you and Racelle plotted to run from here." Rion scrubbed his eyes with the heel of his palm. "You were the first person I have ever kissed so forgive me for my childishness." The last came out slightly spiteful with a hint of anger towards the end.

 

Rion took a shaky breath as another tear ran down his cheek, everything he had thought about suddenly bursting forth. His voice gained emotion as he continued, though what Rion couldn't tell. "The moment I saw you through that gateway it felt as if my heart was being torn from my chest. I care....I care for you more than anything else in this world....I loved you from nearly the moment I saw you."

 

Rion was surpsied at how easily the words, the admittance came to him. He had finally put a finger on the emotion that rose in his chest every time he looked at Jocelyn, love. And it made what Jocelyn had done hurt that much more, made seeing her in pain tht much more hurtful, and made his words that much harder to say. "But you still ran. Here, you want to know what I'm feeling. Here's the image that stole all the trust I had in you, made it so I don't know whether you are lying to me or not."

 

Rion turned his back on the woman he loved as a sob shook him from head to toe.

 

 

Rion

Rion was to exhausted emotionally to be thinking anything of worth as he heard a slight knock on the door followed by the familier voice calling his name. The same call that would have sent his heart racing and him looking all over for the origin of the voice such a short time ago. Now Rion didn't even lift his head from his knees.

 

Rion turned his head to look at the opposite wall at the low scratch of the door opening. "I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you...I don't want to leave you..." The hurt and pain evident in Jocelyn's voice pulled at Rion's heart. A part of him wanted very much to forgive Jocelyn and run over and hold her, make her pain turn into the smile that he loved so much. The other though still saw the image of her running in the woods, away from him.

 

Her words, she had never meatnt to hurt him, that she didn't want to leave. Rion tightened his eyes to blink back the tears beggining to form. His two parts tore at him, once accepted the words while the other told them as lies. He wanted to say something to put in that if she hadnt wanted to hurt him then why had she ran away. But he couldn't make the words form. Slowly his head turned to look at Jocelyn, portraying his unspoken message.

 

I had to tell you...had to try to explain..." A lone tear ran down Rion's cheek to match he sob that racked Jocelyn. Her pain tore at what was left of his broken heart. Even after what had happened he still didn't want to see Jocelyn hurting so.

 

"I would burn myself three times over if I could take back what I did." But you still did it Rion's inner voce accused. "I hate knowing that I've hurt...the only man who ever cared for me at all..." Rion's head rose from his knees ever so slightly at Jocelyn's pause, "The only man I've ever loved."

 

The words were so simply and yet they carried with them more wieght, more effect than anything. He raised his head fully finally and his mind began to work once again. The small part of him that wanted to throw Rion's arms around Jocelyn fought valiently to surface but the doubt was still there. Could he truly beleive that Jocelyn would love him. A women who could have any man in the world would chose him to give her love to.

 

Rion's mouth opened and closed over and over trying to form words but unable to do anything. Finally sound came out, quiet and hollow. "How can I believe you. How do I know that you are telling me the truth when you already betrayed me once."

 

Rion blinked back the tears forming in his eyes and swallowed the lump rising in his throat. He had to concentrate to keep his voice steady, though it was already thick with emotion. "I trusted you with everything. I thought you were my friend. Thought that perhaps a kiss meant more than simply something to pass the time while you and Racelle plotted to run from here." Rion scrubbed his eyes with the heel of his palm. "You were the first person I have ever kissed so forgive me for my childishness." The last came out slightly spiteful with a hint of anger towards the end.

 

Rion took a shaky breath as another tear ran down his cheek, everything he had thought about suddenly bursting forth. His voice gained emotion as he continued, though what Rion couldn't tell. "The moment I saw you through that gateway it felt as if my heart was being torn from my chest. I care....I care for you more than anything else in this world....I loved you from nearly the moment I saw you."

 

Rion was surpsied at how easily the words, the admittance came to him. He had finally put a finger on the emotion that rose in his chest every time he looked at Jocelyn, love. And it made what Jocelyn had done hurt that much more, made seeing her in pain tht much more hurtful, and made his words that much harder to say. "But you still ran. Here, you want to know what I'm feeling. Here's the image that stole all the trust I had in you, made it so I don't know whether you are lying to me or not."

 

Rion turned his back on the woman he loved as a sob shook him from head to toe.

 

 

Rion

The silence seemed to stretch for an eternity, broken only by Jocelyn's quiet gasps as she tried to rein in her sobs, wiping the back of her hand over her eyes. "How can I believe you. How do I know that you are telling me the truth when you already betrayed me once."

 

How could she blame him? She squeezed her eyes shut as his words cut through her like a knife, hurting no less, even though she had almost expected them. A small part of her must have hoped that, despite everything, Rion would be able to forgive her. Fool, she didn't deserve it, she couldn't even blame him if he hated her.

 

"You were the first person I have ever kissed so forgive me for my childishness." Another sob escaped her before she could stop it. She had never thought of him as nothing more than a way to pass the time. She had never felt the way she did when she kissed him, knowing now the love she had felt for what it was. She treasured the fact that she was the first, the only girl he had ever kissed, treasured the memory deep in her heart, though the light knew he deserved better than her, a wretched betrayer.

 

She lifted her head, the pain he obviously felt evident in his voice, in the tears staining his cheek. She wanted to run to him, take him in her arms and somehow make everything ok, but she had no right, no right to touch him after what she had done to him.

 

"The moment I saw you through that gateway it felt as if my heart was being torn from my chest. I care....I care for you more than anything else in this world....I loved you from nearly the moment I saw you." The admission should have made her heart soar, instead she felt as though he had kicked her. He loved her? And she had still run? How could she be so blind, so foolish? She slid down the wall, sobbing freely, seeing just how much she had thrown away with her fool notion of returning home.

 

"But you still ran. Here, you want to know what I'm feeling. Here's the image that stole all the trust I had in you, made it so I don't know whether you are lying to me or not."Jocelyn sniffed, swiping at the tears that would not stop, her heart breaking at the sight of what she'd done. How could she have hurt him so, when she loved him, more than anything she'd ever known?

 

She watched as he turned his back, the action saying so much. She'd had his love, but now she had nothing but his hurt and mistrust. "I don't blame you for not blaming me." She began, her breath coming out in gasps as she struggled with the raw emotions battling her. "But for what it's worth, I'm telling you the truth. I don't want to leave you...and somehow I'm going to provet hat to you. I love you more than I've ever loved anything."

 

Still he kept his back to her, and Jocelyn moved forward, her arm extended. She wanted to touch him, comfort and soothe him, but she didn't dare, her hand falling back to her side. "Please, what can I do to show you? How can I make it right? I don't deserve another chance, I don't deserve your friendship, or your love...but I will do whatever it takes to show you how much I regret what I did...how much I love you." She whispered, ignoring the tears dripping onto her bodice. No matter what, she would try.

The silence seemed to stretch for an eternity, broken only by Jocelyn's quiet gasps as she tried to rein in her sobs, wiping the back of her hand over her eyes. "How can I believe you. How do I know that you are telling me the truth when you already betrayed me once."

 

How could she blame him? She squeezed her eyes shut as his words cut through her like a knife, hurting no less, even though she had almost expected them. A small part of her must have hoped that, despite everything, Rion would be able to forgive her. Fool, she didn't deserve it, she couldn't even blame him if he hated her.

 

"You were the first person I have ever kissed so forgive me for my childishness." Another sob escaped her before she could stop it. She had never thought of him as nothing more than a way to pass the time. She had never felt the way she did when she kissed him, knowing now the love she had felt for what it was. She treasured the fact that she was the first, the only girl he had ever kissed, treasured the memory deep in her heart, though the light knew he deserved better than her, a wretched betrayer.

 

She lifted her head, the pain he obviously felt evident in his voice, in the tears staining his cheek. She wanted to run to him, take him in her arms and somehow make everything ok, but she had no right, no right to touch him after what she had done to him.

 

"The moment I saw you through that gateway it felt as if my heart was being torn from my chest. I care....I care for you more than anything else in this world....I loved you from nearly the moment I saw you." The admission should have made her heart soar, instead she felt as though he had kicked her. He loved her? And she had still run? How could she be so blind, so foolish? She slid down the wall, sobbing freely, seeing just how much she had thrown away with her fool notion of returning home.

 

"But you still ran. Here, you want to know what I'm feeling. Here's the image that stole all the trust I had in you, made it so I don't know whether you are lying to me or not."Jocelyn sniffed, swiping at the tears that would not stop, her heart breaking at the sight of what she'd done. How could she have hurt him so, when she loved him, more than anything she'd ever known?

 

She watched as he turned his back, the action saying so much. She'd had his love, but now she had nothing but his hurt and mistrust. "I don't blame you for not blaming me." She began, her breath coming out in gasps as she struggled with the raw emotions battling her. "But for what it's worth, I'm telling you the truth. I don't want to leave you...and somehow I'm going to provet hat to you. I love you more than I've ever loved anything."

 

Still he kept his back to her, and Jocelyn moved forward, her arm extended. She wanted to touch him, comfort and soothe him, but she didn't dare, her hand falling back to her side. "Please, what can I do to show you? How can I make it right? I don't deserve another chance, I don't deserve your friendship, or your love...but I will do whatever it takes to show you how much I regret what I did...how much I love you." She whispered, ignoring the tears dripping onto her bodice. No matter what, she would try.

"I don't blame you for not blaming me. But for what it's worth, I'm telling you the truth. I don't want to leave you...and somehow I'm going to provet hat to you. I love you more than I've ever loved anything."

 

The pain in Jocelyn's voice, the way her breath cae in gasps that spoke that she was sobbing, tore at Rion's inside with the same ferocity that the pain he felt for her leaving had. He wanted to get up, put his arms around her and make the tears stop but he could not. His mind would not listen to his heart, to long had he shunned what his heart told him and listened to his mind.

 

"Please, what can I do to show you? How can I make it right? I don't deserve another chance, I don't deserve your friendship, or your love...but I will do whatever it takes to show you how much I regret what I did...how much I love you."

 

Light she sounded like she was telling the truth. How could someone fake that much pain in their voice. Rion shook silently as he tried to stifle his tears that his emotions had ripped from him. Could Rion beleive what she said, no matter what she had done before. She had said plain outright that she was telling the truth, that she loved him.

 

Rion slowly turned and felt his heart breaking into even more pieces at the look on Jocelyn's face. Tears flowed freely down her face, her eyes were red from the tears and the look spoke of a sense of utter despair. He clenched his hand on his leg to prevent himself from reaching out to her. His voice was chocked with emotion and Rion had to stop every few words to take in a ragged breath. "I don't know..Jocelyn I don't know."

 

Rion took a few ragged breaths and scratched at his cheek with a hand to clear away the tears falling down. "I want to believe you, I want to know that you love me as much as I love you but...But something inside me can't. My heart want to forgive you know, to beleive you and hold you in my arms. But my mind points to this hollowness in my chest and it keeps me back."

 

"You ask what you can do to make me see and I don't know. Light I don't.."

Rion sniffed and blinked away the new batch of tears forming in his eyes. "I don't know." Rion shook silently as he closed his eyes, unable to bear looking at Jocelyn in the state she was in right then. The pain was to much to bear.

 

 

Rion

"I don't know..Jocelyn I don't know." Jocelyn hung her head at the words, hardly blaming him, yet berating herself for having hoped he would forgive her. She didn't deserve anything from him, not even his pity.

 

"I want to believe you, I want to know that you love me as much as I love you but...But something inside me can't. My heart want to forgive you know, to beleive you and hold you in my arms. But my mind points to this hollowness in my chest and it keeps me back." A flicker of hope burst to life, tiny as it was. He still loved her, after all that she had done when she ran from him. He didn't believe her though. But if she could convince him, somehow...

 

"You ask what you can do to make me see and I don't know. Light I don't...I don't know." Jocelyn's heart was breaking, though the tiny flicker of hope remained. She would try anything, everything, to convince him of just how much she loved him. Somehow she would regain his trust, if she had to spend her lifetime trying.

 

Her sobs had subsided somewhat, though the tears still freely ran down her cheeks. Slowly she rose, wringing her hands in her skirts. "Whatever it takes, I will do." She said softly, earnestly, as she looked at the pain on the face of the man she loved. "I will show you how much I love you, if it's the last thing I do."

 

Jocelyn took a tentative step forward, and knelt by Rion. She didn't touch him, wasn't brave enough to watch him push her away, but she gazed at him, determination in her voice as she spoke through her tears. "I swear by the Light, and by my hope of salvation and rebirth, that I will never leave you again." Such a strong oath, yet one she was going to hold til the end, no matter what. "And I will never leave you, because I love you, and always will." She added in a whisper.

 

Once more she stood, hanging her head, lest she see more hurt and disbelief in his eyes. "I should let you sleep. I'm sorry. Good night." With a final sniff, she stepped to the door, brushing at the tears on her cheeks as she closed the door softly behind her, and made her way to the room next door. In her mind, she already began to formulate ideas on how to show him she was serious. She would begin first thing in the morning, she decided.

 

Undressing quickly, exhaustion finally weighed over her once more. As hard as it had been, she was glad she told Rion how she felt. She would make things right, had to. Pressing her fingers to her lips, she touched the wall separating them softly. "I will make it up to you, my love." She whispered to the dark room, before letting herself drift off to sleep.

"Whatever it takes, I will do. I will show you how much I love you, if it's the last thing I do." Rion shook his head, his heart wanting to tell her not to say things like that. That the last thing she would do would be a long way off in the future after they had been together for a long time But his mind still prevented the words from forming, keeping it's iron fist control over his body intact.

 

"I swear by the Light, and by my hope of salvation and rebirth, that I will never leave you again. And I will never leave you, because I love you, and always will." Rion couldn't help his mouth drop a small amount. Of all the things he had not suspected that, and for Jocelyn to be lying about this would mean only one thing and Rion refused to beleive even in his current state that Jocelyn could be a Darkfriend. Slowly his heart began to win as his mind began to see that perhaps she was telling the truth. Now she would never leave him.

 

I should let you sleep. I'm sorry. Good night." Rion half rose in protest but wasn't able to speak before the door had closed behind Jocelyn. "No please...Don't leave me..." Rion rose slowly on his half steady legs and took an unsteady step to the door but he couldn't bring himself to go through the door.

 

He sat back down on te edge of his bed facing the wall that seperated Jocelyn from him. He wasn't sure what he was thinking, couldn't decide how he felt. The war between his mind and his heart raged and the voice that was becomming all to familier reappeared. Do you really believe those words boy? How could someone like her love someone like you? You are a bookish coward, she is a beautiful Domani temptress.

 

That oath. There is nothing stronger. She swore she would never leave me, swore that she loved me. Rion rose and slowly pressed a hand to the wall that sperated the two rooms. He took a small amount of streangth in the simple act before turning and undressing before slipping into bed.

 

Sleep came slowly and when it finally came it was wracked by nightmares.

 

Rion ran slowly through the heat of the fire surounding him. He needed to get out, to get of the barn and away from teh flames. The barn was closing around him and the terror inside of him coursed through his veins. He needed to get out, and to catch the fleeing skirts in front of him.

 

"Jocelyn! Jocelyn!!!" Rion tripped and landed on his face in the straw. The flames descended and his cries were met only with the image of Jocelyn fleeing from him. "JOCELYN!!"

 

Rion jolted up out of the sheets sweating. It was still dark out and Rion laid his head back down on the pillow, though he didn't go back to sleep. Instead he just brooded and waited for the sun to rise.

 

 

Rion

Jocelyn woke early, when the sky was still turning from black to grey, a few stars still twinkling above. Her resolve was as firm as ever, as she dressed, the new blue one that Rion had bought for her. Brushing her hair, she tied it back in a simple braid. She wasn't trying to dazzle Rion today, though she knew the blue was his favourite. She was going to prove to him that she meant her vow.

 

Quietly she slipped down to the kitchen, not wanting to wake anyone. She was not much of a cook, but she was going to try her hand at making breakfast. Looking through the cupboards, she took what she could find, and set to work. Several attempts later, and no shortage of mess, she carried a tray up to Rion, steaming porridge with dried apple mixed in, and some of last night's bread that she had heated. Wary of stepping outside, all she could find to drink was tea, which she had prepared in a pot for him, all balancing on the tray.

 

Heading back up the stairs somewhat awkwardly, she rapped on Rion's door, before pushing it open. His room was dark, but she could see he was awake. He looked terrible, and it took all that she had not to turn on her heel and head back out in tears. She would be strong, and prove her devotion. "I made you breakfast." She said softly, setting the tray on the small side table. "It's not much, but it's the least I can do." With a slight shrug, she stepped out of the room, closing the door behind her.

 

Stopping briefly at her own room, she grabbed her book, and headed back downstairs. First, she needed to clean the kitchen, then she would sit and read. She wasn't even going to attempt leaving the house.

Rion looked up slowly as the door of his room creaked open. He looked up, suprised at who was walking into his room and with what. Jocelyn pushed open the door with a tray of food, even though the sky was still gray outside. "I made you breakfast. It's not much, but it's the least I can do."

 

Rion watched Jocelyn put down the tray and her walk out, his heart tugging at the confines in his chest as he did so. The door closed with a defining click and Rion slowly enveloped himself in the void and reached out towards Saidin. He made a small ball of light and used threads of air to levitate the small tray towards him.

 

The voice took up it's ranting again. She is just trying to lull you into a false sense of security. Don't trust her boy. Embrace me and together we can be strong.

 

Rion ignored the voice and took up a spoon. He dipped it into the porridge and took a small sip. The warmth spread through him as the porridge slid down his throat and a small smile took up residence on his face. He took a small peace of bread and chewed on it as he got out of his bed. He took a step to the washstand, the ball of light following him and began to wash himself. He started with his face, moving to his teeth next and then washing his hair lightly. He ran his hands to smooth out his clothes and some of the wrinkles and then picke dup the tray and began to make his way downstairs.

 

He pushed his way into the kitchen and caught Jocelyn cleaning. She turned and looked towards him as he moved in but Rion only half looked at her. He sat down at the table and began to eat slowly. He pushed half of his meal on the edge of his tray abd then pushed it towards Jocelyn when he had finished his half.

 

"There's some for you if you want. Thank you." Rion pushed himself from his chair and turned to walk out of the kitchen and back towards his room to finish getting ready for the day. He had at least one other clean uniform.

 

 

Rion

Jocelyn muttered under her breath as she scrubbed at a pot, remembering just why she never used to do such menial tasks at home. The difference was why she was doing it now though. It may not be a task she relished, but she would have to find something to do to fill in her time in her new home. Besides, there was something almost satisfying, knowing it was for Rion that she worked.

 

A sound in the doorway made Jocelyn look up, her heart catching in her throat as she spotted Rion. He merely glanced her way, before sitting once more. What did you expect? She chided herself, turning back to the pot and scrubbing it with renewed enthusiasm. Stealing glances at Rion out of the corner of her eye, she was thrilled to see he at least was eating the breakfast she had made. So he didn't think she'd poison him - well, it was something.

 

"There's some for you if you want. Thank you."Jocelyn looked at the bowl as he stood and headed out. "Thankyou." She replied softly, touched at the simple gesture. Setting down the pot, she sat and pulled the bowl closer, touching the spoon lightly where Rion had held it. Softly she sighed, before finishing the meal. When she was done, she finished cleaning the kitchen, using it as a distraction from the forlorn thoughts that threatened to over take her. She needed to be patient, she couldn't expect miracles to happen over night. She would show Rion how sorry she was, how seriously she took her oath. She just didn't realise it was going to be so hard on her heart, the pain always so near. She sighed as she put away the last clean bowl. It was the least of what she deserved.

 

Gathering her most precious possession, her book given to her by Rion, she walked through to the sitting room, taking a seat by the window where the early morning sun was starting to stream through. Tucking her feet beneath her, she opened the well-loved book, showing some wear despite the care she took with it. She would allow herself a little pleasure with her book, before she set about mending what she could of her older gowns.

 

Smoothing a hand over the open page, Jocelyn smiled, a tiny smile crossing her features as she remembered the day she got the book, the look of pure wonder when she had taken Rion to the bookshop. She chuckled softly, remembering just how that evening had ended, another meal taken in the kitchen. She sighed softly and closed the book. She hadn't gotten around to making him read the book yet. The distance between them now seemed so huge, and she knew it was all her own doing. She shook her head, unable to keep reading the romantic words while her heart ached so.

 

Rising, she set about collecting her older gowns and a sewing kit, before taking the spot back in the sun. She had never had much patience for needlework before, finding it a tiresome chore. Somehow she thought she wouldn't be receiving any gifts of new dresses any time soon, so she had best mend the ones she had.

 

Leaning over the material in her lap, she worked the needle and thread carefully, taking care to keep her stitches neat and even. It really was tedious work, but she wanted Rion to see that she was content to amuse herself under this roof, that being near him was enough to make her happy.

 

She gasped, uttering a colourful curse as she pricked her finger with the needle, no doubt a result of letting her mind wander. Holding up her finger, she grimaced at the growing bead of crimson blood, fighting the slight wave of nausea that threatened. Seeing another's blood was one thing, but her own, even in a tiny amount, was not a good thing. "Ooooh light." She murmured, swallowing as she looked for somthing to cover her finger with.

Rion slowly doffed the shirt and pants of his wrinkled uniform and used the moment of undress to wash the remaining of his body, knowing he would most likely not make it to a free bath today that he could use. He used saidin in combination with more conventional methods.

 

He finished and dressed again in a cleaner uniform and clipped his dedicated sword pin to his collar. He sighed and straightened out his uniform, smoothing over his pants where he knew there was no need. He was simply trying to prevent himself from going back downstairs.

 

He slipped his last book in his pocket and made his way down the stairs slowly. He stopped at the foot of the stairs right before he had to go through the sitting room and he had spotted Jocelyn sitting with a pile of dresses on her lap. He couldn't decide how he felt about Jocelyn now, she was slowly worming her way back into her trust because of how true she seemed to be with her intent to make him see that she did love him.

 

He took the last few steps and took a peek over her shoulder and let out a strangled gasp as he saw a line of red dripping down her finger. He embraced saidin instincively and wove a table of air that caught a small droplet of blood before it could mar the silk of her blue dress.

 

His next steps were quick as he moved to stand next to Jocelyn and kneel next to her, his concern for her taking full control of his mind and his problems with her forgotten. He cupped his hand under hers and pulled water out of the air wash the small prick, rubbing over it with his soft hands, uncalloused with the lack of physical activity he had done.

 

His next weave was one to cut away a small strip from his sleeve and then wound it about Miria's finger to stem the flow of blood. He wasn't strong enough nor skilled to have mastered healing so would have to go with the more mundane skills. His finger slowly traced over the bandage as his eyes moved up to connect with Jocelyns.

 

 

Rion

Jocelyn watched, mesmerised, as the drop on her finger grew, the trickle slowly running over the edge to drip on her dress...except that it was stopped mid-air. Surprised, she looked up to see Rion, her heart instantly jumping at the sight of him striding towards her, a look that had to be concern on his face.

 

She watched silently, scared of what would happen if she tried to speak as he gently cared for her finger, using a strip of cloth from his own shirt to wrap her finger, much as how she'd ruined her own dress to care for his nose some time ago.

 

His hands were warm and caring, just like the man himself, and Jocelyn felt her heart swell with renewed love for Rion, and another tiny flicker of hope as he looked up, meeting her eyes for the first time. She tried to smile, though feared it was somewhat shaky. "Thankyou." She murmured, taking a deep breath to calm her racing heart. "It was only a little scratch, but the sight of blood...well not any blood, my blood...sorry I'm rambling." She let out a breath, flushing and smiling sheepishly at Rion. She would do anything to regain his trust, yet was terrified of pushing him away, leaving her feeling awkward, not quite sure how to act.

 

She sighed, frustrated at her inability to be articulate more than anything else as she mustered up another smile, her love for him burning her from the inside. "Thankyou." She said again, embarassed. She just hoped he didn't think she deliberately hurt herself to get his sympathy. Light, she may be a lot of things, but she was not going to stoop to blatant manipulation to win back the man she loved.

 

Worried that if she didn't put her hands back to work she'd likely try to touch him, she picked up the needle once more, though it was almost impossible to focus on the stitches. Her eyes flicked back to Rion's shyly, as though not sure if she was allowed the simple act anymore. She didn't know what to say, but she didn't want him to leave either...Light, why was this so difficult. "I guess I will have to learn to toughen my fingers." She said lightly, with a half-hearted attempt at a chuckle, lowering her eyes against the awkwardness she felt.

Rion breathed slowly as he looked at Jocelyn's somewhat shaky smile as his old feeelings began to return. "Thankyou. It was only a little scratch, but the sight of blood...well not any blood, my blood...sorry I'm rambling." Rion could not deny how beautiful Jocelyn looked as she smiled rather sheepishly, a blush gracing her cheeks. He could not deny the fact that looking at her made his heart race and pulsate with an emotion he could now call love.

 

"Thankyou. I guess I will have to learn to toughen my fingers." Rion nodded as he stepped back and stood after Jocelyn took her hand back and begant o take up her stitching again. He remained silent a rather stony expression on his face. He breathed slowly as his mind raced and his heart fought. She was making it a very tough fight for his mind to win.

 

Rion nodded slowly, unable to stand here akwardly any longer. He would be late on anyside. "I will be back later, I have a class in the morning and I am helping teach in teh early afternoon so I might not be back for a few hours. Dashiva might be able to help you with your finger if it hurts, or bleeds or something." Rion paused at the the doorway, turning his head. "Or just learn to try and not do things that you know will hurt you in the end." Rion pushed open the foorway and stepped into the twilight of the dawn.

 

Rion

Jocelyn lifted her stitching again, her hand shaking slightly under the flood of emotions torrenting through her body. She longed to see him smile again, see him blush the way he used to. The distance was so painful, and so thick she thought she could almost cut it with a knife.

 

"I will be back later, I have a class in the morning and I am helping teach in teh early afternoon so I might not be back for a few hours. Dashiva might be able to help you with your finger if it hurts, or bleeds or something."Jocelyn nodded silently at Rion's back as he walked away, her heart catching in her throat when he paused, turning her head towards her slightly.

 

"Or just learn to try and not do things that you know will hurt you in the end."The words hung in the air as Rion left, and Jocelyn closed her eyes against the tears that threatened as the pain reached her heart, as though squeezing it. She'd already learnt that harsh lesson yesterday, at how much she could hurt herself and the one she loved with her own stupid decisions. One lone tear made a path down her cheek, and she angrily pushed it away. She would not cry anymore, she would make amends, no matter how hard it seemed.

 

Methodically Jocelyn finished her sewing, doing her best to concentrate as the stitches seemed to dance in front of her vision. Frustrated, she folded the dresses and took them upstairs to her room, tossing them onto the bed with a frown. How on earth was she supposed to keep her days occupied, without going mad? Since she didn't know the anser, she pushed aside the unpleasant thought. Being with Rion was all that mattered.

 

Stepping outside her door she paused before Rion's room. With a small nod to herself she walked in, surveying the small room. A pile of wrinkled, dirty uniforms sat on the floor, and Jocelyn made up her mind, grabbing the washing and stomping back down the stairs. She hated washing, but doing the small task for Rion was enough to lift her spirits slightly as she set about lighting the stove in the kitchen.

 

Stepping into the back courtyard, she fetched several buckets of water and took them back inside, to heat the water. Some more hunting just outside the door led her to find a large copepr tub, which she dragged with no small amount of effort into the sun, just behind the house. She was not going to venture away from the house, heavens no.

 

Rummaging around in the kitchen, she eventually found some lye soap, and a stiff scrubbing brush, both which appeared to have seldom been used. "Don't these men clean anything the conventional way?" She muttered to herself, though from what she'd seen working with the power was a lot quicker and easier.

 

Several annoying trips back and forth with the hot water, and Jocelyn was set, rolling her sleeves up past her elbows as she tossed in the clothes, kneeling by the tub as she scrubbed them, grumbling to herself about the indelicacy of the chore. "Just think of why." She kept whispering to herself as she worked. She would endure anything, if it meant it showed Rion that little bit more how serious she was about staying.

Why was it that life had to be so difficult, so confusing. How could life be so cruel as to throw something that you wanted more than anything else in the world, to be loved and accepted, and yet when you find it then it is all thrown into suspicion. Dashiva may have said Rion would have to grow up eventually, but Rion was finding these many life lessons to be such that he wished he could have remained in his innocence until he died.

 

Rion's internal dilemma that caused him to go around half distracting was how hard Jocelyn was making it for him to continue to disbelieve her. Her oath that she would never leave him, how strong of an oath that was should have been enough to change Rion's mind but the image of Jocelyn running from him as he stepped out of the gateway always floated to the forefront of his mind.

 

Throughout the time he was out of the house he went through both the extremes. He promised himself he would forgive her, but then would doubt himself and convince himself that she had never meant her words and that her oath was only because she had no choice about leaving only to repeat the cycle.

 

Rion's steps were slow as he trudged slowly towards Dashiva's house a few hours later. He stepped in slowly and didn't see Jocelyn anywere so he went up towards his room, intent on getting a small amount of reading in now before he was called away for something or other.

 

Rion's ears picked up some rather strange noises from his window and as he peeked out he was rather amazed at what he saw. Jocelyn was standing with some of his uniforms, wet and soapy, and were hanging them to dry in the wind. This was why Rion was so confused. She seemed so intent on staying now, as if her last escape attempt had driven he will from her completely.

 

Rion made his way to the back and stood in the doorway, leaning on the door frame and chewing his lip thoughfully as he wondered what he should say. Jocelyn had yet to notice him. In all Rion was only able to come up with the most obvious, he called, "You didn't have to do that. I could have done it much faster and with less of the effort." Rion paused for a second. "But thank you."

 

 

Rion

Jocelyn's hands were red and wrinkly from the hot water by the time she was done scrubbing the clothes, though she couldn't deny the slight feeling of satisfaction, of having done something herself.

 

Wringing them out as best she could, she gave the clothes a shake and hung them out to dry on a line strung from the back of the house to a post in the ground, letting them flap softly in the light breeze that was blowing, before stepping back, wiping her soapy hands on her skirts.

 

The voice behind her almost made her jump, and she whirled, turning to face Rion as he leaned against the door frame, looking so handsome in the relaxed position. Her heart leapt at the sight, something she thought would always happen, no matter how many times she saw him.

 

"You didn't have to do that. I could have done it much faster and with less of the effort...But thank you."Jocelyn lifted one delicate shoulder in a small shrug, a tiny smile on her lips. Didn't he know she would do anything for him, no matter the cost to her? "I wanted to do it...and a figured it was safer than sewing." She lifted the finger still wrapped with the cloth from his jacket with a rueful smile. "I took your advice in finding something to do that wouldn't hurt me in the end." She grimaced at her hands. "Not in any lasting way, anyway." She sighed, she was rambling again. All she wanted to do was run and throw her arms around him, for him to say he believed her, but she knew it was a fools fantasy.

 

Awkwardly she fiddled with her skirt. "Um...are you hungry? I could fix you some lunch, if you like." She offered with another small shrug. "Or if not, that's fine too." Light, would it always be this strained and awkward? She hesitated, waiting. She would have to walk past him into the house, either way. Would she able to resist throwing her arms about him? She would have to, she thought, gripping her hands together as though to keep them under control.

"I wanted to do it...and a figured it was safer than sewing." Jocelyn's small smile and the shrug of her shoulder was enough to try and tug Rion's lips into imitating her, but they stayed at the straight line they were at. "I took your advice in finding something to do that wouldn't hurt me in the end. Not in any lasting way, anyway."

 

A little late to be learning that lesson chit. Don't speak of her that way. You have no right. The voice in Rion's head that had been growing steadily since Jocelyn had tried to run away. Right now it was raising Rion's hackles with it's downright evil nature. He pushed it away and let his anger fall, though some part of him agreed with the words. But it always had to have the last words. You should agree with me. She left you, why do you still cling to her love. You should hate her, knock her out and revel in the sounds of her screams before you kill her for what she did to you. Go away. Weak, pathetic.

 

"Um...are you hungry? I could fix you some lunch, if you like. Or if not, that's fine too." Rion thought for a moment, he was hungry, his stomach growled once to prove the point. But he wasn't sure what he should do, whether he should spend the time with Jocelyn. He still wasn't sure which way he would chose, his mind and heart were still at war.

 

But his more physical needs won out in the end, and perhpas being near Jocelyn would make him decide faster. "I would umm...love that, something to eat that is. It's being an interesting day." You are far to gullible to survive in this world boy. You and that heart of yours. Compared to you who would rather kill everyone I meet and condemn myself to a life of loneliness and hate. If nothing else your wits are sharp boy, about some things.

 

 

Rion

Jocelyn waited for what seemed a lifetime, until Rion finally spoke again, though she eyed him warily, the look on his face somewhat disturbing. She'd never seen him look so angry as he had in that moment, and she'd be lying if she said it hadn't scared her a little. "I would umm...love that, something to eat that is. It's being an interesting day." She nodded, with a small smile. Interesting day indeed.

 

"Great, well I'll see what I can find." She said, picking up the scrubbing brush and soap to take back inside, standing sideways as she brushed past Rion back into the house, heart leaping with the very brief contact as she passed.

 

Moving into the kitchen, she put away the items she used for cleaning, then paused. Good thinking idiot, what on earth are you going to cook? You can't cook! She berated herself. Surely there was something in this house she could prepare. Hunting through the cupboards, she eventually came across some cheese, bread, dried beef and vegetables. Setting the fire roaring once more, she set about chopping the vegetables, somewhere in the back of her mind recalling watching the cook at home preparing a stew. Hoping her memory didn't fail her completely, she began to put it all together, not noticing when Rion enetered the kitchen and sat at the table, her mind focused on her task.

 

Light just don't let me cut my finger! She thought, letting out a small breath when she put down the knife, finished with it. Tossing the vegetables and meat into the pot with some water, she set it on the fire, turning to find a wooden spoon. She started when she saw Rion at the table, and blushed at her own action. "Didn't realise you were there." She muttered sheepishly, grabbing the spoon, though her eyes lingered somewhat longingly on his handsome face before she turned around again, stifling a sigh. It was never going to get any easier, looking at the face she loved whilever the hurt was evident in it. Light, she wished she could take back what she'd done!

 

She continued fussing, slicing cheese and bread, until the stew was bubbling, the aroma quite delicious. Whether it tasted the same was another manner, the herbs she'd been able to locate had been only few. Dishing the meal up into bowls, she placed one in front of Rion, before setting the plate with bread and cheese in the centre of the table. She hesitated, before sitting on the other side of the table, instead of her customary chair by his side. If she sat there, she doubted she would be able to keep her hands to herself, and no doubt that would only bring her rejection.

 

"I hope it's tastes alright." She said nervously, lifting her spoon, though her eyes were on Rion as he tasted the food. Light help her if it was terrible!

Rion could not deny the quickening of his pulse as Jocelyn brushed passed him, the two of them touching lightly for a brief few seconds. That was his paradox at the moment, fighing between what his heart and mind wanted. Why couldn't like be as simple as a story where everything was logical, thought out, and always ended well. The real world was simply to chaotic, illogical and nothing ended the way you wished it would.

 

Rion moved not far behind Jocelyn and sat down slowly at the table, sitting quietly and patiently. He watched Jocelyn work with a thoughtful expression, silently drumming his fingers on the table, a unconscious habit he had developed when he was thinking.

 

Rion started about as much as Jocelyn when she turned. A rather unfortunate tendency to be so skittish. "Didn't realise you were there." Rion couldn't help the smalll blush blooming on his cheeks fromt eh embaressment of his reaction. Even you are ahsamed of your nature. How could she ever love you for who you are. You are a tool, money, power, a chance out of here. Whatever she wants she will use you for.

 

Rion didn't spare the time to respond, it never worked anyways. He was still frightened of the voice and what it could mean, but now the fear was more that he was begining to accept it. He couldn't go mad, not yet.

 

"I hope it's tastes alright." Rion nodded past the small frown that ad bloomed on his face, though he quickly wiped it off. It was a small victory for his heart when Jocelny sitting across the table from his made him so forlorn. His heart wished it could go back to not so long ago where she would sit next to him, the part longing for the feeling of having Jocelyn pressed beside him and her hand on his thigh as she seemed to enjoy doing.

 

Rion finally lifted his spoon to his mouth with a small bit of stew on it. He sipped cautiously, slowly since he wasn't sure how it would taste. All in all it wasn't bad, though it wasn't very good either. It was rather bland and couldn't stand against Dash's cooking.

 

"It's um....it's good." Rion may have been mad at Joceln but he couldn't bring himself to tell her that her cooking wasn't very good, though he was a terrible lier so perhaps she already knew that anyways.

 

Why do you hold back? Why is it that you are to weak to hurt people who have hurt you? Rion couldn't help himself as his internal voice answered. Because I beleive in something you do not. Hope boy? Is that what you are going to say? Hope that everyone is good deep inside them. Hope that everything will be alright in the end. Hope that by doing good you will somehow change people. Hope that someday hate will end. Hope is a dream that the weak use to justify their weakness and fools use to justify the fact that they cannot see what is really happening around them. I simply beleive that it does me no good to hurt people.[/b] The voice laughed at his rather simplisitic answer. That is a good start to becoming stronger boy, all you need to do is harness that mentality. Rion grimaced to himself, the only visible sign on his internal debate. He ate mechanically, not really tasting anything and for the moment oblivous to his surroundings.

 

 

Rion

"It's um....it's good." Jocelyn felt a brief moment of relief, until she tasted it for herself, finding it terribly bland, if not completely unbearable. Trying to hide a small smile, she lowered her head, grateful that Rion at least had enough sympathy so as to not outright insult her cooking.

 

"Thankyou, she said softly, finding the situation terribly absurd. Perhaps she should spend some time at the inn, and get some pointers. She couldn't keep cooking like this. Lifting her eyes to Rion's face briefly, she frowned at the grimace on his face. Was it the food? Or simply being in her presence...or was it something more? Whatever the reason, Jocelyn feared it was ultimately her fault anyway, the hint of a smile she had suddenly wiped from her face at the sobering thought.

 

She poked at the food, not really hungry, and besides, it wasn't that good. But she was more worried about Rion. He had always been dreamy, it was one of those quirks of his that she had really liked, but the faraway look in his eyes now was not normal. Unable to stand it any longer, she finally stirred up her courage enough to speak up.

 

"Err...Rion?" He looked up, and she smiled, if somewhat shakily. "You don't have to eat it, it's actually quite bad." She joked ruefully. "I guess cooking is something I can work on." She smiled again, though worry edged her eyes as she looked at him, wanting nothing more than to reach out and smooth away the hurt from his face, remove whatever it was that was haunting him. If only she could take back what she had done.

 

Resting her chin on her hand, her elbow on the table, she ran her eyes over his face, as though storing his features into her memory. "I would give anything to take back my actions." She said softly, as though she thought out loud. Embarassed, she leaps out of her seat, a blush heating her cheeks. It was the truth, light knew it was, but saying it wouldn't change anything, words were obviously not enough, else he'd have forgiven her already.

 

"I'm sorry, I'll make something better next time." She mumbled as she scooped up the plates, taking them over to bench, stacking them for washing, deliberately fussing, hiding the slight tremble in her hands. How did a woman set about fixing a broken heart? She wished she knew, she'd give anything to bring back Rion's smile.

The slow beating of his heart and the natter inside his head, thankfully only his heart and mind bickering this time, was the only thing that really concerned Rion. He knew the voice inside his head wasn't his though he argued with himself all the time, a habit really, and Rion had found it a good way to see all the side of the arguement before deciding. The Voice was deeper than his internal, and more ...malignant. Rion couldn't put a finger on it but it just sounded more evil.

 

"Err...Rion?" Rion shook his head slightly as he looked back up, tring to bring himself back to the real world. "You don't have to eat it, it's actually quite bad. I guess cooking is something I can work on." Rion smiled and nodded along with Jocelyn agreeing with her assesment.

 

"I would give anything to take back my actions." Rion's smiled faltered and melted off of his face as he looked into Jocelyn's eyes. She sounded sincere, she meant her words, she must. Naive as always. Rion kept his face still and acted as if nothing had happened as his inner war raged.

 

"I'm sorry, I'll make something better next time." Rion only nodded a few times and handed his plate to Jocelyn when she came near. The pieces of his heart pulled at him as he stood and began to slowly edge out of the room. but they were still pieces, unable to stand against the Voice and the agreement of his mind. He moved out the door to the outside of Dashiva's house when Jocelyn's back was turned, the only sign of his passing was the noise of the door shutting. He couldn't take being around Jocelyn right now, it was to hard, to painful.

 

 

Rion

Jocelyn's heart sank when she turned to see Rion had gone. Not surprising, and she didn't really know what to say to him, but she would still rather he was with her than away from her. With a sigh she cleaned up, washing the dishes methodically, mind churning over ideas on just how to prove herself to Rion. Light, she had broken his trust so surely, how would she ever fix it?

 

She sighed, putting away the last dish before grabbing her book, wandering back to the sitting room. Maybe she couldn't fix it, but she could at least show him how much she loved him.

 

Curling her feet under her in her favourite chair, book unopened as an idea began to form in her mind. It was something she'd wanted to do anyway, but now perhaps she could use the timing to her own advantage, and add a little something of her own...the more she thought on it, the more she liked the idea, whether it won Rion over or not. His name day was approaching soon, she knew, perhaps she could have it ready for then. She would need help though.

 

She tapped her chin. She wasn't going to leave the house today, but she couldn't plan her surprise on her own, not trapped as she was. Not that she intended to leave. Either way, she needed help. Rising out of her chair, she set her book aside and set about putting her plan into action.