To say that her heart soared could not begin to describe even one tenth the elation that Thera felt in that moment, hearing his words. She had played the damsel in distress many times in her life, but never before had she been rescued. She had always been made to find her own way, to be her own knight in shining armor….

She felt like laughing. Her whole life she had wanted to believe that she could be a warrior and a woman in love and now she was resting her hopes and dreams on the shoulders of a child. Any fool could see that it was a recipe for heart break and disaster, but a weight had been lifted; however temporary.

 

Wanting the moment to last a lifetime Thera allowed herself a few more moments of reckless abandon. She reached out and tangled her hands in Jasine’s hair, pulling his head close as she closed her eyes and kissed him with every ounce of passion buried with in her. Young love was often fleeting and if this kiss was their last she wanted to make a memory that would last a lifetime. Her nails dug into his back until he must have felt it even through his coat and Thera knew if she did not put an end to this now….

 

Letting her hands fall to her sides Thera leaned back, breathless and a little dazed. In the silence that followed their interlude Thera heard the quite chimes of the cloak over her mantle toll the hour. “Blood and Bloody Ashes!” she muttered. They had been closeted alone for hours, new trainee interviews never took this long. All the fears that she harbored about their “relationship” bubbled to the surface and she was suddenly filled with panic just barely controlled. “We have to get out of here Jasine, it has been too long” Glancing into the mirror across from her desk Thera cried out in alarm. She looked just as she feared. As if she had been crying and then took a roll in the hay. Wiping away the last of her tears Thera tried a stern expression and was not surprised to find that it only made her look sulky, not angry.

 

With a last glance for Jasine she rushed to the wash basin in the corner and filled it with water. The water had not been changed in some time, so it was more than a little cool when she stuck her face in. After a few moments she flung her head back in a spray and water, the curls around her face dripping.

 

In a rush Thera tried to give Jasine all the information he should have been receiving, instead of kissing her. “Training begins in the yards before sun up and ends well after dark. Follow my rules and you will do just fine. You’ll need a tour of the yards and then you will run your 100 laps, and…find a place in the barracks to sleep.” Staring in the mirror straightening her coat and running her fingers through her hair, Thera spoke almost absently. When she was satisfied that she could not look any better she turned around to see Jasine just standing there, smiling. For a moment she paused just staring at his beautiful face, but when tears of joy threatened her eyes she gave herself a shake.

 

“Snap out of my lo…Jasine. Straighten yourself up I have to give you a tour of the yards. And please try to look properly chastised. No one ever leaves my office with a smile.” Her tone was pleading and unsure. Not at all the confident bitter tone that expected instant obedience that she usually carried.

 

Jasine had to force his arms to relax around her waist as the kiss ended, his eyes opening to gaze at her in amazement and desire.  He wondered if she had drawn blood with her nails and couldn't bring himself to do anything more than hope that if she did, it would scar and leave a permanent reminder of this moment.  He felt flushed and giddy and wanted to laugh and dance and most of all, he didn't want to let her go.  When the clock chimed and she swore it took all his will power to relax his hold on her and let her slip out of his grip.

 

He smiled tenderly as she tried to look fierce at the mirror and couldn't take his eyes from her as she moved about, fixing her hair and rubbing her face.  She looked so feminine right now, so girly as she straightened herself and tried to recover her decorum.  His own gaze flicked to the mirror and he was glad that Thera didn't fuss about with makeup, he didn't have to do much to make himself decent.  He looked back to her as she dipped her face into the basin, marveling at the way each of her curls seemed to be alive with color and energy, springing about her face with energy and activity.  As the water dripped from her hair and she washed her face he wondered if anyone had ever been so beautiful.

 

Sun up to dark.  Follow rules.  Tour of the yards.  100 laps.  Barracks, sleep.  He gazed at her, the tender smile unwavering until she brought his attention to it.  He felt a little drunk, more than just the wine could account for, but he did his best to smooth his shirt and coat, adjusting the sword at his hip and running fingers through his hair to make it more or less lie properly.  He was a boy, he never really thought about whether or not his hair looked alright, but he did now.  He was sure she had been about to call him her love and this thought made him smile again.  With a gently murmured oath at how this woman made him feel he stepped away from the desk, turned her back to him, and slapped his own cheek soundly. 

 

Jase wasn't a heavily built man, but he's put as much as he could into the slap, leaving a stark red mark across one cheek and briefly spawning flickery lights across his vision.  The pain sobered him considerably and gave him something to focus on other than the way Thera's pants fir so snugly across her hips and the way her hair cascaded around her beautiful face like a -- pain, right.  He took a deep breath and composed himself to play every part of the boy who had tried to flirt with the wrong woman and been shot down.  It wasn't too hard to play the part, all he had to do was think about how it would feel if Thera hadn't accepted him.

 

He bowed to her and nodded towards the door, murmuring into her ear as she passed close to him. "One hundred laps?  At every pass, I will look to your window and see you sitting at your desk and you will know that I am running for you, and each time I look in the window you will know that I am thinking of you and that... kiss." He said the last word almost reverently, hoping that the flush that stained his cheeks would be attributed to mortification by anyone who saw them in the yards.

 

Thera watched in horror as Jasine’s hand came up to strike his cheek. Her feet twitched with the desire to go to him, but holding firm she only watched; watched and tried to control her own emotions.

 

Her heart still beat in her ears as she reached for the door handle, but she thought her face was steady. From behind her she felt Jasine’s hot breath on her neck as he leaned in. Every muscle in her legs turned to jelly and she sagged visibly listening to his sweet words. Peaking from the corner of her eye Thera could see the gentle curve of his lips and the way one hair kept falling down into his gorgeous eyes. This close she could still smell the sweet wine on his lips, and her curls swung as she turned reaching for a kiss. When her caramel eyes met his brown, there was nothing for it but to smile. “I feel as if I am floating when I am in your arms; I only hope that I have enough room in my head for you and doing my duty.”

 

Tenderly she lay her hand on his cheek, tracing her fingers along the hand print that did nothing to mare his beautiful face. With another smile to take any sting out of her words she ordered him out into the yards to complete his laps.

 

As the latch fell into place with a metallic chuck Thera’s knees did give out and she sagged against the rough wooden door. “Light what have I done” she muttered as  her head dropped into her hands. Several minutes passed before the Mistress of Trainee’s could push herself up from the floor and stumble to her desk. Even seated in her chair all she could do was stare out past the yards, clear to the gleaming walls of the Tower itself, and somehow Thera knew that Serena was sitting at her window staring straight towards her as well.

 

 

Jasine had arrived to the Tower yards early in the morning, when the heat of the day was only beginning to touch the world and he sun hadn't yet shone with its full force.  By the time he stepped out of the Mistress of Trainees' Office and stood blinking in the sudden brightness, it was past noon by just a pace and he would be doing his run in the hottest part of the day.  He could have begged off on the technicality that Thera had not told him to go do his run immediately but he wanted to get this started while he had the soaring flame of his emotions to drive him on.  He dropped his father's sword and his coat on the ground near her office, and moved off into the yards.

 

Jasine knew his limits and he knew he didn't have the stamina to run full tilt around the yards that many times, so when he found the well-beaten track that was obviously where he was to be doing his laps he started running in a steady and ground-eating jog.  His first time around the yards, still fully un-winded and feeling his muscles warming up nicely even as the sweat poured freely, he marked the places where the track was under shade and he could make up for the rest of the run by slowing further to give his body a time to cool off.  He also took note of the water trough behind one of the stables where he could dunk his head and the water pump beside it where he could get a drink if he needed it.  From his work training horses he had a good idea how much a body could be pushed and how much water would cross the line from refreshing into likely to make him sick to his stomach. 

 

Part of him was full of the youthful and headstrong pride of a teenage boy and he wanted to race around the yards and show his worth to Thera by doing it the fastest.  But he knew, just as he knew he couldn't gallop a horse all day long and expect the animal to be worth a damn the next day, that it would only end in him being unable to finish the laps because he'd burned out his energy. So he kept his head and he jogged, and he made good on his word.  With every loop around the yards, he looked up to Thera's window and thought of her.  He couldn't see her in the shadowed office with his eyes adapted to the bright sunlight, but he knew she was there, and he knew she could see him.

 

By lap 20 he was tired.  Not too tired to continue, but the usual joy he had taken in running had been replaced by a grimmer determination not to give in to his body's complaints.  He found himself locking his eyes on the Mistress of Trainees' office earlier and earlier in his laps.  At lap 40 he raised a hand to wave to Arath Talavin as he say the boy practicing his agility, but he didn't call out a hail as he might have done ten laps earlier.  He was sparse with his pauses for drinks, and never let himself take more than a mouthful to wash away the dust. 

 

At lap 57 he developed a stitch in his side and for the first time he worried that he wouldn't be able to finish the laps.  His pace slowed further, took on the steady motion of someone who is moving by rote, conserving energy and focusing on his breathing.  He never once forgot to look up to Thera's window and it always brought a smile to his lips, even if by lap 73 it was only a ghost of a smile.  The cream-colored linen shirt he had donned that morning was wet through with sweat and the sun had started its arc back down towards the horizon, which brought a little relief from the blinding brightness and considerable relief in the form of lengthening shade for a full half of the course now.  The shirt sticking to him was annoying him and hampering his movement so the next time he stopped to get a drink he peeled off the garment and left it sitting in an expanding puddle beside the trough.

 

He caught a second wind somewhere between the additional shade and losing his shirt.  He even got a little thrill from the fact that he knew Thera was in there and would see him without his shirt on.  Jasine was built willowy, his chest and shoulders weren't broad like a well-built man, but what he had was clearly defined and due to his largely outdoor life, well tanned.  The breeze he made by running cooled his sweat-slicked skin and he was able to coast fairly easily through to about lap 93.  Abruptly and all at once, just as he was starting to feel like he'd be able to finish his laps without embarrassing himself, his muscles turned to water and his energy felt utterly and completed depleted.  He didn't stop running, but he did stop smiling when he ran past Thera's window.  He still looked up, and still held his gaze there for as long as he had an easy view of the window, but it was all he could do to keep sucking in his breath and keep his legs moving.  He had so little left, he just had to keep going for a few more laps.

 

He didn't even remember the laps between 94 and 100 as a blue of pain, exertion, and the hoarse touch of hastily gulped breath down his throat.  On his last lap he managed to flicker a grim smile as he passed Thera's window and as soon as he crossed the place where he began his laps he stumbled off the track and collapsed face-first into the grass.  An insistent voice in his head, it took him several repetitions to realize it was his dad's voice, was telling him to get up and walk the horse to cool him down.  With a whimper, Jasine wanted to object, but he knew that was no way to treat a horse, and it was no way to treat his body either.  It has served him well, it only deserved to be served well in return.  Groaning loudly, he toddled to his feet and stepped back onto the track that he now loathed with every fiber of his being. 

 

He walked all the way around the track twice, dragging his feet and his head hanging down limply.  He didn't look up to Thera this time, he hoped she wouldn't be watching him torture his body this way.  Once he had felt his muscles firm up from water to jelly and his breathing coming easy enough that he could voice a response, "Light, I hope not," when Arath asked him if he was going to survive, he stopped at the trough and drank more deeply than he had allowed himself to during the run.  He still stopped himself before he felt his thirst slaked, he could still cramp up from having too much water in his stomach, but it would have to do.  He hooked up his damp and now muddy shirt with one finger and made his way back to Thera's office, leaning heavily against the door jam as he knocked weakly and then waited with his eyes closed.

 

Each minute passed with excruciating slowness and Thera found herself tapping her fingers in time with the clock. Unable to stay seated she began to pace the short distance between her desk and the window. 10 paces there..10 paces back; with each pass she stopped to stare out into the yards her eyes locking on Jasine each time he was spotted. The smile she often spotted on his face gave her hope that she had not linked herself with disaster.

 

Right as the sun reached its height a timid knock sounded on her door and Thera almost jumped out of her skin.  “Get it together” she muttered as she placed herself behind her desk. The petite raven haired novice that entered couldn’t have been more than 15, but that was no excuse for the squeaks she omitted at seeing all the weapons lining the wall, and another when Thera cleared her throat to regain her attention. With her nerves already frayed she was very glad to see the back of the young woman. Turning the parchment over in her hands she examined she seal, seeing it was only a small lump of wax she broke it and began to read. The flowing hand that filled the page was the last she’d expected to see.

 

I have heard that time has the ability to heal all wounds, and you have shown me that it holds to be true. Perhaps the time has come to begin thinking on the future and what it will hold.

 

Serena

 

Three years without contact and now this? A few cryptic sentences delivered by a novice. Crumbling the letter Thera tossed it into the basket by her desk. This morning, which now seemed hours gone, she had made a promise to herself to let nothing spoil this day and the events since had only made her more determined to carry on.  Closing her eyes Thera allowed the void to settle around her and she fed all her fears and anger into that tiny flame; feeling the warmth as it began to grow. By the time Jasine arrived back at her door Thera was in better control of her moods than she had been in some time.

 

Seeing Jasine saunter through the door shirtless, with a light coat of sweat still glistening on his skin did bring a sultry smile to her face, but it was nothing compared to the fire that now roared within the void. “I trust that you finished your laps?” she teased, her voice conveying very little of the emotion she felt.

“Take a seat” She motioned to the chair’s by the unlit fireplace; convinced that this time she would have a better grasp on herself. Walking to the table she kept one eye on Jasine as he stretched his muscles and took his seat. If it was possible for someone to gain beauty in only a few hours Thera was convinced that he had done so. Instead of just passing him the goblet and taking the seat across from him Thera set his glass on the table, just out of reach, and walked over to lean against the mantle. “Did you see enough of the yards during your run? Or would you still like the tour?” Casual and yet professional Thera thought, proud of her new found calm.

 

He nodded to her question about the laps, his breath only just now coming steady and even, and added in a voice breathy with exhaustion, "I even did two more laps walking, so I wouldn't cramp up my muscles as soon as I went still.  I think forcing myself into those last two laps may have been the physically hardest thing I've ever done."  He didn't voice the addendum that his heart wanted to add, Next to leaving your office to make the run.  Maybe she'd have been flattered and graced him with a smile, but to his own mind it just sounded cheesy and juvenile. 

 

Jasine would have been flabbergasted if he knew of Thera's thoughts.  He felt about the least attractive he ever had in his life and it was an act of pure will to force himself to sit up in his chair to reach the goblet.  He looked over the rim of his cup up to her as she asked the second questions and paused without taking a swallow.  He held the position for a long moment and then set the glass down back where it was, his lips wet with wine but not having taken any.  He rose, exhaustion overrode for the moment, and moved towards her, his eyebrows knit down and together in concern.  He searched her eyes before he said anything, his previous self confidence about her feeling for him shattered by her tone of voice.

 

"Are we... Are you okay, Mistress?" He adopted the formal title with a painful wrench of his heart and couldn't maintain eye contact, his gave falling on her arm against the mantle as he said softly, "You sound so distant.  So... different from how you spoke to me before." He swallowed with an audible click, wishing desperately that he'd taken a drink after all.  "Have I upset you somehow?"

 

His heart thundered in his chest, as hard as it ever had while he was running, and his skin went cold as he forced himself to focus his scared, worried eyes on hers again.  She didn't look like she could possibly be upset about the slow pace of his run, and she didn't really look upset at all.  She just looked so.... distant from him.

 

The sweet smell of sweat touched with the sharp aroma of the wine made Thera’s pulse quicken; and she shifted trying not to appear too eager. She held her hands hard to her wine goblet so as not to reach out and stroke his concerned face. It was so hard to find the balance she needed. Thera was beginning to feel very much like a tight rope walker turning summersaults without a net. Over step just a hair left or right and she would plummet.

 

I am not upset with you, I am…” How could she explain to him something that he could not possibly understand? How could she look him in the eye and tell him that in order to keep from pulling him into her bed she had to stay wrapped in the emotionless void? The edges of the void trembled, threatening to collapse, as she once again fed her fears to flames. Slipping away from Jasine she walked to the window and drew the curtains tight causing the room to fall into twilight and shadows to consume the corners. Thera paused to light another lantern pushing some of the shadows back a hair. With the heavy chunck of the metal lock snapping home on the door the room felt smaller. Locked and cloaked in partial darkness the tightness of the walls made her feel safe. Almost safe enough to be vulnerable…once again the void quivered, but with a firm hand Thera locked it in place.

 

“ You must understand that their will be times when I cannot show you the tenderness that you desire, but never fear that my feelings are any less” Crossing the room to stand at his side she gathered his hand in both of hers and pressed it to her chest. “Do you feel my heart? The quickness of my pulse?” She looked into his eyes hoping they would convey the emotions she was shielding herself from. “You are the cause…you and your sweet words and your beautiful face.” She clutched his hand tight to her chest, hoping that he would understand. It was too soon for her to topple all the walls that she’d hid behind for years. “ Even when I can not tell you, or show you what I feel I want you to remember what just the sight of you does to me”

 

Jasine wished he could tell what she was thinking, what she was feeling.  "I am not upset with you, I am…”  When she moved away from him, he thought his heart would break.  It wasn't anything like when Mara died, that hurt so deeply and for so long, but he hadn't been rejected by her.  It hadn't been her choice to leave him.  He thought for sure Thera was making that choice now and when she turned her back on him to move towards the window, he stared hard at the cold, dark fireplace and tried to quiet the crashing of his heartbeat.  He was aware of the room growing darker when he drew the curtains, but it was the snick of the lock falling home that made him look up at her again.  He certainly hadn't been expecting that.  He welcomed the darkness as it came, hoping it would hide his emotions as she was hiding them from him now.

“You must understand that their will be times when I cannot show you the tenderness that you desire, but never fear that my feelings are any less.”  His gaze locked to her as she spoke, struck dumb with confusion, and then his eyes flew open wide when she took his hand.  His mouth fell open as he gasped when his fingers were pressed against her, and it was hard to hear her words, much less her heartbeat, over the sudden rushing pulse that filled his ears.  “Do you feel my heart? The quickness of my pulse?”  He concentrated, on her and on the steady staccato of her heartbeat beneath his fingers and he nearly lost what composure he had left as she spoke.

 

“You are the cause…you and your sweet words and your beautiful face.  Even when I can not tell you, or show you what I feel I want you to remember what just the sight of you does to me.”

 

He closed his eyes tight and drew his other arm around her waist, pulling her close to his chest and clenching his jaw hard as he worked on getting past the urge to bawl like a child when she said she still loved him.  He cleared is throat roughly and then leaned in and pressed his face against the side of her neck, drinking in the scent of her and whispering with his lips brushing against her pulse. "I will have to learn to trust in your feelings for me, then.  And remember moments like this when I am made to suffer through moments like the one when I returned to your office." Adrenaline still burned through his veins and for the moment his weariness and protesting muscles were silenced.  He was given the luxury of holding her in his arms for a long moment, memorizing every detail, and tasting her against his lips.

 

He gathered his willpower and relaxed his hold on her, straightening up and taking a step back, hating the movement with all of his being but accepting the necessity of it.  As he looked into her eyes and started to drown in the shimmering caramel of them, he cleared his throat again and his hand flexed, caressing her chest lightly, before he drew it back too.  He thought he could have pushed it, asked her for more than she clearly wanted to give right now physically, and Light knew he wanted to.  He's never wanted anything so much in his life.  But if he talked her into giving something she wasn't ready to yet, even if she didn't feel coerced, he wouldn't forgive himself.  He's never been a brute, never been the type of guy who was pushy with ladies aside from flirting.  And flirting had never landed him in water boiling like this, or emotions that wanted to run unchecked and free.

 

"I love you, Thera.  And even when you cannot show the same for me, I will know that you love me.  Just... oh, Light.  I was so sure you'd changed your mind while I was out there running." Tears stood in his eyes but he refused to blink and allow them to spill over.  The scare she had given him... no, he shook his head and smiled at her.  He was going to focus on the fact that her feelings for him were still there, and try and quiet his galloping heart. "I don't think I could manage the distance towards you that you can towards me.  Hopefully if anyone notices my attention towards you they will think it an unrequited crush on the insanely attractive Mistress of Trainees and nothing more." He managed a smile for her this time, and under the guise of sweeping his hair off his temple brushed away the tears standing in his eyes.

She was sure there had never been a worse feeling in the world, than to be released from his arms. Losing the final touch of his hand was torture; salt sprinkled on an already gaping wound. Wrapped tight in the void it was someone else pain, someone else anguish but Thera knew that the distance would not last forever.

 

The detachment allowed her to study Jasine while he spoke. She studied the way his lips formed his words and the passion that lit up his eyes. Few men felt comfortable crying for anyone could see, but he stood strong while tears threatened to fall from his eyes. It was a tribute to his courage as well as to his love.

 

The day had been taxing and the outcome was surely a map to disaster. A woman of her station should know better, but even wrapped in the logic of the void Thera could not give one reason why she shouldn’t have at least a chance at love.

 

The first shadows of night were falling over the Tower walls, casting the yards in darkness and causing the shadows of the office to lengthen. With a single lantern lit, reflecting the flame from its mirror and out into the room, a warm glow filled the space. All around them that flame glinted of the shining steel of maces, shields, and swords. Tools of death were mounted on every wall, reminding its inhabitants of the dangerous lives they led. It was hardly the place for a romantic encounter, but the void shook with the influx in emotions. The desire to hold the flame left, and with it the concentration necessary; it all collapsed with a resounding crash.

 

The wave of emotion flooded into Thera; love dominated, battled fiercely by lust and tinged through it all was guilt. The surge in awareness made Thera smile and she crossed the few paces to Jasine in a flash. Her hands gently stroked his cheeks and massaged the tired muscles in his back. It would have been easy to become lost in the moment, but she only held him close listening to the steady beat of his heart. She would not even allow a kiss fearful of where it would lead. With reluctance and a heavy heart she pulled away just far enough to look into his eyes. “You have to go Jasine.” He knew that fact as surely as she, but they were the only words that came to mind.

 

As she watched him prepare to leave her mind wandered to what could have been… The momentum of her sudden movement sent them both crashing into the wall, a spot thankfully clear of weapons. He may have never had a lover, but Jasine was a quick study. His strong hands slipped around her waist lifting her up into his arms as they kissed. The shirt he’d been carrying was forgotten on the floor and Thera’s silk coat was abandoned to the same fate. The trail of clothes led from her desk all the way to the open door of her rooms in the back…

 

The sound of the lock turning over in the door brought Thera back to reality. She ran her hands through her hair feeling mussed from the encounter that never happened. As she followed Jasine out into the night she did not mention her destination. She did not think he would understand why she had to keep her date.

 

Walking away from Thera was a lot more difficult than walking towards her originally had been.  He'd been making probably the most important decision of his life when he chose to pursue becoming a Warder, but in comparison to leaving that vibrant, amazing woman, it had been easy.  As he crossed the room to her door he felt flushed and dizzy, and once he had the door unlocked and opened he took in a steadying breath and stepped out into the night, closing the door after him.

 

The sky was still purple in the west and the stars had only just started to show in the east.  He should probably go straight to the barracks and go to sleep, Light knew he was tired enough to fall asleep standing up on his feet right here and now, but he had to make sure Brownie and Rao were taken care of.  He assumed there must be stable hands who tended to the horses, regardless of who owned them, but he had to be sure.  The walk to the stables helped him clear his head some too, although he could still smell her with every thought.  He was a little in awe and a little terrified by how hard and how quickly he had fallen for Thera.  Maybe it was just the wine and being tired that was making him so dizzy and light-headed, but he thought it was much more likely that the cause was how she made him feel.

 

The stable was quiet and dark, filled with the familiar scents of home and the gentle warmth of horses.  Rao and Brownie had obviously been tended to, both had fresh, clean water and clean stalls.  Rao was curled up in the straw sleeping like a foal, and Brownie stood lazily with his head down and ears relaxed, dozing in place.  One of the other horses in the stable whickered softly as he walked past and he put his hand out and caressed the animal's muzzle without a second thought.  This final concern assuaged, he made his way to the trainee barracks and found an empty room to collapse into. 

 

He expected to fall deeply asleep right away.  He expected to close his eyes and be whisked away to dreamland as easily as he always had been. Jasine was not usually one to stay up late at night troubled by thoughts, but he was tonight.  He was still astounded that Thera had any feelings at all for him, much less that they could possibly be so strong that she would break rules and risk her position for it.  For him.  As the purple drained from the sky and the moon rose to frost the tree he could see through his window with silver, he finally was able to slip into sleep.  And she met him there, too.