Facing the small stand mirror in her room Thera frowned back at her reflection; her eyes hiding the shame that she felt to the core. For ten years Serena had been a part of her life, she had been another living person in side her head. She’d been a friend, a confidant and a lover, and now Thera had to face and present the most devastating news of her life. It had been almost 5 years since she and Serena had parted ways, all while living inside the same walls; and over a year since Thera had seen her beautiful face. At night when she closed her eyes the tiny pixie of an Aes Sedai often found her way in. Memories of Aridhol when Serena had almost died were prominent, followed closely by memories of the night they bonded and the joy they had shared. Back in those years Thera had given all of herself to Serena, she had used to kid that they were bonded body, mind, and soul. While a piece of her heart still rode tied to the beautiful woman, and in a moments breath she would sacrifice her life, Thera had moved on. In one day Jasine had taken her from a bitter drunk to a strong and capable woman, fit for the title Mistress of Trainees. Now, over two years later, with the day of their wedding drawing near Thera couldn’t help but think she had wronged Serena by not telling her about the part of her Gaidin’s life she was missing.

 

Late last night while she was still tangled in Jasine’s arms Thera asked him to accompany her to tell Serena about the big. It had not been an easy decision, but was prompted by the young Green Sister that had shown some interest in both her and Jasine. She had not decided that she was going to ask Serena to break their bond; but she could see the advantages to her and Jasine being bonded to the same Aes Sedai. That issue was for another day, first she had to get through the conversation they were going to have.

 

Buttoning the last button on her coat Thera sat back down on the bed and began tugging on her freshly polished boots. It has taken some care to hide her nerves at the preparation for this evening.  Since Jasine had been raised they had been living together in a small house just behind her offices in the yards. It was far from romantic with the stove being less than five feet from the bed, but it was theirs, and it was home. Just as Thera finished tying the last laces of her boots Jasine walked in the door his faced wreathed in a smile.

 

It was so hard to project her anger when she looked at his face, but in her current mood she managed. “Do you have to smile so much? You know today isn’t easy for me!” As with all things, Jasine took her swinging moods with a smile. If she ever told him about their other little issue he would probably take that with the same stride.

 

“We have to leave soon, and please remember what I said. Her temper is furious and one wrong word can send her flying.” With a tight smile she pulled herself to her feet and buckled her sword. If only this fight could be won with a sword.

 

He'd been out in the yards teaching some of the new trainees some of the basics of swordplay and as he headed for the house he thought about the meeting to come.  He'd been curious about Thera's Aes Sedai from the very start, and when he had learned that they were once lovers the curiosity had climbed ever higher.  He knew that she deserved to be old about their wedding, and that it would be better to be told directly rather than to hear it as gossip from someone else - if she hadn't already - but that didn't make this meeting any less stressful.  He knew Thera would be on edge about it, so as he stepped through the door he did what he could to ease her mind.

 

He smiled.  Smiling had always been easy for him, but it had never been so heartfelt and natural as when he was looking at his beloved.  Her every line and curve made him happy, the shape of her face was perfect, her hair felt spun silk in his fingers, and she was his.  By some amazing stroke of luck or the blessing of the Creator himself, he had managed to win and keep the heart of the most enchanting, delightful, exciting, and wonderful woman in all the lands.

 

Jasine pressed a kiss to Thera's cheek and then wrapped his arms around her and swung her around once, bumping her feet against the end of the bed.  "All will be well, my love.  I shall be the proper gentleman and try to keep my smiles to myself." He set her on her feet again and cupped her cheek in one hand. "It will be nice to meet the woman who once held your heart and still holds your bond.  Maybe this meeting will go a long way towards repairing the rent between you two." Or it could make it much, much worse.  He didn't voice that last thought, it would do no good to stir up her already fragile confidence.  She was a bundle of nerves and he could feel it, almost like the charged air just before a lightning strike, coming off of her in waves.

 

He pulled on the cloak he had bought to replace the one lost in Amador and fastened it with the heart pin she had given him.  He fingered it idly as he checked himself briefly in the mirror and then he was ready to go.  He held his arm out for her once they were outside and spoke in low, soft tones. "Right, temper.  I think I've gained a little insight in the past few years of how to step gently around a woman with a quick temper.  I never thought I could be fond of a scowling expression, but there you go."

 

As they headed towards where Serena Sedai would be meeting them his steps were light and not for the first time, he wished he were the one who was bonded to Thera, to know her inside and out.

Her hands fidgeted with the buckle as if she was unsure of its use. The thick tooled leather fit snugly over her hips and Thera sighed trying to adjust it to right. Even the simplest things seemed to not want to go her way.

 

With all the anger and frustration she felt flowing from herself to Serena and back Thera still managed a smile as Jasine took her into his arms. She had found that to be the biggest miracle of love. Even when you had to face a task that threatened knock you down, at the end of the day there would always be someone there to pick you up. She had been repeating that fact since before the rose that morning. 

 

No matter what! no one can take away your love

 

But Serena held a power over her even greater than the bond. She had seen Thera grow into the warrior she’d become and nurtured the passing; Serena had been her first great love and the only person she had ever trusted with her life….until now. There was a power in that kind of love that chilled Thera to the bone. She knew in her heart that she loved Jasine, but after not seeing Serena for almost a year she could no longer say what passion was left there. "It will be nice to meet the woman who once held your heart and still holds your bond.  Maybe this meeting will go a long way towards repairing the rent between you two."

 

How could she tell him that a part of her heart still rode with Serena and that the only chance of reconciliation would mean the total destruction of them? Thera smiled weakly and busied herself with adjusting her coat. She could think of no excuse to keep him from coming with her, and yet every reason to leave him behind. The fact that he would be seeing her other half, the other part that made her whole scared her to death. She shivered as she linked her arm through his and took the first step towards the future.

 

They had agreed to meet in the Blue Ajah Gardens, a place seldom used and not too private. The implications of that had made Thera’s face as red as the sunset, as it was her that had named the place. As they drew nearer Serena came alive in her head; a bundle of emotions and sensations that she had not truly felt in years. Thera found herself exploring them again as she had when they were first bonded. Like a child fascinated with a toy or a shiny object. If she could have seen her face she would have known it was painted with wonder.

 

As they crossed through the last gate and into the gardens Thera stopped, her eyes pinned to the beauty she had not seen in so long. Her hand fell away from Jasine’s and she took a step forward. Cool eyes observed, complete devoid of the elation that flowed to her. Crossing the garden in a few steps Thera scooped Serena into her arms and pulled her to her chest; being this close she had been unable to resist. Closing her eyes she breathed in the scent of her, the familiar memories flooding back. It was only a moment that they embraced, but when Thera pulled away she saw the amusement in Serena’s eyes and the hurt in Jasine’s. Oh light this had been a bad idea

 

Rushing back to where he’d been abandoned Thera grabbed Jasine’s arm and pulled him forward to introduce his two great loves. “Serena, this is Jasine….” That had been the easy part. Struggling for the words she looked between the pair “He is a Tower Guard…” Now faced with Serena’s cool eyes Thera wasn’t sure what to say. She felt like child trapped in a woman’s body, and no way out.

 

He stood where she had left him, watching with a mixture of emotions.  Here was his betrothed's Aes Sedai, standing there in the flesh, tiny though it may be, real and undeniable.  She was not just a faceless name that Thera spoke of sparingly and always in the past tense.  She was standing there, with Thera wrapped around her like lovers that are and not lovers that were, and Jasine felt the first sharp stab of what Thera must have gone through every time she saw him smile at a girl, or laugh with one, or by the Light, when she'd seen Kabria leaned against him, wet and cold.  He took one more half-step forward and then stood still, unable to paint his usual cheery smile over the shock and surprise and hurt that he suddenly felt.

 

He cleared his throat softly and schooled his features as Thera looked back to him and when she took his arm he came willingly, if nearly absently.  The deadly grace of a warder that he had been schooling so hard to replicate abandoned him wholly for a few steps but he regained himself. She chose me, she wears my ring.  He had no choice left but to trust Thera, she already held his heart and he could do nothing at this point to steel himself against any hurt that may come.  When they halted just before the woman Jasine formed a bow, crisp and precise, almost without thought.  His lips formed the words that he knew must be spoken. "We are well met, Serena Aes Sedai.  I thank you for this opportunity to meet you." 

 

As he rose from the bow he broke his gaze away from the woman's gaze and to Thera's.  She was still nervous, more so than ever if he had learned anything at all of reading her in the time they had been together.  He fought the urge to step closer to Thera and lay a hand on the small of her back.  He would mean the gesture as comforting, but he could see all too well how it could be perceived as possessive.  He could not afford to make an enemy of this woman, if that was at all even possible at this point.  She could do even more damage to his tenuous relationship with Thera than even Kynwric could have when he caught them red-handed playing at lovers when he was still a trainee.

 

His mind was aswirl with emotions and thoughts, each more troubled or frantic than the last, and he formed the void and fed its flame steadily as he turned his gaze back to Serena Sedai and waited for one of the ladies to take the initiative.  He had hoped to get through this meeting without adopting the distance and impersonal nature of the Void, and the fact that he was relying on this crutch so early did not speak well for the accepting calm he had hoped today would pass through.  Now that he was faced the with undeniable doll-like beauty of Thera's bondmate and former bedmate, and not a relationship Thera broke off by choice he could see what had his fiancee so on edge today.

No evidence of the former joy remained in Serena’s eyes; unless it was the absence of. A light crimson stained her pale cheeks, but that was all to say that she was looking at anything more than a set of tools she intended to use. Thera had been so busy worrying over how Serena would handle this day; she had not even considered Jasine. She had been sadly disabused in thinking that today would be hard only for her. 

 

As a young woman Thera had never thought on love, only to read about it in books. Even when the story swept her away she could never imagine a life like that for herself. Now the Light had blessed her with not one, but two great loves, and oh how her heart ached for it.  She felt trapped and she did not know how to maneuver without hurting one or the other. Nervously she stole a glance at both of them and realized she would give her own life a thousands times to keep either from harm.

 

It was with trepidation that Thera backed away from them both and took a seat on the edge of the fountain. Through the bond Serena could feel the torment in her heart and through his love she very much feared that Jasine felt the same. It wasn’t fair!Two halves of her life were standing before her, and facing them she didn’t know which she’d choose.

 

Looking like a beautiful porcelain doll Serena glided a few steps away to sit on the bench facing Thera, their knees almost touching. Almost in step with her Jasine sat to Thera’s right, leaving little space between them. The vice tightened and Thera let out a sigh. “I have missed you Serena, more than…” She had wanted to say more than you know, but the bond was an open book. “These last years without you were torture, and in my pain I turned to a bottle for comfort.” She had been speaking to her hands, but with the memory of her alcoholism so fresh anger made her lift her eyes. “Did you come to me when I was sick? Did you even care that I was dying? Or were so determined to distance yourself from me completely that you didn’t reach out?” That was unfair, many times Thera had blocked Serena away to keep the pain from being to real.

 

Blindly she reached out for Jasine’s hand and found it in hers before she even moved. Even without the bond she was an open book to Jasine. “Thera…” Serena’s slim hand rested on Thera’s knee and an intensity burned behind her blue eyes that made Thera’s heart flutter and her pulse quicken. She felt Jasine shift next to her, but was unable to pull her eyes away from the beauty in front of her. “ Had I known, this interlude would not have continued on so long. You and I were foolish, letting our love and our passion blind us to what was truly important.”

 

Oh how easy it would be to wrap her up in my arms Shaking Thera placed Serena’s hand back on her own knee and held up her hand to forestall anymore words. “ You are right, I was foolish to let you anger me and for letting than anger drive me away. You can never know how much I wish that hadn’t happened. If not perhaps now it would be you and I preparing to wed, but…” She pulled Jasine’s hands to her lap, laying her hands on top of his; the beautiful silver glinting in the sun. “But we are not…I have met someone, Jasine. He is the light of my world, and he saved me from the destruction I had become.  We are going to wed in a few weeks, as soon as time allows.”

 

Dead silence was the response from her lips and from the bond. “We had been thinking of something outdoors..right Jasine? In..in a garden? With…” She babbled to cover the silence in her head and she looked at Jasine for help to keep from seeing the augers in Serena’s eyes.

 

He'd seen precious little of the Thera that was drowning in a bottle when he met her.  That first day they got drunk on wine, it was unlikely either of them would have ever put to words what they felt without the emotional lubricant of alcohol.  He was grateful for her, but he could not quite make himself grateful for the circumstances that let their love blossom.  As he heard Thera speak to her Aes Sedai, someone who should know her better than anyone, of the damage and pain that was caused and what resulted from it, he was thankful the void was already in place.  His face felt like stone, unemotional and unreacting, even as his hand tightened on hers and he longed to take her into his arms and let her know it would all be okay. 

 

His breath caught in his throat as he head Thera mention the possibility of wedding the woman and his gaze flicked from staring at the air between the two women to focusing solely on Serena.  Did Thera wish that Serena was her love instead of him?  He'd never known a woman other than Thera, not in that sense, but he could certainly see the appeal.  Women were soft and had curves and scents that were just right.  Thera certainly had passion for him, and he didn't doubt that she loved him, but he did wonder if she loved him more.  Even the void couldn't prevent the soft smile as she spoke of what he meant to her.

 

"She's going to have flowers in her hair." He spoke softly, with all the tenderness he would normally show only in private with her, and with his free hand he gently caught and pulled one of her fiery ringlets.  The silky hair curled around his fingers and then he let it slide through them. "Even without flowers she will be more beautiful than all the blossoms in Tar Valon." He shifted his gaze to Serena, releasing the void now that he had better formed his thoughts and emotions.  After a moment he looked back to Thera again and spoke warmly.  "I've always been fond of the Ogier Grove, but I think something a little more open, with flowers growing wild, would be better suited to her.  Some place open, and free."  He brushed the back of his fingers against her cheek and then looked back to Serena.

 

"Thera has spent a great deal of time and energy doing her best to protect you, Serena Aes Sedai.  I will do my best to protect her.  I would not let anything harm her, if it was within my power to prevent.  I love her with all that I am."  His words were soft, and without the sharpened edge of challenge that he felt and wanted so badly to be able to convey.  He could not risk angering this woman, she was too important to Thera.  And so as he spoke, it was only his genuine regard for the woman who would be his wife that colored his words, and not the quiet froth of anger at the woman who had caused her so much hurt.

It was a precarious and possibly gut-wrenching position that she had put him in, and somehow at only 19 he had managed to say all the right things. She rarely thought about their age difference, it was so inconsequential when compared with the passion of their love, but today Thera took notice and was awed. Somehow Jasine had managed more commonsense when it came to love than a woman of 30 or an Aes Sedai of almost 100. They say you could be blinded by love and she wondered if that was what had happened to her and Serena. They’d been so caught up in each other that they’d failed to see their world crumbling on their heads.

 

Thera was rudely pulled from her thoughts by a surge of anger in the bond and a sudden flair in the fountains’ water pressure. Jasine jumped at the noise, but Thera only stared at Serena. The woman always had held a touch for the dramatic.

 

“ It may be that you will marry Thera, and then again it may be that you won’t” Serena’s voice was a crystal clear pool of icy calm. “Perhaps the Warder bond has not been fully explained to you child. For now I am the one that holds her bond, which means I have ties closer to her than any lover and those ties command a certain amount of obedience.”

 

Of all the possibilities that had run through her mind, Serena’s vicious anger had never been one. Thera stood up and placed herself between Jasine and her Aes Sedai; protecting him from her gaze and her wrath. “It is I you need to be addressing Serena. Not Jasine, he had no part in what passed between us.” Knowing that her anger was coming from jealousy did little to cool Thera’s fire. Oh, she still loved Serena and would to her dying day, but she could no longer stand still and let someone else receive the words that should be hers. “I wronged you, and for that sin I will carry the scars of our love for the rest of my life, but I will not allow my pain to be passed to him. What he and I have is a love more pure and more deep than any connection you and I ever shared.” Pulling Jasine to his feet she linked hands with his. “I love you Serena, but I am no longer your lover”

 

The jealousy still flowed from Serena, but so did a hard edge that Thera could not identify. “ I fear you mistake me my Gaidin. I too love you, but I am no longer in love. As much pain as it causes me I can see now that the time for you and I has past. But, I am afraid that I am in need of you. I have to journey to Tear and it may be that I am gone for some years. What I face I cannot face alone, I need your sword and your eyes. I need your protection Thera Gaidin.”

 

Not looking back to make sure of her seat Thera landed hard against the stone basin. When she could finally speak her words were quiet and her voice was hoarse. “ But that would mean abandoning the Tower and my post as Mistress of Trainees.” Looking into the hard blue of Serena’s eyes Thera knew that this moment could only end it two ways, and either would mean heartbreak.

 

Jasine held his tongue as Serena spoke of obedience.  This was not going very well.  He cast his gaze sideways to Thera and watched her move between them.  He rose willingly as she bid, but he couldn't quite work through how he felt in all of this.  It was as if he was to compete with Serena Sedai for Thera, but that was a contest he didn't know if he could win.  Certainly not of his own strength, it depended entirely on Thera and who she chose.  What you will do when the choice comes, Aes Sedai or Wife? Kynwric's words echoed through his mind as he watched Thera faced with the choice that the man had insisted he answer before he was through with the penance the man had laid on him.

 

Aes Sedai or Wife?

 

He'd told himself at the time that he would choose Aes Sedai, that he would have to for the vows he swore to the as-yet fictitious woman.  As Serena explained her need of her Gaidin and Thera was faced with exactly the situation, complicated by her role as Mistress of Trainees and the companionship she had found in the yards, not to mention the recent abandonment of her Aes Sedai, Jasine blanched.  When Thera fell to the seat Jasine remained standing, his hand still linked with hers.  He stared down at her and realized something astonishing.  I would go with you to Tear if you went with her.  I would retire from the Guard, take a leave of absence, whatever was required to be with you.  Was he really so quick to cast off the oaths he had sworn such a short time ago?  It would be in the protection of an Aes Sedai and he could probably manage to not be dishonored over it, but he felt the first lick of shame touch his heart at the realization.

 

He released Thera's hand and turned on his heel, stepping away from the pair but only by a few feet.  He stared into the fountain and thought difficult thoughts about where his priorities lie and where they should lie.  If Thera chose to stay in the Yards, with him and with her trainees, Jasine decided he would have to find a Green sister who would take the bonds for them both, so they could serve the Tower and their Aes Sedai without having to conflict with their relationship.  Light, what Aes Sedai would want to bond a husband and wife?

 

And what if Thera went to Tear?

For 13 years, since her father had died, duty had ruled Thera’s life. Not to be replaced by her love for Serena only strengthened by it. Now there was Jasine, it was not duty that drew her to him, but undeniable, inexorable, heart pounding, head over heels love.

 

Inside she was screaming; her heart being ripped in two by her oaths of love and the bonds that held her. As she stared at the emptiness before her Thera’s knees started to shake. Her stomach soured and bile started to rise in her throat. Leaping from the bench she ran to the bushes and heaved up every meal she’d eaten that month. Only when her stomach was content that nothing had been spared was she able to stand. Pulling a small cloth from her belt pouch she dapped at her mouth and wiped the sweat from her face; nothing could be done for the taste in her mouth. Turning back to the two great loves of her life Thera stared. “How can you ask me to make this decision Serena?”

 

Her voice was a coarse whisper, barely heard over the gushing of the fountain. “Either answer I give will tear apart lives. How am I to live with that?” The shame that radiated through her was almost too much to bear; her muscles ached from the strain of not screaming.  “How am I to live with myself no matter what I decide?” The last had not been meant for anyone to hear, but herself, but Thera knew that she would be the victim in today's slauter.  Walking away from the mess she’d made Thera regained her seat on the edge of the fountain, but well away from the objects of her pain. Closing her eyes and resting her head in her hands Thera tried to concentrate. As she had done for so many painful years, Thera masked the bond. The absence of Serena seemed greater than ever after experiencing it so vibrant and so full, but no decision would ever be made with Serena in Thera’s head.

 

Which duty was greater? That to her sister? Or to the Tower? Could she have asked a question of the Amyrlin Seat the answer would be simple. Her life had belonged to Serena before the Tower had staked its claim and that was a duty greater than the one she now held. But it was not that easy and there was no one to ask. The two people she trusted most in the world would both see the situation in their own light and could not give fair advice. Why….why stay in the Tower? That answer was simple, it was the White Tower and the trainees that she helped to shape that had made her whole again. It was with them that she was able to find herself. It was their training to begin with that had set her life path. To the White Tower and to the students she owed her life.

 

Why Serena? That answer came just as easily. It was Serena that had trusted her with her life and her heart. It was her beautiful Aes Sedai that had made all her dreams come true. LIGHT! Why did it have to be so hard!

 

Groaning loudly, releasing some of her torment Thera turned to face her future. “Is this a decision you need now Serena or do I have time?” Cold blue eye met caramel brown and there were sparks. “Now Thera Gaidin, other arrangements have to be made if you will not live up to your duty”

One short sentence was all it took to cut Thera to the bone. She stood their bleeding and no one could see the pain that wound caused. “Don’t Serena…not like this” Tears fell from Thera’s eyes as she whispered. Moving her eyes to Jasine another wound opened in her, his sweet face was so open and showed so much concern. why was she being punished for love?

 

“Jasine I am so sorry…” she walked over and gathered both of his hands in hers and slowly kissed each finger tip. “ You have shown me a love that I could never have hoped to know. You gave me back my life and for that I am yours which makes what I have to say even harder. I am so sorry for putting you through this and I hope you can forgive, and look past, what I am about to do.” Brushing the hair from his eyes, she did not try to stop his flow of tears. With one last regretful look Thera walked over and took Serena’s hands in the same way, but there were no kisses here. Only tears. Unmasking the bond Thera looked into her Aes Sedai’s eyes and felt sadness to the bone.

 

“Serena you have been the light of my life for almost 10 years; you were the reason the sun rose every morning. As a young woman I gave you my heart willingly and for all these years you have held it, but that no longer stands true. My love for you has past, and while you will always hold a place in my heart….I can….c-can n-n-no longer…be your sword.” The silence was deafening. “ I a-ask you to….” Thera held tight to her courage “to release me from the bonds you still hold since I can no longer guard you as you deserve” It all tumbled out in a rush and when she was done a shame worse than any pain she’d felt before sank in. She had come to the Tower in search of an Aes Sedai to bond, and one had been so willing to accept her, and now……she had committed the worst shame a Warder could. She had broken oaths and forsaken one duty for another. The Light have mercy on her soul and the creator shelter her!

 

Jasine's heart turned as he heard Thera' stomach do the same.  He twitched visibly, but it was with a desire to go to her and comfort her.  That Serena Sedai could put her Gaidin through this and sit there so calm and collected made Jasine want to yell at the tiny woman, but he held his tongue and tried to keep his emotions distant.  As Thera came back to the fountain he looked away from the water and towards his love, trying not to look so desperately as if he wanted her to stay.

 

“Either answer I give will tear apart lives. How am I to live with that?”  He studied his hands as they spoke together, not really seeing them, just staring at them to keep his eyes off of Thera.  He knew Thera should go with her Sedai, even if the woman had been absent and negligent for so long.  But she had done so much good as the Mistress of Trainees, and even aside from his own feelings for her, he knew that she enjoyed and excelled at her task with the kids.

 

“Don’t Serena…not like this”  His mouth went dry and he clenched his jaw, forcing his emotions into the flame frantically to try and retain some sort of composure.  He could feel the Void wanting to collapse and closed his, shutting out the sight of her tear-streaked face for a moment.  When her next words touched him, they flew open and his composure was gone.

 

“Jasine I am so sorry…”  He paled, the blood draining from his face as he mutely watched her kissing his fingers.  Kissing them goodbye?  “You have shown me a love that I could never have hoped to know. You gave me back my life and for that I am yours which makes what I have to say even harder. I am so sorry for putting you through this and I hope you can forgive, and look past, what I am about to do.” Light!  He was willing to go with her!  Didn't she realize that they wouldn't have to part just because she had chosen to be with her Aes Sedai?  He took a step forward but was kept silent by his nerve escaping him under the chilling blue ice of Serena Sedai's gaze. 

 

I can….c-can n-n-no longer…be your sword.” His eyes flew wide and he looked away from Serena to Thera as she spoke and then after a long moment finished. “I a-ask you to... to release me from the bonds you still hold since I can no longer guard you as you deserve”

 

He could never have hoped for this, and be felt almost as if he was betraying the pain this obviously caused Thera when his own hope and joy swelled within him.  He dropped to the fountain bench, his knees collapsing right from under him.  After a long moment he remembered that as a living creature, breathing was something that came highly recommended and he gave it a try.  Thera had already made her choice, and all that remained now was how Serena Sedai would take it. 

In battle, often times when you are in death’s grasp all your senses are heightened and the world is more alive. In the moments that stretched on after Thera’s had said those fateful words the entire world was crisp and clear. Every emotion flowing from Serena was an open book and she savored everything she felt..the anger..the pain..and even the contempt. After today she may never again get to share a place inside someone’s head and she wanted her memories to last a life time.

 

Silently Serena grasped Thera’s head and with the pain of a thousands knives all awareness and emotions faded from her head. Clutching at her former Aes Sedai’s skirts her knees buckled and she hit the soft grass with a thud. Black spots glittered in front of her eyes and it was only then that she realized that she’d been slapped. With the sounds of tearing silk the skirts were ripped free from her hands and she only watched in horror as Serena glided away and out of her life.

 

Staring at the spot where her beautiful pixie had disappeared Thera clutched the scrap of silk to her face; drinking in the sweet rose perfume that was left behind. Pulling her knees into her chest she rocked slowly back and forth, not even caring that Jasine was seeing her total demise. She’d asked to be set free and yet it felt as if she’d been cast aside like an old shoe.

 

Hallow..that was the only word to describe how she felt. Hallow and completely alone. Thera did not know how long she cried, but it was dark by the time she began to dry her eyes.

 

The first thing he'd tried was talking to her.  When Thera didn't respond, he'd gotten out his handkerchief and wet it from the fountain, using it to gently cool her face and dab at it as though she had a fever.  He continued to speak softly, telling her it would be okay even though he had no idea if it would be, asking her if she was alright even though he'd given up hope of her answering, and repeatedly telling her he was sorry.  He was sorry for hurting her like this, for making her choose between him and Serena, for not having enough strength to help her through this.

 

Long before dark he was hoarse from talking and had just held her in his arms as she held her past in hers.  He rocked in time with her, one hand gently petting the beautiful hair he loved so much and the other providing whatever strength he could.  When an Accepted stepped into the garden Jasine shot her such a look that the woman must have mistaken him for a warder, for she scurried off faster than he thought possible.  When she returned a short while later with an Aes Sedai garbed in an elegant pale yellow dress, he did was he could to assure them that what was wrong with Thera could not be healed with the One Power.  Perhaps someday they would find the weave for mending a broken heart.  In a huff the woman marched off.

 

Just after twilight had started to fade from the sky he saw the same Accepted again, but when he looked up to shoo her off his ire was cut off before it could even properly begin.  The woman set a tray down on the edge of the fountain, nodded her head with a soft, sad smile, and then left them alone again.  The next time he dipped his kerchief into the fountain to cool it, he took a mug of the mint tea and tried to offer it to Thera to drink.  She seemed to be coming around a little, making an effort to dry her eyes, and he offered her the wet cloth to press to her eyes.

 

He wanted to say all of those things he had said while she was away in her own pain all over again, but the choked feeling in his throat kept him from speech.  He pressed a kiss to her forehead gently and waited for her to drink.

She was scarcely aware of Jasine’s existence as she tried to come to grips with her self induced heart break. After so many years with no contact, and hours of fights Thera knew she should not be taking this so hard…and yet. Not wanting to go down that vein of thought she accepted the mug from her fiancée before she ever even knew he was still there. A small part of her realized that he’d sat with her all day and into the night, chasing off anyone who would disturb her grief.

 

Thera fought the urge to fall into his arms, but she felt too much shame to even meet his eyes. She had asked to break the bond with her Aes Sedai Few things could cause worse shame in the eyes of her fellow Gaidin. She hoped that the decision she’d made ended up being the right one for everyone involved.

 

Leaning into Jasine’s kiss Thera managed a small smile as she felt his arms slip around her. Her whole life she had resisted being comforted by a man, being coddled and held. She’d never seen herself as a member of the fairer sex, she’d never seen herself as needing protection, but now… now she wanted to feel safe and secure. She wanted to be sheltered and protected from all things evil in the world.

 

By her own hand her confidence had been shattered and she was unsure how to begin rebuilding.

 

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