After going through the day with Sandre, Visar woke up early the next morning, and went through his training barely concentrating on it.  He was very anxious.  He had told Sandre that he would go to the Mistress of Trainees to tell her the truth, but in his trainee schedule, this was not easy to find time to do.

 

Finally, as the noon hour approached and he had a short break, Visar went to his room and physically prepared for what was to come next, changing and making himself more presentable.  He doubted his appearance mattered much, but it was at the least comforting to go through the routine of washing and shaving.  He decided he might come off as more sincere if he wore no weapons at all.  Since his crime concerned weapons, particularly two of them, he tied the wrist sheath of his smaller knife (the blade he killed with) onto the scabbard of the Tairen sword (the blade he stole).  He carried those loosely in his right hand, determined to be rid of them soon.

 

He then made his way to the office, trying not to shiver from nervousness.  When he reached the door, he closed his eyes briefly, cleared his thoughts, and took a few deep breaths before knocking on the door, idly wondering who was in the office today.

 

Thera arched an eyebrow when she saw Visar enter. She couldn’t imagine what would bring him to her office un-beckoned. In fact no one ever came to her office unless called; especially now that Dragar was around to help hand out the punishments. Word was already spreading like wildfire that he was not as harsh as Thera was, a tale she intended to put an end to if she had to start having him strap those he punished.

 

Setting down her pen she motioned him to a seat and sat silently. Silence was a powerful tool, especially when guilt racked someone’s mind. Folding her arms she did not break her stare, but she leaned back into her chair to wait. He would speak eventually if his eyes and the set of his shoulders were any indication.

 

Visar entered, and was immediately reluctant to say anything, the silent atmosphere extremely intimidating.  They took to their seats, and Visar swallowed.  How was he supposed to do this? 

 

They waited for some time, Visar going through his mind what he was going to try to say.  Eventually, he decided it would be better to just use a gesture to start.  He stood up briefly, and placed the Tairen sword on the desk first.  His teeth chattered and his body started to shiver, and he barely managed to stammer out,  "I...I have s-something I need to say, M-mistress Thera.  The t-truth."

 

More silence, as the Mistress waited for what he would say.  Visar closed his eyes, and forced himself to try to breath slowly, trying his hardest to calm his nerves.

 

"This sword...I d-did not come to it by...by honest means.  It d-doesn't...r-right afully belong...to...me."

 

"I stole it."  he managed to blurt finally, knowing he must look a nervous wreck with his body shaking and tears starting to form in his eyes.

 

"Not only that," he continued, his voice still shaking, "I stole it from a d-dead man.  Who...Whom I killed."

 

Visar placed his short dagger on the table next to the sword, indicating the killing weapon.

With this. he said mentally, but the words did not come.

 

He sat back down hard without looking, and almost missed the chair.  He steadied himself, and tried to explain his actions.  He continued in a more steady tone, fearing that he did not have much longer to live.

 

"I fled here.  Looking for a place to hide.  Looking for asylum from Tairen authority.  That's why I came.  The man...he had chased me down an alley and had me cornered.  I panicked, feared he was going to kill me, so I killed him first.  He must've been someone important, because he had a sword, but I don't know...who he was.  I know it was wrong to take his sword, though, and for that I deserve punishment.  I'd no doubt hang for that in Tear, so that's why I left."

 

He lifted his eyes and met Mistress Thera's gaze, tears in his eyes, but he knew what he had to do.

 

"I confess my crime before you now, and I will tell the same thing to a jury if there's to be a trial.  I wish to submit to the White Tower's judgment."

 

There, he had said all he needed to.  He sighed, and it felt as if a great weight had gone off of his shoulders.  He had told the truth, and now his fate was in someone else's hands.  Still, he truly did not want to die, and he could still feel hot tears sliding silently down his face.

Thera’s eyebrows wanted to climb higher, but she kept her features carefully controlled. When he laid the sword on her desk she reached out and slid it away from him; just in case he intended to do something stupid. Many trainee’s over the years had decided that the work was too hard and that death was a better option, or they choose to rebel against her or whomever had held her title.  Leaving the sword half way between them, slightly closer to her, she waited for him to confess whatever lie he’d told.

 

Murder??

 

Sitting up in her chair Thera pulled the dagger from the desk and examined the blade. Of course the blade had been cleaned many times since the murder, but she could not help but look for the tell tale signs.

 

It was strange: She’d killed countless men and a few women, but none had been murder. All had been in defense of the Tower or her Aes Sedai, it was just and right. What Visar was speaking of was crime, near its worst form.  Taking the sword from him she got up and placed it on an empty rack along the walls and laid the dagger on top. “I think those are mine for now” she said quietly as she regained her seat. The silence that followed was brooding as she weighed his options in her head.

 

In Tar Valon the punishment for murder was to hang, and even self defense could bring something almost as bad. If she sent Visar to trial in Tear the outcome would be death for sure; it was a noble he’d killed and in Tear nothing else would matter. At least if she kept him hear in Tar Valon she could set his punishment and spare his life. Her trainees were all important to her, and she would do whatever she could to help them!

 

Taking a deep breath she walked around the table and laid her hands on his shoulders. “Visar Falmaien, you are hereby confined and detained until such time as a proper punishment can be assigned for your crimes. You will be housed in the keep under constant watch until Tar Valon dispenses justice.”

 

Almost gently she pulled him up from his chair and commanded him to stay.

In the bottom drawer of her desk were irons; so seldom used that cobwebs covered them almost entirely. Not bothering to dust them off she clapped them on his wrists and took him out into the night and towards the keep. They were better than the dungeons and just as secure. Explaining his conditions briefly to the Guard outside:  “He is to be kept in the cells, under watch but there is no need for the chains. I also do not think bread and water should be his only food. Not yet.”  Without looking back she turned him over and headed back to her office. She needed to inform Mia, as well as the Aes Sedai. Thera intended to petition that his punishment be her decision, but even her words and Mia’s might not bring the desired outcome.

 

“I think those are mine for now”

 

Visar nodded glumly as she placed the weapons on her own wall.  He doubted he would ever see them again, but that was just as well.  They were made with one purpose, to destroy life without mercy.  As a deathly silence filled the room before Mistress Thera spoke again, Visar contemplated on the nature of being a warrior.  Truly, his experience, even in training, had not reflected the romanticized ideal that so many foolishly held.  Being a warrior was akin to being a killer, and Visar didn't think he could do that again without being able to justify taking a life.

 

“Visar Falmaien, you are hereby confined and detained until such time as a proper punishment can be assigned for your crimes. You will be housed in the keep under constant watch until Tar Valon dispenses justice.” 

 

Visar nodded glumly, and resigned himself for a long wait.  It would take time to make the decisions regarding his punishment, and more time if there was to be some sort of trial.  Yet at least it was more time to be alive, and he knew that he could not take his life for granted if he only had a short time left.

 

His knees felt weak, but somehow he managed to stand with Mistress Thera's help.  She gently put his arms behind his back, and clapped irons on his wrists.  Visar winced at the unfamiliar feeling of the rough, unpolished shackles.  They don't make these to be comfortable, do they? he thought.

 

He had only a brief time to take a look around at his nighttime surroundings, but they confirmed what Mistress Thera had said.  He was taken to the keep, and the guard there was told to keep him in a cell.

 

Visar looked forlornly at Mistress Thera's retreating back, as if his dead mother had left him alone in the world all over again.  Shoved to a cell, somewhat more roughly than Mistress Thera's hand, Visar sat hard on a wooden bed with no mattress.

 

He could barely see in the darkness of the cell, but there was nothing else in the blank room except for a rough pail for relieving himself.  There was only a small arrow slit for a window, much too small to see much out of.  The door clanged shut and Visar distinctly heard the bolt of the lock slide shut.

 

Alone, with nothing to do but to contemplate what he had just done, Visar curled up and attempted to find a position on the wooden boards that was more comfortable.  He felt somewhat miserable, and extremely scared, but he did not cry.  He had done the right thing, he convinced himself, and now he had to see this through to its finish.  In the meantime, he would have to wait for the Tower's judgement.

It had been a couple days since he saw Visar around the yards. After asking around a bit it didnt take too long to figure out he had gone through with his plan to confess to Thera and throw himself to the mercy of the Tower. So just as promised he stepped over to Thera's office and mentally checked off what NOT to talk about when trying to be nice to her. (Marriage, pregnancy, iron for some odd reason.) Hearing that someone was in the office he stepped in and knocked on Thera's door. "Mistress Thera." he said as he knocked. "I have come to talk about Visar. I wish to speak for him at the trial."

Thera had wanted the wording to be just right, and so each letter took time. It was the next day at dawn before both letters were sealed and sent off for delivery. Mia answered right away by summoning Thera to her office. It had taken shouts and a few hours of heated discussion before the Commander had agreed, on the Warders end, to allow Thera to set his punishment. Some strictures had been set, but being along the lines with that Thera had been thinking they were no imposition.

 

The gray sister that her other letter had been sent to was not so quick in her reply. It had been almost three days and she’d still not heard a word. Putting on her altered uniform, made to stretch over her growing belly, she was preparing to head into the Tower to garner a decision in person when Sandre knocked. Hearing what he wanted Thera sighed, but opened the door.

 

“Come in Sandre.” She didn’t offer him and chair and didn’t take one herself. This meeting would be short. “I do not even know yet if there will be a formal trial yet, but I would like to hear  what you know about Visar and his situation.”

Sandre stood. Visar's situation? He could have gone on for hours. However she seemed eager to be somewhere so he decided to keep it as short and sweet as possible, though he was not sure it would be as short as she would like. Standing like a stone statue and looking the Mistress in eyes, with a beginning breath he started.

 

"Well... hes been assigned to me many times and like many other trainees sees the tower of a place of mercy and redemption. So much so that he believed in service to all he would have an adequate penance. I have assisted with training on many occasions now Mistress and I must say that there are a lot of trainees and Tower Guards here whom have that look in their eyes... they have seen the wolf as they call it. Or the look of paranoia. How many times I have gone to bed and hoped that whatever horrors they saw to cause those looks, I hoped they were not by their own hands."

 

Seeing a hint of recognition in Thera's eyes he knew that she too must have wondered that at some point. He was glad he didnt have to take time to elaborate further.

 

"Visar is different... he is driven to right his wrongs. What he did... well he was starving. He has served time in Tear before and told me he was tortured and starved because he was stealing from nobles to feed himself... he didnt know any trades or any other way to live. That night for him was not a night of rational thought. He was more like a beaten and starved dog for what they did to him. There was no choices for him that night. He could have went back to prison and they would have killed him or he had to kill someone himself. One way or another someone was going to die... I believe in him Mistress. I believe his search for repentance is genuine."

 

As he nodded he had said his part. Hopefully that filled in some blanks for her. However he didnt feel right leaving out one small part as he opened the door to leave.

 

"Theres one last thing... some of the Trainees and Guards who have obviously had a more violent past are watching this closely... if they have to fear for their lives when they wish to confess their sins I do not believe they will do it. I think its important to know a little about the people who are protecting us and it would be a very hard mess to clean up should authorities from all nations come to claim trainees, guards,... and even warders for crimes unpunished that we had no idea about... but one I would help you with anyways... should you need me."

 

He walked out the door having said his piece. If she needed him further he was sure she would let him know. He held the door for her in case she was not done with him but she obviously had somewhere else to be.

 

"If you have any questions for me I will be available to you. Or if you have some now I will walk you to your destination."

Thera had never believed Visar a cold blooded murderer; she would not believe that of any of her trainee’s, but it was good to have someone else speak her own thoughts back to her. The truth was she had not been as involved with her trainee’s as she was in the past, and she knew none of the newest as well as she should. Visar was one of those, with him she had to go by what she could see and her gut instincts. She was not too proud to admit that those instincts had been wrong before.

 

“You can tell a lot from a man’s eyes Sandre. I was ready to stand behind Visar on that alone, but your words have only made me more adamant on his behalf. I do not know yet if there will be a trial, but I will hold your offer in mind if there is. You have been a good friend and good teacher to him, I respect you for that…I believe you will go far if you continue on as you have begun.” Stepping forward so Sandre could shut the door the bent to lock it. “I am off to the Gray Ajah quarters now, and this is a journey I should make on my own, but I thank you for your offer.”

 

Squaring her shoulders she made her way from the comfort of the Warders practice yards into the still unknown depths of the Tower. She always felt as if she were on trial as she walked the often empty halls. Tar Valon and even the Tower had been her home for 15 years and still she found no comfort with in the walls. Walking past the Blue Ajah Quarters she quickened her step, there were no Blue Sisters about at the moment but that did not mean that wouldn’t change.  They were all polite to her, on the surface, a few went beyond merely asking after her health, and even fewer still seemed genuinely interested. There had been a select number of sisters that had actually hinted at wanting her bond, those last had sent her running. She had left all ties to the Blue Ajah behind with Serena, and if she ever did re-bond she knew for certain which Ajah her Sister would not come from.

 

Stopping at the edge of the Gray Ajah’s entrance she took a few deep breaths before finding her way to the sister’s room. She had no delusion’s that the negotiations would be easy, especially since she’d choose not to wait on an initial reply.