A Sigh and a Whimper.. (the demise of Claire Sedai)

And I know the moment's near

and there's nothing you can do

look through a faithless eye

are you afraid to die?

 

What you leave behind

What you choose to be

And whatever they say

Your soul is unbreakable.

 

 

She could not put it off any longer. Her body screamed that time was running out. We all dream of being immortal, and Aes Sedai longevity can lull one into a sense of complacency with your place in the world. But that illusion was quickly unraveling for Claire Sedai of the Brown Ajah.

 

Claire had known for a long time that her passing would come, and soon...but it was so difficult to force that thought from the abstract into harsh reality. Sighing, Claire rose from her armchair and winced when old bones creaked as she walked.

 

The oldest Brown in the Tower had prepared for this eventuality, incomprehensible as it might seem. She tottered to her study to complete a few necessary tasks...unpleasant as they were.

 

A frequent visitor to her study might not recognize it anymore. So often this study was the site of piles upon piles of papers, archaic objects, and other oddments the woman had collected over her almost 300 years of life. Now it seemed at odds with her scatterbrained personality... She had spent the last month carefully organizing the mess as she organized her thoughts regarding her life. The papers were now in neat stacks; worthless ones discarded, and the majority bound into 3 separate volumes.

 

Again, a frequent visitor might not have recognized it...but Claire had not had many if any visitors the last few years. Dead, fled, or missing, her closest friends in the Tower could no longer comfort her with their presence. Just one more reason Claire viewed her impending doom with sometimes more relief than trepidation.

 

Claire sat at the desk chair and channeled the lamp alight. As always, the sweetness of saidar left her breathless. She wondered if there would be anything that sweet for her in the next life. If there was a next life. Ah well, might as well speculate about the color of the sky. The former sitter turned her thoughts to the 3 bound volumes in front of her. They represented her life's work, 2 subjects she had strained and toiled over to understand fully. But she had learned that only a fool could hope to completely understand a topic. You could research for years and still not do more than scratch the surface.

 

Claire carefully pulled a fresh piece of parchment from the drawer. She trimmed the nib of her quill with a pen knife held in shaking hands, and began to write in the flickering lamplight.

 

This is the Last Will and Testament of Claire al'Windischan, Aes Sedai of the Brown Ajah. Being in my right mind and committing this text of my own accord; what follows are my last wishes upon departing this life...

 

The first volume contained all of her research on ter'angreal, both those in the Tower and others she had encountered in her travels over the years. The words "Ter'angreal: Objects Lost in Time" were worked in golden engraving upon the leather cover. Claire had spent most of her life upon this topic, and accordingly this volume was the largest of the three. It contained all of her research (both the sanctioned and the secret) upon objects of Power over the years.

 

This volume is my legacy of things past, left to the ownership of the Brown Ajah. I pray that they preserve the text and use it to teach initiates about the objects that lay evident the lost realms of knowledge regarding the Power and its limits.

 

The second volume was slimmer than the first, but still a sizeable read. It also had gold engraving upon its cover, reading "The Dark One Within". Claire regarded it warily, but with some measure of pride. It had been composed in secret, and contained her philosophy on the topic of Darkfriends, and the potential for evil within us all. It touched on the subject of the Black Ajah, despite the tabu on that topic. Claire had seen too many sisters die to deny its existence, and her own twin being turned in front of her underlined that fact.

 

This volume I leave as a legacy to the initiates of this tower. I mean it as a warning to never become secure in the people you surround yourself with, and as a reminder that evil lurks around every corner, even within your own heart.

 

Last of all was a very slim and unadorned volume. She had bound it herself using plain cord and leather to keep the pages together. It was her memoirs, and it had pained her to write them. To relive her life, from its humble beginnings through moments of glory to its sunset years of semi-retirement, made the years feel twice as long upon her soul.

 

Finally, this volume I leave as a legacy of my life. I will have no other. I never loved a man in my bed, never married or had children. It is as it should be, that my lover was the White Tower, my spouse the Brown Ajah, and knowledge and resarch my children. To put Tower above all is the ultimate responsibility of an Aes Sedai, and I can proudly say that I never failed in that respect. I wish for this volume and my other worldly belongings and investments to pass to Shaneevae Sedai. She is the daughter I never had, and I charge her to try to learn from my mistakes, that she may prosper in the long career she has ahead of her.

 

Claire paused to read over what she had written thus far, and then bent to complete the document, to write the hardest part.

 

Upon my passing, I wish to be buried in the Tower graveyard with my sisters that have gone before. I need no tree planted to shade the sun, nor to shelter from rain. I have withstood both in this life and wish to continue of my own accord in the next. The only Shelter I wish will be in the Hand of the Creator.

 

She looked down at the drying ink, realizing the task was done and the time was at hand. She carefully folded the parchment and sealed it, writing "To Whom It May Concern.." upon the outside. Only one more task left, and it would be done.

 

The former Sitter traversed the study and entered her bedroom. If she was to go out, she would do it in style. Wearied eyes scanned the dresses in her wardrobe, picking a light brown silk that suited her modesty and held little ostentation in its subtle embroidery. Quavering hands struggled with the double row of pearl buttons along the back, but finally the task was done and she straightened to gaze at her reflection in the mirror. Better, but not perfect.

 

Claire's hands, weakened though they might be, still remembered how to deftly sweep her hair up into the double knot centered at the back of her head. As always, unruly strands still escaped the knot. Instead of her normal frustration, Claire simply left them there. They were part of her natural self, and she would not change it now...at the end of all things.

 

Everything achieved, Claire carried the letter with her back into her sitting room, and made herself comfortable in the chair by her fireplace. Old bones chilled easy; she covered herself with a fox blanket that Raeyn had given her upon her raising. She lifted a goblet of fine Andoran wine to her lips and smiled as the bittersweet cordial swirled in her mouth.

 

Claire drank that goblet of wine, and perhaps two or three (or five or six) more that night. Her emotions ran from sadness to elation, fear to melancholy. Many silent toasts to those who have gone before were said, and even a song was quietly sung, albeit with only partially remembered lyrics.

 

Claire was the only attendee at her own wake. And as sad as that might seem, it was the only way she would have had it.

 

As she drifted off into sleep, Claire's hand loosened its grip upon the goblet, which tumbled to the floor. Her fear forgotten, the ancient Brown murmured, "May the Light illumine us all, forever...."

 

A sigh escaped her perfect lips, her ageless face closed its grey eyes for the last time, and the Sedai Claire al'Windischan of the Brown Ajah knew no more.

 

 

 

 

OOC: I am taking the plunge, finally...

 

It has been wonderful posting with you all over the last 5+ Years as Claire, and I look forward to roleplaying with you all as Gianna, my novice. I would ask that everyone respect Claire's last wishes and not make a huge deal of her death. If anybody wishes to continue this thread (finding Claire, a funeral, etc), that is fine, but just keep the "Pomp" to a minimum. ;) And if nobody wishes to continue the thread...well, I don't think Claire would mind a bit.