Shrek: [to Donkey] WHY are you following me?

 

Donkey: Oh, I'll tell you why.

 

[starts to sing]

 

Donkey: 'Cause I'm all alone / There's no one here beside me / My problems have all gone / There's no one to deride me! / But ya gotta have friends...

 

Shrek: STOP SINGING! Well, it's no wonder you don't have any friends!

 

Donkey: Wow! Only a TRUE friend would be that truly honest!

Donkey: Whoa. Look at that. Who'd wanna live in a place like that?

 

Shrek: That would be my home.

 

Donkey: Oh and it is LOVELY. You know, you're really quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a NICE boulder.

Donkey: We can stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning, I'm making waffles!

Donkey: I just know, before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. Look at my eye twitchin'.

Donkey <3

Donkey: I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt, too. Those stairs won't know which way they're going... take drastic steps, kick it to the curb. Don't mess wit' me. I'm the Stair Master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here, right now, I'd step all over it...

Donkey <3

 

Yush

[looking for a certain type of flower]

 

Donkey: Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Man, this would be so much easier if I wasn't COLOR-BLIND!

[Donkey thinks he's dying]

 

Donkey: Oh man. I can't feel my toes.

 

[Looks down and yelps]

 

Donkey: I don't have any toes.

 

[Sits down]

 

Donkey: I think I need a hug.

Princess Fiona: [as ogre] Donkey, shh, shh. It's me... in this body.

 

Donkey: [gasps] Oh, my God, you ate the princess!

Donkey: [singing] The sun will come out tomorrow, bet your bottom...

 

[trails off]

 

Shrek: Bet my bottom?

 

Donkey: I'm coming Elizabeth!

 

[passes out]

 

<3

Shrek: Donkey, think of the saddest thing that's ever happened to you.

 

Donkey: Oh, man! Where do I begin? First there was the time the farmer traded me for some magic beans. I ain't never gotten over that. Then this fool went off and had a party, and they all starting trying to pin a tail on me. Then they all got drunk, and started hitting me with sticks, yelling "Piñata! Piñata!" What the hell is a piñata, anyway?

Donkey: [carriage runs over Donkey] Oh, God! help me, please! My racing days are over! I'm blind! I'm blind! Tell the truth. Will I ever be able to play the violin again?

Donkey: I don't wanna die...! I don't wanna DIE! Oh sweet sister mother of mercy... I'm melting...! I'm MEEELTIIING!

 

Shrek: It's just the rain, Donkey.

[Dragon flies up with her and Donkey's children]

 

Donkey: Oh come to daddy, my little freakish mutant babies.

 

[screen goes black]

 

Donkey: I gotta get a job!

 

lol at donkey spam