I have a friend who used to think he was a merman.

 

Now he is a werewolf instead.

 

"Oh, is it time to settle the bill? BEAM ME UP, SCOTTY! ...*awkward silence* ... I'm just going to walk out now..."

 

"So how much do you charge for the date? And how much more will I be billed if I decide to walk you home?"

"Oh, I already know where you live."

"You know, I used to date your mother."

"Your sister is pretty cute, too."

Ahhhhhhh, LMAO!

"I wonder if we're related."

(To a woman on the first date)

 

"I've always thought it'd be nice to break the record for most children... I think it was... 90 something? How are the birthing genes in your family?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JC2gIPnUCgw

 

BABIES. EVERYWHERE.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JC2gIPnUCgw

 

BABIES. EVERYWHERE.

 

 

Noooooo!

Hahaha

 

"Could you excuse me for a second? I need to change my diaper."

"Oh, I already know where you live."

 

I find that one particularly amusing.

"Do you have any pets? I used to but they all died. It's okay though cause I stuffed them all and arranged them in a pleasing fashion around my bedroom."

Ewwwwww!?

Oh... yeah... haha.

 

I was picturing them all staring at the bed... anyways...

 

Definitely a bad thing to say on a date.

 

"Just a heads up, I ordered beans and am going to have REALLY bad gas for the rest of the night."

Creative taxidermy is a trade which has fascinated me but I wouldn't be able to preserve a pet. companion animals are too much like friends to leave stuffed on your wall. I almost took an apprenticeship once and er... Maybe I should stop.

Creative taxidermy is a trade which has fascinated me but I wouldn't be able to preserve a pet. companion animals are too much like friends to leave stuffed on your wall. I almost took an apprenticeship once and er... Maybe I should stop.

 

I love my animals. I couldn't have them stuffed anymore than I could have my........

"I'm Team Edward. You're not Team Jacob, are you? I couldn't date someone who preferred the furries..."

 

Please note, this Is bad enough from a teenaged girl, but from a guy in his thirties... *shudders*

"I like Edward AND Jacob. I'm so glad that mainstream media has finally accepted bestiality and necrophilia."

 

-shudders-

LOL

 

Can we just skip straight to the make-out at the end? I'm on a bit of a schedule and you're talking quite a bit...

"Maybe you should have worn some more make up..."

"Or a paper bag."

I swear my mom double booked date night. Number two starts in ten minutes. Can I call you tomorrow?

Lol :-O

 

"Does this rag smell like cloroform to you?"

 

"Wow, that's really interesting. But enough about you. Seriously."

 

"I'm sorry about my choppy moustache. Can you teach me how you shave yours?"

 

"Would you like to come to the Family Reunion? You can meet my Mom, Aunt, Cousin, Sister. She's really a great gal."

Lol :-O

 

"Does this rag smell like cloroform to you?"

 

"Wow, that's really interesting. But enough about you. Seriously."

 

"I'm sorry about my choppy moustache. Can you teach me how you shave yours?"

 

"Would you like to come to the Family Reunion? You can meet my Mom, Aunt, Cousin, Sister. She's really a great gal."

 

THREAD WINNAH

What's wrong with all of those??? I've totally been using them and they work like a charm, especially the cloroform pick up line!!

Pun intended xP

 

" did it hurt when you fell? It's a long drop from heaven "