You will be hungry soon. Order takeout now.

 

You need to lose 10 pounds.

 

That wasn't chicken.

I was going to give you a fortune, but then I saw you.

 

Your girlfriend is pregnant. Run, dude.

Some assembly required.

"Someone is hacking your Facebook."

I'm not telling you because I don't want you to leak it on facebook.

Haha! I love it!

 

"Stop tweeting about your meal, it's socially unhealthy."

"Umm... what he said."

"Because that's what she said."

What about insulting cookies?

 

"If I had a dog with a face like yours, I would shave his rump and teach him to walk backwards!"

*laughs* ouch!