The rays of light that seeped in through the window seemed to mock her pain. How many years had it been since Nevin had gone? Surely too many to count on hands alone. Her delicate features now held the look of agelessness, but her too sad emerald green eyes added some age.

 

Slowly Eqwina twirled the thin gold chain between her fingers, torn between the desire to weep and the urge to fling it in the flames. But as always with her, she allowed her tears to flow. She had heard the whispers that she was too fickle to be Aes Sedai, and that she let her emotions show too freely. Eqwina knew some part of those rumors to be true. Since being raised to the Yellow Ajah she had spent all her time locked in the Tower; Healing Tower Guards and those who came seeking help and healing.

 

When she came to Tar Valon she wanted so much to learn. To be able to help those who could not help themselves, and she had done nothing but sit in these rooms and waste away. She traveled no farther than the infirmary when she left her rooms at all. She preferred to be awake only at night and enclosed herself off from contact with even sister’s of her own Ajah. Light she had become more reclusive than most Brown’s.

 

The last week Eqwina rose everyday with the sun. She began trying to force herself to be social but it seemed too many ties had been cut and most of her friends gone. The stares had forced her back to her rooms. No matter how hard she tried it seemed as if she would never break her endless cycle of loathing and self pity.

 

A timid knock at the door roused her and attempting to appear calm she dried her cheeks. The young novice showed no sign of shock at the tear stains on Eqwina’s cheeks, most knew her for what she was. “ Pardon, but you are needed in the infirmary. Aes Sedai” The child could hardly keep the contempt from her voice, and she added Aes Sedai as an after thought. Eqwina shut the door behind them, not even blinking at the child’s disrespect. It was old hat to her. Few people in the Tower treated her better.

 

The men were piled high in the infirmary that day, a near by farm had a horrible accident and they had brought all their wounded to the Tower to be healed. Bone weary Eqwina headed back to her rooms her eyes half closed. In her weary state she had taken a wrong turn and ended up in the gardens. The sun was just setting and long shadows marred the lawn. Resting a moment on a fountain bench Eqwina sighed. Each day seemed to drag on longer than the next. With that one simple thought the tears flowed freely. The few novices and servants running about their chores stopped to stare. Those who recognized her moved on, but most worried what had an Aes Sedai in tears.

Ooc: this was a hard one to work out cause Mae 'is' a softer side of the red. (a more easy going nature that has no given weakness). However.. I hope this works for you. ;)

 

 

Ic:

 

 

It wasn't the knock on her door that surprised her, but the Yellow sister, in a bit of a distress, that threrw Maegan more off guard. It was not often that one of the yellow sisters would visit, nor hold the face that this woman held.

 

"Sister Aithnea." Magan said, standing up form her work bench and tucking the stone she had been working on into the back of her skirts pocket. "Such a long face for you, what is wrong?"

 

"Maegan Sedai," She was all about the formality, as she always was, and Maegan only nodded her head in a respectful manner as she always did. Unformal was her relationship with the Yellow Ajah, one could possibly claim them as friends if the word ever were permitted outside of an Ajah. Never the less, Aithnea Sedai was here for business. This much was quite clear to her.

 

"I wish to approach you on a small confidential issue, If i may." She started. Saying a soft oath, Maegan listened intently with a frown that deepened at each word. It was indeed an issue, but not something that would be asked of anouther Ajah. Embaressing in a way, but maegan could see the woman's problem. Having anouther Ajah, especially a Red, step in may have the extreme desire or dowfall on the subject, however, Aithnea knew well of Maegans far more easy-going temperment that just may counter anything that may possibly make situation any worse than it already was. Or so, as Aithnea Sedai stated, they hoped.

 

With reserved reluctance, she agreed.

 

The day was unusually beautiful and rather warm as Maegan stepped out of the Great Doorway and towards the Gardens, following the directions Aithnea Sedai had given her. She saw the woman nearly in tears, hunched over and with no form of the Aes Sedai pride. In public, no less. Maegan's voice grew cold as she spoke. Her face soft yet void of all possible emotion as the clarity and deepness of her voice spoke without an intone to indicate her mood.

 

"Get up" Maegan summoned, The other woman physically towered over Maegan's short frame, however with the state the woman was in, it was clear that Maegan had presence while the other was as doctile as a young novice. Maegan swiftly brought them into a secluded classroom already shielded from evesdropping as she turned to Eqwina.

 

 

"Child," a term she used for those under their station. No Aes Sedai would allow her to use such a term unless they were not of sound mind. However, "If you insist on displaying such shows of pitiful affection you might as well put yourself back into the Novice Whites and report to the Mistress of Novices. It is dispicable how you parade your weakness in such forms. Discraceful."

 

Maegans hands were nearly placed in front of her, waiting patiently for the woman to completely break. As break she must before she could go too far. Maegan did not even concern herself with reaching for Saidar as this woman was far to emotionally frazzled to even light a candle. Light help her, she was going to need her strength. Both of them.

 

 

 

Maegan Ryanne

Highest

Doing the Yellow's a Favour. ;)

OOC: Just one note, Eqwina would be shorter than you. She is only 4'8 Other than that it is great!!

 

IC:

 

The evening proved to be as warm as the day, and soon the gardens seemed to be bustling with activity. It mattered not to Eqwina; her tears were a torrent that flowed with no relenting in sight. Her small shoulders were hunched and her frame shook with every new set of tears. Most made a wide ring and went out of their way to avoid the sobbing women. No proper Aes Sedai or any women with an ounce of self respect would display herself in front of so many.

 

She did not even hear the other woman approach, but her cold words cut into her like ice. “ Get up” Without thought to her own station Eqwina stood and obeyed, just as she would have as a novice. She became vaguely aware of the shield against eavesdropping the other women wove but made no protest. Eqwina simply stared at her hands, unable to make herself meet the other woman’s eyes. Maegan was known to be kind, a rarity among Red’s but still Eqwina could not imagine why a woman she never met would choose now to approach her. “Child” With that word Eqwina’s well concealed temper flared, but with her face swollen the look only made her seem pathetic. “If you insist on displaying such shows of pitiful affection you might as well put yourself back into the Novice Whites and report to the Mistress of Novices. It is despicable how you parade your weakness in such forms. Disgraceful.”

 

Blinking the tears back Eqwina straightened her back and attempted her best imitation of Aes Sedai serenity. “Who are you to be concerned with how I show my feelings?” The speech would have been almost effective if her voice had not crack at the last, and her eyes had remained erect. Turning on her heel and almost stumbling Eqwina attempted to walk away and found herself caught with flows of air. Eqwina was so unpracticed at being Aes Sedai reaching for the source never occurred to her. 20 years to the shawl and she still acted like a half trained twit. The flows dissipated and Eqwina sat hard on the ground. From her perch on the cold stones Maegan’s form made long shadows and covered Eqwina in darkness. The passers by stopped to stare at one Aes Sedai standing over another, it was surely a sight never before seen. Even Eqwina, who was accustom to humiliation began to turn a pale shade of red from embarrassment.

Ooc: Hehe. I've gotten used to Mae being the shortest save Sirayn.. pardon the mistake.

 

Ic:

 

The girl should have been smarter than this...

 

Maegan walked swiftly past and slammed back the door to keep onlookers from pearing in. It shut with a forceful slam the vibrated against the wall, rattling even in Maegans head. If she was going to make an Aes Sedai cry, she would at least give her the courtesy to do so in private. She would expect the same if such a deed was done to her in return. Looking to the woman, Maegan's usually warm face was as inviting as a cliff face as she rounded on the younger Aes Sedai.

 

"If you don not recognise me child due to your months of moping about and making a complete fool of yourself, then I am certainly not going to have you sully my name by uttering it. You are meant to be an Aes Sedai and as an Aes Sedai in this tower you are not only meant to set an example for the Novices and Accepted, but you are to meant to be an asset for your Ajah and a sister that your Ajah may take pride in."

 

The temperature in the room seemed to drop as Maegan's tone became icy. "Instead you sit about and shed more tears than a rainstorm, and more so you do so publically like some prostitute for attention. The meanest whore of Foregate would have more spine than you, and in an Aes Sedai this is inexcusable. While some of your fellow sisters might have been content to let you moan pathetically and fritter away your days, shirk your duties and disgrace your ring and shawl, I am not those sisters. As of today, your disgraceful behaviour ends."

 

Reaching down, Maegan quite forcefully grabbed Eqwina's arm and pulled her to her feet. There was no resistance in her so it was an easy matter to drag her to a chair and shove her onto it quite forcefully. It might have been easier to use threads of air but using physical force was much more direct. Staring down at her, Maegan clicked her fingers at Eqwina as she spoke, inwardly cringing at using an action Aran had often used during their training. "Up, I am not talking to your scalp and the first thing you are going to do is stop acting like some milksop, look at me when I am talking to you." Waiting for her to do so, her gaze was just as stony as before. "Well? What are you waiting for? I expect an explanation for your behaviour and why I am forced to put aside my studies and waste my time with you. Talk."

 

 

Maegan Ryanne

Highest

Why did this woman feel the need to intrude on her misery?! Eqwina felt like a fool. As Maegan Sedai’s words washed over her she flinched. Prostitute? Whore? Perhaps she displayed her emotions a bit too freely but she was far from a whore! No matter how angry the words made her she could not make herself fight back. All the backbone she had received growing up in Ebou Dar and traveling from place to place, many nights sleeping rough in haystack had all melted away.

 

Eqwina’s heart felt as if it had been ripped from her chest and her every breath was an effort. Her strength, her heart and all her passion for life had been ripped from her the day Nevin left. How could her sweet trainee have been so cold?

 

A sharp pain shot into her arm as the women ripped Eqwina to her feet but she could not even muster enough self respect to take notice. "Up, I am not talking to your scalp and the first thing you are going to do is stop acting like some milksop, look at me when I am talking to you.Well? What are you waiting for? I expect an explanation for your behavior and why I am forced to put aside my studies and waste my time with you. Talk."

 

Given her short stature Eqwina had spent her entire life looking up to other people, but at this moment that advantage seemed too much to give the woman. Her emerald eyes brimmed with tears as she looked straight ahead; staring at the pale skin that was Maegan’s chin. “ My life, and my past are none of your concern. it would take more time than I care to spend explaining it to you, especially since you are a Red.” The speech was pathetic and Eqwina knew it would only bring further retribution but she was not about to lay her heart on the line for anyone. Nevin, or rather his memory was hers and hers alone. She could not let it go! Eqwina's small fists clinched digging sharp nails into her hands. If she let go of his memories then she would be truly alone. Daring to take a look she swung her eyes up and was met with a stony glare.

 

Once more fresh tears began to flow from Eqwina, but she forced herself to stare into Maegan’s eyes.

 

_________________________________

Eqwina Sedai

Humiliated beyond belief

And completely alone.

In spite of the woman's state of emotion her defiant lift of the chin spoke little of Eqwina's disposition to Maegan, and she was unimpressed. Although she gave the woman credit for the tears without giving into her bodies obvious desire to break down. "Your conviction to astounds me." She said coldly, purposely ignoring any mention of the coloured Shawl. "Pitiful parlor tricks are meaningless if you delude that it will entice any form of pity. If I am not mistaken you were quite renown for them in your Novice and Accepted years. Arches and Testing are meant to remove the weak from achieving the shawl."

 

Folding her arms across her chest for a second time, Maegan leaned against the table behind her as she looked to Eqwina. The woman's own stubbornness to give in to her own weakness was far from amusing, and as Aithnea Sedai had admitted, it was tearing the girl apart. Was there something that the child had missed in her training that kept her from forming more than a coherent understanding of What an Aes Sedai was? Mayhaps breaking her was not all that Eqwina needed.

 

"Did you honestly think that the illusions you wove for yourself would become real when you received the Shawl? That Life would become easier? Perhaps you desired to bond? Maybe you will discover a cure for a rare disease? Wake up, Eqwina Sedai. You were conditioned to withstand failure, not falter like a desiccated and wilted rose. Do not continue to wear out my patience with your feeble excuses."

 

 

 

 

 

Maegan Ryanne

Highest

Many had looked at her with pity and even hatred. More than a few had failed to use her title, but never before had anyone used the honorific with such distain. Attempting to regain the balance Eqwina stood straighter still, though she barely came to the women nose. “Feeble excuses? Is my shawl not enough to prove my courage? You know as well as any other that the tests for both Accepted and the shawl are not a walk in the park.”

 

Eqwina clasped her hands tightly in a vain attempt to keep them from shaking. She had to slow down; too often she let her emotions dictate her words. This woman made it clear she would bode no excuses, but there was no reason to reveal it all. “ I will concede that my behavior today was not befitting my station, but I am after all Aes Sedai and I dem..” She had been about to say demand but given her social standing among the sisters in the tower she was in no place to make demands. “ I would request you at least allow me to hold on to my last scraps of dignity”

That speech was the longest Eqwina had made in some time and reality was hitting her hard. Had she really done so much damage?

Eqwina had feared long ago that her reputation was beyond repair, and she had given up. And now..she had reached the lowest of low. Not even her sisters could she her for what she was. Eqwina twirled her ring; silently waiting for the upbraiding that was about to come.

I am just going to pretend like you already posted, since I read it before it was deleted and move on. :D

Maegan regarded Eqwina with her apparent cold and calculating eyes that would seemingly pear out of her specticles, but she knew better. The child, as weak as she was, held on to her secrets with a fiercenes that could be better placed, better angled and if done so, the girl could be better. But how to change tactics without appearing soft to the poit of sympathetic. Although it was not hard to appear ruthless, Maegan was not about to let that instilled possibility of the image she gave to be found with fault or weakness. After all, secrets or not, Maegan was far from weak.

 

"You have told me nothing that alleviates the reason for us being here. And I have no intention of doing so." Her voice still cold. "Let me tell you a story, Eqwina Sedai." She paused in waiting as she allowed the girl to collect thoughts.

 

"Some time ago, to some a long time, to others not so long, there was a girl and it was her 16th Nameday. Out into the city she went in search of her friend so they could celebrate. Not lost, but not where she should be, the girl found her friend being raped in a side street. Threatened herself the girl did everything in her power and attacked the man. But she was too late. Her friend was dead. The man was dead too by her hands."

 

Maegan paused. "She ran away, and into the street, angry at the man for the death of her friend, angry at herself for the death at her hands. But no one knew what happened. It was too long ago for anyone to remember her name."

 

"What happened?" ... "Hit by a carriage as she ran away and no one knew the blood on her hands was not her own."

 

Maegan regarded Eqwina from behind her specticles with eyes unreadable. "Now, I want you to tell me a Story, be it anything."

 

 

 

Maegan Ryanne

(stupid Dm ate my post, but i thought of a better one.. ;) )

Going camping!! I'll post Monday

*Envies* enjoy your trip! ;)

Eqwina’s emerald eyes glistened with tears, but her heart burned with the desire to let go, to let go of her past and let wounds heal. But that would be admitting it was really over, and then there was no going back.

 

Maegan’s gaze bore into Eqwina, her eyes shone with fury, but for a moment there was something more. Could it be compassion?

The gates that had held her memories for so many long years broke open….

 

Her tiny hands shook, but her voice rang clear. “You are in luck, I can do more than tell you stories, I can make you live them, but when I am done will you leave me to my grief? Eqwina knew she was pressing Maegan, but no part of this would be easy for her.

 

She attempted to clear her mind, and let her thoughts drift, back to the days when it was just her and Elfien, traveling village to village. A small smile crept across her face remembering the old gleeman.

 

“ I remember the first time I ever knew heartbreak, I was 11 at my parents in back in Ebou Dar. Elfien was well into his telling of the Great Hunt.”

A thick tendril of black smoke curled under the door, drifting slowly toward the sleeping Eqwina, the smell would have been her first warning had she not been sound asleep. It was not the smoke but the crash of her door slamming open that woke the frightened child. Immediately a shrill cry escaped her as Elfien threw her over his shoulder and she realized the Inn was encased in flames. “Momma!! Da!!” He weak crys were lost in the screams of the dying. By the time the old gleeman had the struggling Eqwina down the stairs the common room had filled with smoke but the light from the fire made one image clear. On the floor stuck half under a ceiling beam was Eqwina’s mother, dirty and covered in soot screaming in pain.

 

Eqwina’s voice had become a whisper “ It was at that moment that I knew I would never be whole again.” Maegan’s eyes now shone with sympathy. “ For 6 years Elfien was my father, my teacher, my entire life. He taught me how to smile again” Her hand drifted to the delicate chain that held the jewel on her forehead, and a single tear escaped, but she continued her tale.

A young girl, plump but beautiful stood on a table her black curls shaking as she painted a picture for the men at the tables surrounding. She held there attention as surely as Elfien could have, but while she regaled the men with tales of Rosheen Eagle Eye and Brigette Sliverbow her mind was upstairs. Poor Elfien had taken sick, it had been three days since she had been able to make him eat more than broth. Late into the night, when the last man had headed home or up the stairs to find his bed Eqwina retired to her room. As tired as she was she went to check on the old man before sleeping, when she first saw him she thought he looked peaceful, like in a deep sleep. [/i] “ I straightened the blankets, and bent to kiss his cheek, when my lips touched flesh I knew him for what he was..he had been dead for hours at that point. I froze, I could not scream or cry, once again my entire world had been turned upside down, only that time I was alone.” Light , how long had it been since she had thought of poor Elfien? Years probably and even those old wounds had not healed.

 

“You see Maegan, I was a shattered mess long before I ever thought of coming to Tar Valon” She smiled slightly remembering her first glimpse of the city. “ I still remember my first look and the city, the White Tower’s gleaming like a beacon to guide me. I was so lost and alone but just the sight of the city made me feel safe.”

 

OOC: I’ll let you respond before I get into the real issue of Nevin :D :D