Granted. I wish that you win the Lottery - but it gets ruined and your house is burgled and someone steals the ticket

 

I wish that I don't get caught after robbing your ticket

Granted! You are not caught. You are however, apprehended, charged, and imprisoned for many years.

 

 

I wish I didn't have to give the judge a 50% cut of my winnings

The judge renegotiated and is now taking all of it. (You really need yo sign the ticket)

 

I wish that wishes came true.

They do, but not for you.

 

I wish this thread resurrected...

Granted, but not for eternity...

 

i wish i could spend more time on DM

Granted... but you may NEVER LEAVE (Not even to sleep or use the restroom)

 

I wish for all the worlds bills to be forgotten and never require payment again!

granted - although why duck beaks required payment in the first place, I shall never know.

 

I wish for a triple-scoop, banana fudge sundae. With sprinkles.

Wish granted but the bananas take control of your brain, because that's what bananas do.

 

I wish that the WoT characters were real.

Granted -- and the first one you meet is Semirhage.

 

 

 

I wish websites that say "free shipping for orders of $75 or more" actually meant that or would state that it doesn't apply to international orders. ._.

Wish granted but you never receive the things you buy because the company can't afford the shipping without you paying for it.

 

I wish for a giant triple-decker chocolate cake with frosting and no bananas or poison. 

Granted... But Ice eats it all before you have a chance to even smell the cake.

 

I wish for myself to be a physically healthy, uninjured, and normal version of my current body containing my current mental state and which will heal from any and all injuries, diseases, illnesses within a 24 hour time period.

Granted - but a freak experiment at the LHC creates a black hole that swallows the Earth, and you are stuck forever within the Event Horizon, constantly turning into quantum strings and then reconstituting the next day.

 

I wish for FREAKIN sharks with FREAKIN LAZERS on their foreheads.

Wish granted, but the freakin sharks  freakin kill you with their freakin lazers.

 

I wish for a soft, fluffy, cuddly bunny.

 

Vorpal Bunny arriving in 3, 2, ...

 

 

I wish that a giant, sentient banana stalks dawn for eternity.

Wish granted, but Dawn balefires you so that you never made that wish 

 

I wish all bananas went extinct.

granted, but monkeys attack humans for food now

 

i wish i would play in a band again..

Granted, you may now play in your own giant rubber band.

 

I wish for more wishes!

Wish granted, but the wishes only last 1 minute and then whatever you wished for disappears.

 

I wish math class was nonexistent.

granted, though instead of classes, it's a summer bootcamp.

 

i wish i would be liberated from this giant rubber band!

Granted - 

that should do it...

 

I wish to have shapeshifting powers.

granted, but you can only transform into diffirent kinds of minerals.

 

i wish traveling would be cheaper

Wish granted, but it is cheaper because it is more dangerous.

 

I wish that writer's block didn't exist so I could write faster.