don't ask how the child was conceived or obtained; you don't wanna know and we'd have to kill you if you found out.

 

he's here now and we have an unparalleled opportunity to warp an innocent mind and create the best minion since sonny made the mistake of taking up skiing, and to start 2014 off wrong. very, very wrong.

 

doesn't have to be elaborate, cause the little tyke still has to consort with ordinary humans to be of any real service to our Great Lady of Darkness.

 

it's the little things that add up to destroy a soul

 

I'll start with a few simples (DO try these at home, the forbidden experiments are the mostest fun)

 

1. mandatory 24/7 TV. doesn't have to be teletubbies but it can't hurt.

 

2. diet of twinkies, cheese doodles, and Mountain Dew. I would have chosen fresh blood and squirming weasels but experts claim this stuff is worse. go figger.

 

(now accepting volunteers to carry baby new year 2015; enquiries may be forwarded to verbal)

3. voodoo doll teddy bear

4. exclusively snakes and spiders for pets.

3. voodoo doll teddy bear

 

There is no way anyone can top this, but I'm going with a Chucky doll. 

3. voodoo doll teddy bear

 

Give me my bear back! 

 

 

5. Read childrens books where the villains always win in the end. 

6. let Disney do the work. srsly, that man knew how to twist a child's emotions better than anyone except maybe the guy who invented those mcdonalds commercials with the talking French fries.

7.Raise them to believe that the real Karate Kid is not "Daniel-san" but that other dude, 

8. toilet training with a squirty bottle. and Cheerios.

9. Introduce them to hair gel as early as you can. Possibly in utero.

10. repeat the phrase, " accident... I mean surprise," as often as possible.

11. Have the "Who let the dogs out" song playing on a loop in their nursery

12. perpetual perceptual experimentation with alternating inversion glasses.

13. Raise him on comic books and say Robin is everyone's favorite "superhero"

14. Give him a scream rattler. Every time he shakes it, human screams come from it.

nice... you're a natural :)

I gotta give Han 10 points for that one. 

15. 20 years of schoolin and you put him on the day shift

16. Raise him and tell him how college will be the only way he'll ever make it in the world.... and then never tell him about tuition

17. moe haircut.

18. Instead of the Boogie man, tell him Dexter will come for him in the middle of the night

20 points each to Kathleen, Tina, lily, moon, and nar shadda Han for playing evil baby

25 to des for playing a lot

and 10 from my personal points to des for posting so much :)

Thanks Cindy!

 

 

And that reminds me, gotta do my tally for the thread I started hehe

:sleepymyrddraal: