Granted, it is now March 30th of the year 787.  A.D.  Sumeria.

 

I wish it was warmer in my house.

Granted. Your house has now been moved in its entirety to the Sahara desert.

 

I wish I had tomorrow off.

Tomorrow is cancelled.

 

I wish Basel had tomorrow off.

Granted but then he will use his free time to prank u

 

I wish I had an awesome chocolate cake waiting for me in my kitchen

Granted, but somebody buys a cartoon exploding candle and the whole thing ends up all over your walls and floors and ceiling

 

I wish I had one of those kneeling chairs in my office.

Granted but it breaks the second time you use it.

 

I wish for a library.

Granted but then u can't access it

 

 

Granted, but in your rage you accidentally stab Stephen Hawking.

 

I wish I could have god like powers for one moment so I could make a law that anytime anybody is about to do something mean/hurtful to another suddenly they get stung by 10 bees. 

Granted, but after the 10th time i'll get stung, i'll be really angry at u and balefire you

 

I wish I could have the Wolverine powers ^_^

 

now, nothing can go wrong with that? right?

Granted, and nothing goes wrong at all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just kidding, a mad scientist finds out about your powers and just like Prometheus you are repeatedly killed every day for all of eternity only to  not quite die and come back to life and be tortured some more.  In fact, every thing in this article happens to you: http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-9-worst-things-comic-books-have-ever-done-to-wolverine/

 

I wish I never had to watch a bad youtube video again.

Granted but then you'll never manage to get out of boredom again

 

I wish I could unhear stuff i heard today

 

*shivers*

Granted but antrograde amnesia. Meaning you cannot form new memories.

 

I wish the speed of light was only fify miles per hour.

Granted. But everything else would become proportionally slower.

 

I wish I weren't so sleepy

Granted, you are suddenly so wide awake and wired that you shake uncontrollably for the rest of the day.

 

I wish the general populace understood basic scientific principles.

Granted, but no one knowns how to apply them to anything.

 

I wish for a skilled muscian to compose an exciting ballad about cheese.

Granted, but you never get to hear it.

 

I wish tickets to sporting events were cheaper.

Granted, but they are all reserved years in advance because everyone can access them and you never get in anyway.

 

 

I wish humans would only need half as much food/water/etc. to survive from day to day.

Wish granted, but the half that disappears is everything that tastes good like cake and stuff.

 

I wish that all bananas would die and never come back.

Granted, but the resulting effect of all bananas dying is so catastrophic to the food chain that all life dies out on earth. Bananas=most important fruit on earth

 

I wish nobody ever wore shoes for any reason.

Wish granted but then everyone gets blisters on their feet.

 

I wish for a cookie.

Granted, here is your jalapeno-spinach-birdpoop cookie.

 

I wish for a chance to workout tonight.

(At least that's better than a banana cookie)

 

Wish granted, but you get hurt working out and break your leg.

 

I wish for more WoT books after AMoL

granted. the banana is rediscovered and a population denied peaches creates a society that revolves around it

 

I wish I had a transporter

Wish granted but it only transports you to one place, and that place is the kingdom of the rabid bananas.

 

 

I wish for all of the chocolate. All of it.

Granted.  you get crushed under a mountain of chocolate, and your broken rotting remains corrupt the entirety of the chocolate that killed you so that no one can ever enjoy it ever again.

 

I wish Michael Bay would die right now, without even the slightest chance of being saved or revived.