This is something which is very relevant at the moment. You can use the word "prank" instead of "joke" too.

 

That sounds like a case of Schrodinger's douchbag, but operating on a subconscious level. For those that haven't come across this before Schrodinger's douchbag is someone who makes a potential offensive or controversial statement, and then depending on the reaction of the audience decides whether it was only a joke or is actually a strongly held opinion. Never considered that this could operate below the conscious level, but recent experience has taught me that some people pretty much lie to themselves constantly to protect their ego or self image. 

 

Or is that the same thing? Ego and id. Hmm, seem to remember an analogy of a coach (you) , the horses (your emotions?), the driver (id?) and an old man nagging about how badly the coach is being driven from the back seat (ego?). That doesn't seem right. Meh. 

sounds like a topic for the Whites. 

Did a quick google search and just to correct my completely off-topic aside, according to Freud, the horses pulling your coach this way and that due to unconscious impulses - your inner child - is the id, the driver trying to satisfy those impulses and control them is the ego, and the old person telling the ego what it should do and how it should do it - our conscience - is the superego. 

 

None of which has anything to do with self image, or this thread. 

100%  i fear/dread what i attempt all the time. partially because i know that that's the only way to grow. is to do the scary thing

 

I'm now in agreement with this. "Being the bigger person" just allows abusive people to continue being abusive not just to oneself, but to others. In other words, it's actually a cowardly cop-out.

It took having some of my people getting abused in order for me to realise this, and break the chain.

We live and learn.

 

I think this is a subtle issue. 

 

What you say is absolutely correct, when referring to situations where you see your options as reacting or remaining aloof. Often choosing not to escalate only leads to more collateral damage. 

 

But I'd argue that "being the bigger person" can be interpreted as to how you respond. I would say that it should taken as not reacting to pettiness with pettiness, to lies with lies, to hurtful remarks with hurtful remarks or to anger with anger. 

 

But you can absolutely be the bigger person while using the proper channels for complaints/punishments, publicly supporting any victims, making clear any such behaviour is not welcome, giving the advice that the person in question could try to be a bigger person. 

 

I would frame being the bigger person as attempting to emulate the people that I have been honoured to know and that I have admired. 

 

But it is definitely a matter of judgement. Appeasement or trying to not not rock the boat for the sake of the atmosphere of a space are not per se bad things, indeed in many situations they are admirable. But definitely responsibilities that one has to others should not be overlooked or downplayed. 

 

6 minutes ago, HeavyHalfMoonBlade said:

But I'd argue that "being the bigger person" can be interpreted as to how you respond.  I would say that it should taken as not reacting to pettiness with pettiness, to lies with lies, to hurtful remarks with hurtful remarks or to anger with anger. 

 

I would fully agree with you, if people meant it as you explained there. Unfortunately people usually mean "be the bigger person" as things like "just walk away". It's that type of reaction which I'm referring to, but yah it should be made a bit clearer, heh?

48 minutes ago, Elgee said:

 

I would fully agree with you, if people meant it as you explained there. Unfortunately people usually mean "be the bigger person" as things like "just walk away". It's that type of reaction which I'm referring to, but yah it should be made a bit clearer, heh?

Definitely agreed. 

there is a point at which both are true. when you both confront a wrong, stand up and not accept it then once that's accomplished you wipe your hands and be the bigger person in the terms Heavy meant. walk away from the toxicity because it'll only feed it. but i know you both know and exemplify this.