Me: “Thank you for choosing Shaw, Charles speaking, how can we help you?”

 

Him: “Hi.  First off I just want to tell you that I waited on hold for over 20 minutes to get through to you!  20 minutes!  You need to hire more people!”

 

Me: “Well, I’m sorry to hear that you had to wait so long to get through to us.  How can I help you out today?”

 

Him: “I’m not happy that my bill went up.  Not happy at all.”

 

Me: “Well, let’s bring up your account and we’ll have a look.”

 

Him: “I just wanted to let you know that I’m not happy.”

 

*disconnects call*

 

Me: “Ummm... thank you for choosing Shaw?”

 

 

I like the enforced Tagline 'Thank you for choosing Shaw'

 

We had to say something along the lines of 'I hope you are satisfied with the level of service you have received today', which left us open for abuse if the customer was PO'd

Me: "Thank you for shoosing Shaw.  How can we help you today?"

Him: "What the hell is wrong with your services?"

Me: "I... don't really know.  Let's bring up your account and we'll have a look."

*brings up account*

Me: "Ok, well... what's going on?"

Him: "Why do I have a little hourglass on my computer screen?"

Me: "Uh... that means that a programme is loading into your computer's memory.  It's just telling you that you need to wait while it completes the initialization."

Him: "Oh really?  That a fact?  then why does it take over an hour?"

Me: "It takes how long?"

Him: "You heard me.  An hour."

Me: "When was the last time you took your computer to a PC tech for a tune up?"

Him: "I... Uh... A what now?"

Me: "Well, a computer is a lot like a car.  they need constant maintenance.  I'd say a good rule of thumb is get a tune up every 6 months.  When the programmes in your computer load, they have the opportuynity to become dammaged.  It's like the starter motor in your car.  eveery time you turn it on, it damaged the worm screw a little.  Over time, the screw will fail and your starter will hit a "flat spot" and just spin.  Well, your program is doing that right now... It's just spinning.  Let's reboot your computer and start the opening again."

*computer reboots*

*application opens*

Him: "It worked!"

Me: "Yeah, that's what I figured.  Flat spot on the programme.  Take it into the shop and the tech there'll get it fixed up for ya in a jiffy."

Him: "Wow!  Thanks!  How much will that cost?"

Me: "Well... it depends on the make and model of your Operating System.  they usually run about $50 or so, more if they need to do extra work.  the less common systems though are like imports, a little more expensive.  I'd say roughly $75.  Give or take."

Him: "Yeah... about the same as a full oil and lube job."

Me: "Yeah, pretty close.  Is there anything else we can help you out with today?"

Him: "Naw.  Thanks.  You've been a big help."

*click*

 

I just hope he doesn't squirt grease into his hard drive...

Me: Thank you for choosing Shaw, how can we help you today?

Him: What the F is up with this bill?

Me: I'm... not sure.  Let's bring up your account and we'll see what's going on there.

*brings up account*

Me: Ok, so what do you need help understanding on your bill?

Him: I paid my bill in full, then 2 days later I get this F-ing bill in the mail demanding $200 MORE DOLLARS!  I want you to explain that!

Me: Ok.  Well... it's like this.  Letters take 5-10 business days to be delivered.  So if you received a letter today, it was mailed 5-10 busienss days ago.

Him: So... Why the HELL is it $200?

Me: Ok... it's like this... That was mailed to you BEFORE you made the payment.  So... *meaningful pause*  When it was mailed you actually owed $200.  Since then, you've paid $130.  Now you only owe $70.

Him: Yeah?  Well why is this bill wrong then?

Me: Well... it's made of paper.  We print using ink on the paper.  Once it's printed it can't change.  It's not like a computer screen that can change "on the fly."

Him: I know that.  I'm not an idiot. 

Me: Ok, well that's good to know.  So that bill was mailed 2 weeks ago when the bill was $200.  2 days ago  you paid it off... so...

Him: So what're you trying to say?

Me: Subtract the ammount you paid from that bill and that's how much you currently owe.

Him: Are you telling me that your billing is wrong?

Me: Sir.  Are you actually trying to tell me that you don't understand what's happened here?  You paid your bill AFTER this was mailed.  AFTER.  If you had paid BEFORE it was mailed, it would be correct, but you paid AFTER it was mailed.  AFTER sir.  AFTER it had been printed and put into the mail.

Him: So... I hate dealing with you people.  Your bills are so confusing.  Just tell me how much money I F-ing owe!

Me: Well... No.  I'm going to make you tell me.  Take the total on the bill in your hand, then subtract the ammount you just paid.  What is the left over ammount?

Him: Ummm... $70?

Me: Yes.  That is how much you currently owe.

Him: Fine.  Why didn't the bill say that in the first place?  *click*

 

idiot

Me: Thank you for choosing Shaw, how can we help you today?

 

Her: I’ve been looking at your services and... am I to understand that for each of my HD TVs I’m going to need a separate box?

 

Me: That is correct Ma’am.  Each TV will require a separate Digital Converter.

 

Her: That really doesn’t work for me.  I have 4 HDTVs and I’m NOT willing to have 4 separate cable boxes.

 

Me: I... see.  Unfortunately, you require a cable terminal to receive HD signal.

Her: TELUS has a MUCH better offer.

 

Me: Well yes, but there’s a reason for that.  You can only have one HDTV and one Standard Def TV, or two standard def TVs.  With Shaw you can have as many HDTVs as you want, you just need the converters for the signal.

 

Her: I don’t believe you.  You’d say anything to keep my service.

 

Me: Not at all Ma’am.  We have people switch to TELUS Tv all the time, for some people, it works.  For most, it doesn’t.  Were you to have only 2 TVs in your house, I would assume that we would lose your business.  Knowing that you have 4, I know that they cannot provide service for your household.

 

Her: Well ha on you then.  My children are both moving out so I’m going to be losing 2 TVs!

 

Me: So... you would only need 2 HD terminals in your house, not 4.

 

Her: I... what?

 

Me: Well, if 2 TVs are leaving, that means that you DON’T need 4 HD Terminals, only 2.  Right?

 

Her: Yes!  And you said that TELUS TV can do 2 TVs.

 

Me: Yes.  Absolutely.  1 HD and 1 Standard Def.  Or 2 Standard Def.  With TELUS, you won’t be able to use one of your HD TVs.

 

Her: That’s fine.  I’ll just hook up my cable from the wall.

 

Me: Ok... well... if you were to do that with TELUS, that might work.  Were you to do that with Shaw, it would work as well.  That way you would only need 1 HD Terminal.

 

Her: You said that I would need 2!  Why do you keep changing your story?

 

Me: I keep changing the information I’m giving you because you keep changing your requirements.  You’ve gone from need HD service on 4 TVs to needing HD service on 2 to now needing HD service on only 1.  You need to decide exactly what level of service you actually require before demanding information.  Either that or accept that as your requirements change, the level of service we will offer you will change.

 

Her: Well... I’m still going to go with TELUS, and we’ll just see won’t we?

 

Me: We will indeed Ma’am.  Thank you for choosing Shaw, and remember, there is no penalty for cancelling your services, or for restarting your services.  We look forward to you rejoining us in the future.

 

 

Because they will

They always come crawling back ;D

Last week:

 

Me: Thank you for choosing Shaw, Charles speaking, how can we help you?"

Them: "Hey!  Looks like we're supposed to choose which cable service we want.  Well, we've decided.  We want to go with <instert cable package here>"

Me: "Excellent.  Is there anything else we can help you out with?"

Them: "No thanks.  We know what we want and are decisive.  Have a good day!"

 

each call, less than 4 minutes.

 

This week:

 

Me: "Thank you for choosing Shaw, charles speaking, how can we help you?"

Them: *sobbing hysterically* "I... I don't want to lose my cable!  I have no idea what's happening and I'm afraid of change!  HELP ME COME TO TERMS WITH THE CHANGE!!!"

Me: *sigh*  "All you need to do is look at that list of channels we sent out to everyone last week.  It will break down all of the channels into the different levels of service."

Them: "I didn't understand it and threw it away!  Now what do I do?"  *weeping uncontrollably.

Me: *explaines in great detail what each different level of service entails*

Me: "Ok.  Now that I've explained every option, what level of service do you want?"

Them: "I... I don't know.  Too many choices!  I'm lost.  Tell me what level of service I want!  Help me!  I'm lost and afraid!"

Me: "Sure!  You get Fully Loaded!!!  Yay!!!  Your new HDPVR will be charged to your account and arriving some time next month!  Thank you for choosing Shaw!"

From: J* L* (Big Boss of local Shaw building)

To: (Azrael)

We would like to thank you for your awesome sales results last week!  Your efforts drove 653 new products and services to our customers.  At an average lift of $10 per customer per month and assuming 12 months retention, you’ve created roughly $78,000 in new revenue. 

 

You have been highlighted on the white board and we have chocolate at our desk for you – swing by and please help yourselves!

---------------------------

 

He has chocolate for me.  Best reward ever for someone who is a participant of the Biggest Loser...

 

Her: I'm having issues with this darn TV.

Me: Ok, well let's try this, the Cable Box is on and on a good channel, What's on the TV?

Her: Nothing

Me: Ok, let's press the power button on the TV

*loud ad in background*

Her: Oh!  The TV is working now.

Me: Yes, that's good.  Is there anything else we can help you with tonight?

Her: Yes!  How do I turn it off again?

Me: Well... press the power button on the TV

Her: Oh!  It worked.  How do I turn it on again?

Me: How do you usually turn it on and off?

Her: With this remote, but it doesn't always work right.

Me: Well, why not just turn it on and off with the TV then.  We know it'll work fine every time.

Her: Will it?  When I turned it off the cable box stayed on.

Me: It's supposed to

Her: Oh?  Oh no!  The TV is off again!  I pressed that darn button and now it's off!  What do I need to do to get it back on?"

Me: Press it again

Her: Well I'll be.  It works every time.

Me: It sure does.  Is there anything else we can help you out with tonight?

Her: Yes!  What should I do when I need to go to bed?

Me: Well... you could always turn the TV off and then go to bed.

Her: Haha!  I guess I could.  and do i do that with the power button on the TV?

Me: Yes indeed.  When it's on and you want to turn it off, press the button.  When it's off and you want it on, press the button.

Her: That's a lot of information to remember.

Me: thankyouforchoosingshawhaveanicenight.  *click*

 

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

That is my favorite one yet.

Wow...I read about 19 pages of this last night....

You know what I realized....

 

That if all of those people had known more love in their lives, they wouldn't be so crabby....

 

*dances around FDM and hums*

 

We would also be more kind to them for not knowing what to do...

 

Love is the way to go people!

Love and peace....

 

:)

omg... I just had this chinese lady call in and yell into the phone with her broken english for 15 minutes grilling me about her bill.  Finally when it comes time for her to actually pay she says "Maybe I should call the Cantonese line and talk with someone who speaks cantonese..."

 

I'm like WTF B!TCH??? Why did you not think to do that for the HARD PART??? 

 

Hmmm... I don't speak english very well, so I'll talk to someone who speaks english and try to muddle through this complex billing issue and then, when I've frustrated myself and the tech on the other end to the point where I'm ready to cry, we'll start talking about making payments... but I want to do that with someone who speaks Cantonese...

 

People... friggin idjits...

 

Canukistani...breathe!

 

Don't blame her for not thinking of it right away...

Having a good life is all about understanding and love...

 

not aggravation and hate...

 

If you get frustrated, sing a song!

A happy song always makes people...well, happy....

 

*starts skipping and picking flowers*

*laughs hysterically*

Again, this is why I refuse to work in tech support. Canuk, you've got a lot more patience than me. :P

 

And that last one.... classic, just classic. ;D

if you'd read the thread title you'd see that i'm not Azrael and this isn't my saga.

.suoivbo ti ekam did eltit eht, elpoep no emoc , tuB .si learzA ohw wonk t'nod I

"But , come on people ,the title did make it obvious."

 

 

Here is a hint for you, Ed- commas go right after the word, there is no need for a space between them.  Additionally, you didn't need a comma after the word "but".  It is a conjunction, and conjunctions generally are connecting words, so they perform almost the same function as a comma.

 

*sings*

 

"Conjunction junction, what's your function?  Hooking up words and phrases and clauses."

 

Claire

/The Grammar Fade

*ykcuD seyE*

*ykcuD sbatS*

*ykcuD sgnirtsmaH*

*yawa sklaw dna smuH*

Them: “Why can’t I order the UFC?”

Me: “You can, just go to the proper channel and press ‘Order’ and you should see the option to buy.”

Them: “Oh, I keep getting that message.  Should I just say ‘yes’ this time?”

Me: “Well... only if you actually want to buy it.”

Them: “What?  I don’t understand.”

Me: “I know sir... I know.  Just click on the YES option and it’ll all be good.”

 

Them: “I ordered the Fight and all I’m getting is a black screen.”

Me: “Can you hear the fight and just not see it?”

Them: “Yes.”

Me: “Ok, go order it in Standard Definition.”

Them: “But I wanted to watch it in High Definition!”

Me: “Do you have an HD TV or an HD Terminal?”

Them: “No.”

Me: “Then you can’t watch it in HD.”

Them: “Fascist Pig!”

Them: “Fascist Pig!”

 

haha. I know someone that would have said that.

HAHAHA. Sorry but I see why people hate being in a call centre