Calmness floated through Cari as night went on. The three children had decided to keep Mommy company this night. It wasn't often that Kate and Aiden felt the need to sleep with Cari, but tonight was special and it felt good to have Fawne lying with them. They each took turns reading from a book the twins loved to read. They'd all been past the need to have a book to fall asleep but the twins at least enjoyed the time with their mother, Cari could only hope Fawne enjoyed it as well.

 

Time passed slowly and each of the children drifted off to sleep. Cari sat awake watching them for a while before drifting off into her own sleep. An eirey calmness fluttered through the bond from Alex and woke Cari. His emotions and feelings were foreign to Cari now and the littlest change woke her peaceful sleeps.

 

The calmness continued and then faded. Cari clutched her head and chest as pain shot through them. Cari stumbled out of bed and tried to make it to the living room to get a glass of water when the final jolt of pain radiated through her mind. Something broke! Panic set in as Cari realized what had happened. Alex, something was wrong with Alex.

 

The pain was too much but Cari managed to make it to the ranch house and find the room he was sleeping in. He was sound asleep but yet the pain in her chest and head rang lounder than any bell every could. She found her way to Alex's bedside and put her hand on his head, he didn't stir. She felt for a pulse and her own pulse quickened. He was dead? How?

 

It didn't take long for Cari to find the cause. An innocent glass of water sat on the bed stand. Cari sniffed it then tossed it to the glass to the floor. It shattered loudly and sent it's contest spilling over the carpeting in the spare room. She didn't care, Alex was dead, and he was dead cause of her.

 

Her only thoughts were of Fawne, it was time to get Fawne out of here. Cari went to her house and sat down in a chair, waiting for dawn to wake. Fawne would go home as soon as the sun rose. The pain still pulsing in her head, Cari knew that sleep would bring her innocence back and that wouldn't get Fawne safe. Sleep was the harbinger of trouble until Fawne was safely back in Tar Valon. Cari hoped it was a quick journey.

 

Cari

Fawne felt someone pull on her arm and then heard her mother tell her to be very quiet. She rose form the bed and found that she was asleep next to the new brother and sister she had just met the day before. They were still asleep and Fawne looked up at her mother, “Should I not wake them?†she asked and her mother put a finger over her lips, then led Fawne out of the room. She took some of Fawne’s things and helped the girl get dressed, as Fawne was very tired and not yet able to put on her own shirt, she was helped with that. Her feet slipped into the leather boots and as she was about to rush back to get her brush, her mother stopped her. “I have to talk to you,†she said and as the first light of morning fell on her face through the open door, Fawne could tell she was incredibly pale.

 

“What is it? Are you sick? Why do I have to be up, why not them too?†she wanted to walk back again, wake up Kate and Aidan and play with them, maybe help out with some chores if that was what this was about. Her mother took her hand and then crouched in front of her, placing a hand on Fawne’s shoulder as she started to speak in a deep voice, seemingly holding something back as she did. “Fawne, I've some bad news, late last night your father slipped into a deep sleep. One that he will never wake from. I don't know how or why, but your father was very sick.†Fawne stared at her mother and then spoke very slow, “He was not that sick, he was tired and… and he was just tired mommy, not that sick,†and thick tears started to run down her cheeks. Her mother held her close, Fawne could tell she was crying now, as her hair got wet from her mother’s tears.

“Can I go see him?†she asked and her mother objected, but Fawne pulled herself out of her mother’s arms. The tears were flooding hard now and she almost ran into the door, trying to steady herself and run out. The door to her father’s room stood ajar and she found him asleep in bed. First she kissed his cheek, then she kissed the back of his hand and stroked his hair. “Come on daddy, wake up now,†she said and laid down on his chest, “You’re not dead, you are just sleeping, you are going home with me, to auntie Elia and you will get married together, just like you promised daddy…†and she sobbed silently as she could feel his cold hand in hers. He was no longer there and she could not go back home with him, not now and not ever. Her mother appeared in the doorway and told her it was time to go. “Why? I do not want to leave him here, not like this,†she said and cried harder now. “I do not want to leave him here, he will be so alone,†and cried even harder.

 

Fawne Namere

Cari didn't try too hard to keep Fawne from Alex's body. She had to see for herself. It was hard to keep things calm and Cari cried for the first time since that night. Alex was truely gone from her life, but more importantly gone from Fawnes.

 

Fawne had to leave, she couldn't stay here. She didn't know how much the little girl knew about her mother, and neither did the rest. Whoever ordered Alex's death could make the same order for Fawne. Cari was frightened for her child's life. Fawne didn't want to go, and Cari really didn't know what to say. Cari let Fawne stay in her father's room and stepped out side.

 

Cari leaned against the wall and slid down to the floor in silent tears. Her head was pounding and crying was making it worse. The pain wasn't nearly as a bad as a full bond breaking but the pain was clearly raidiating in her head and her heart ached with the loss of her former lover, the man she was totally in love with. Her daughters pain sent waves of tears through Cari and there was little she could do now other than keep her daughter safe.

 

Cari could hear Fawne muttering in Alex's room. Trying to wake him and telling him not to leave her, she would never leave him alone. Cari heard footsteps but didn't look up, it didn't matter who it was, they were all friends with Cari, Fawne was her only concern and she could act if needed.

 

Cari

Her heart had felt heavy ever since Alex had excused himself from dinner. She had expected the poison she gave him to act sooner, but it didn’t. For a moment it had puzzled her, until she realised that it could only be because he hadn’t consumed it straight away. That was always the risk with poisons that weren’t delivered through skin contact, or directly injected into the blood. For a moment she had allowed herself to hope that Alex Namere stood a chance. That he understood what was in the cup, and that he would live. When she saw him grow tired rapidly during dinner, she knew it was not the case. By that time the poison had worked it’s way into his blood, his heart and his lungs. His heart would slow, and his lungs would resist every breath. It was a peaceful death, or at least that was what she wanted to believe. The innocent man deserved a peaceful death.

 

Her sleep had been restless, plagued by the fact that in her mind, Alex had not deserved to die. Finally she had resigned with her fate, as well as that of Alex. She would follow orders, even when she did not agree with them. It was a part of who she had become, of who her mother had been, and also a part of what Cari herself was. Early in the next morning she rose, preparing breakfast for the hands at the Ranch. Silence reigned over the Ranch during the early hours of the morning. Nathan would be up first, enjoying a cup of tea and a bowl of porridge in her kitchen before checking on the horses. It were these regularities that gave her peace. Yet when she heard people move around, she instantly knew it was well before Nathan’s waking time. She moved down the hallway, and found Cari standing next to Alex door, her head bowed and her shoulder shaking with quiet sobs.

 

Slowly she moved closer, not sure of what to say. Cari must have discovered that Alex was no longer in this world, but did that also mean she knew it had been Nona’s hand that delivered the poison? And even more, did she blame Nona for it? As she came closer she heard babbling coming from inside Alex room. Little Fawne, whom she had fed a cookie no more than a day before now, was trying to wake up her father, telling him that her mother wanted to leave him behind, and saying that she didn’t want to leave him behind. Cari intended to leave, and Nona couldn’t blame her. She would have done the same herself. Not knowing why Alex had been ordered dead, and having the little girl around, harmless and helpless… Oh yes, Nona would definitely have done the same.

 

She turned to look at Cari again. The woman’s shoulders were still shaking, and there was something about her posture that pained Nona to the very core of her being. “Cari.†She spoke, her voice soft and warm. Nona gently placed a hand on Cari’s shoulder, ignoring the way Cari’s hand twitched, as if she was about to reach for a hidden dagger. “Cari, I’m so sorry…†The tension remained in Cari’s posture, and Nona let her hand fall from the other woman’s shoulder, wringing it in her apron instead. She glanced at the door, where she could still hear Fawne, her muttering stopped by the occasional sob. “Please stay, Cari. For the burial, at least. Allow her to say goodbye to her father.†She signed again. “It’ll haunt her forever if she doesn’t get to say goodbye.â€

Cari looked up at Nona, she knew who had done the deed. Cari glared at Nona for a moment before hanging her head again. Her head pounded with every word the woman said. The pain was becoming too unbearable, Sleep would come and the pain would ease if she let it.

 

Cari merely nodded at Nona. She didn't have much more to say to the woman who had poisoned her love. Cari would get over it, it was only anger now at the loss that carried such venom. She tried not to take out the pain on her friend. "Things will change if I stay, sleep will bring upon peace of mind." No one here knew of the heart bond, or the pain she was suffering right now. Did Fawne even know?

 

Cari stammered out. "Stay ... till... funeral." The pain was overcoming her basic senses. "I ... will ... tell ... Fawne." Cari hoped that Nona would think it was because of the crying, but it didn't matter anyway, there was nothing that could be done now. Cari wondered if Nona cared that she'd hurt her more than she knew. Not just the death of her lover, but the breaking of the heart bond. Cari sighed and gave Nona a hug to ease the tension she knew would follow this tragedy.

 

Cari stepped into the room Fawne was crying in. And held her daughter from behind and whispered. "We can stay to say good-bye." Cari let the little girl cry and she herself laid down next to her former lover and rest her head. Morbid maybe but her head hurt too much to care. Sleep came and Cari knew she'd not wake for several days. Her only hope was that she'd read the journal under her pillow when she woke.

 

Cari

If there ever was more pain to fall on one person’s shoulders, to capture one person’s soul and crunch it with every breath she took, it would have to kill her. For Fawne Namere cried until her eyes were dry and void of more tears to shed, she cried, screamed and then resolved to quiet sobbing. Her mother came back on the idea that they were to leave right away and Fawne suspected Nona had something to do with that decision. It did not matter, they could not drag her off with horses, she was with her father, the last of the family she had known all her life. Finally her mother laid down next to her father and fell asleep in tears, Fawne did not see this as she was too engulfed in her own pain. She could not sleep and when Nona’s hands took her shoulders she let them take her away. With her 12 years of age, Fawne realized that her mother was broken by pain and needed to be with Alex and say goodbye.

 

Nona made her some tea as they sat down in the kitchen at the table. Fawne’s eyes were redrimmed and big, staring into her tea cup as memories danced past her in the heated water. She felt the pain of loss sink into her bones and finally looked up at Nona and said, “Why did he have to go, I still need him…. He left me alone here…..†she sighed and felt the rim of her cup with her finger, “I miss him Miss Nona, so very much,†and then let out a deep sigh. There were no more tears to shed now, the pain was clenching onto her heart and Fawne knew that it was her memories that kept her going. She was not dead herself and her father could not be brought back, still she was not sure what would happen now and liked the idea of just staring into her cup and not knowing. After a while, Fawne looked up and suddenly expected her father to appear in the door opening, it was not Alex however, it was the master of the house who appeared and told her he was sorry for her loss. Then he disappeared and Fawne paid him no more mind, she did not understand and her face was a questionmark, full of pain and hurting. “Why did he die…†she said and found the tears to cry again, a single drop falling in her teacup and splashing a fixed image of her father into small drops of boiled tea water. He was gone.

 

Fawne

After a long time of hesitation, Nona moved forward, from the hall into the room where Alex lay dead. She saw that Cari had rested her head on his chest, sleeping. Soon enough she would have to move as his body was prepared for the funeral. But not yet. For now she could sleep peacefully. Gently placing her hands on the shoulders of Fawne, she guided the young woman out of the room, and towards the kitchen. Silently she allowed Fawne to sit, tending to her minor needs wordlessly, as the greatest need the child had could not be fulfilled. Nona went about her business, tears occasionally welling up at the sight or sound of Fawne as the girl sobbed above her tea.

 

Nathan appeared for a moment to offer his regrets for Fawne’s loss, and for one intense moment Nona hated the man who had guided her hand in the killing of Alex Namere. “People.†She huffed as he walked out the door. Once again life proved to her that only children had hearts pure enough to be trusted. As she watched Fawne she wondered if she had been the one to ruin this child. Would Fawne ever regain the innocence she had lost on this day? Nona could only hope and care, offering her sympathy and support to the girl sitting at the table. After a while of giving the girl her space to deal with the events, Nona settled beside her, wrapping an arm around her slumped shoulder.

 

“Of Fawne, I’m so sorry… So sorry your father left this world before you were ready for him to go. Some times the creator does things that we don’t understand, but you have to have faith that whatever reason he has, it’s worth it.†The talk about the creator sounded empty in Nona’s own ears. She had lost her own faith years ago, throwing in her lot with the Great Lord of the Dark. But he was a cruel master, and perhaps even more likely to take without giving. “Just imagine that your father is somewhere just beyond your reach. Like he’s standing on the other side of a river that’s too wide and too deep for you to cross. But that doesn’t mean he’ll leave there. He’ll be on the other side of the river, waiting for you. One day, a long time from now, the creator will show you a way to go there. And when you come to the other side, you won’t just find your father, but you’ll also find everyone that ever died. They’re all waiting for us, sweetheart, and though we’re not able to see them, they can see us, and they’re watching over us at all times.â€

Fawne listened quietly as Nona spoke, she found the thought of her father waiting for her on the other side of the river, out of reach but not that far away, peaceful in some way. Maybe she should tell her mother that daddy was not really gone, that he was still there. She let a small smile cover her lips and looked up at Nona, “Yes, that’s nice,†she said and sipped on her tea, quietly. They were left alone it seemed as after Nathan, none appeared in the kitchen. Fawne did not care, she liked to be alone and apart from Nona did not really want to see anyone else. Then she looked up at Nona and said, in a solemn voice, “I should wake up mommy, she might not want to believe it now, but she has to be there for Aidan and Kate, they need her,†and then rose from her seat.

 

Her cheeks dry, Fawne found herself standing in front of the door to her father’s room. She peeked inside to find her mother deep asleep, her head on his chest and his arm clutching around him. All of a sudden a burst of anger struck her, she had no right to mourn him like that! If she had not left Tar Valon to start her new life, Fawne had not been without her mother for all her life. And now she wanted to take Fawne back to that life and leave her without any family at all. She started to run for the bed and pulled hard on the woman’s arm, then lifted the weight and pushed it back. “You do not belong there! You left and you did not watch over me like daddy is going to do, he was going to marry aunt Elia and now he is gone….now he is gone,†she started to sob again, violently and with cries that pierced through to the bone.

 

Nona appeared in the doorway and tried to pull Fawne away, but Fawne did not let herself be lead away this time. “I do not want to leave him, he is my daddy!†and trampled when Cari tried to hold her, kicking the woman in the shins. “I wish we had never gone here, I would have still had my daddy!†and then ran down the stairs, away from the woman who had tried and succeeded to ruin her life. In a final stammer outside the house, Fawne looked up at the window where her father had been standing the night before and whispered, “He was my daddy and you left him,†then ran off to hide in the stables. She did not know where to go, just that she did not want them to find her. The loft over the barn was empty, there was on hay kept there as of yet, spring provided enough fresh grass on the land outside the Ranch for the horses and cattle to live on. Fawne hid behind a stack of horse blankets and rocked herself to and fro, trying to steady herself and calmly letting memories of her father passing before her eyes.

 

Fawne Namere

Cari was woken by a child. A child who looked familiar. Stammering crying and hitting Cari was confused but tried to control the child. But the girl ran out before she could even understand what was going on.

 

She looked down and found a man, she'd once met, and loved. But he loved another, why was she sharing his bed? Cari looked closer and saw no breathe. She looked up but found no one to explain. Hopefully the journal would do, but Cari hoped that little girl wasn't the daughter of the man. Her daughter. A strange pendant peaked from Alex's shirt. Cari carefully undid the pendant and put it in her pocket. It had a strange pull, it felt important to take it. Why she didn't know, but she trusted her insticts to lead her through this time. She wondered how long she'd be around to remember things.

 

Cari made her way carefully to the kitchen, only getting lost in the house once. Miss Nalia, Cari thought that was her name, pointed the direction. How long had it been since she'd been gone from the world. Miss Nona was in the kitchen. "I take it something bad happened with me?" Nona merely nodded. "And ... Fawne ... she ran out? Did you see her? I'm not sure I can comfort her as her mother could but I can try to be that person."

 

Cari left the house and began looking around the ranch. She'd end up lost, but maybe she'd find the little girl. She found her sitting in a corner behind a stack of blankets, just out of view. Cari stood over and watched as the girl got tried not to cry dry tears. Those were the worst kind. Cari approached slowly and readied herself for an attack. "I'm sorry your father has passed. I know he loved you very much. I know he'd never have left you willingly." Cari wondered how the man had died and why they had come. It would be a while before she would be able to find out.

 

Cari

What was wrong with this woman? Fawne tried to think of her as her mother, but the more she was around this strange woman, the less she felt like this was her mother. She did not want to share in Fawne’s grief, she wanted to revel in her own grief and loss. And that for a woman who had not been around for 8 years. Fawne looked up at the woman defiantly and said, “We came here because I wanted to meet my mother and now I lost my father, of course he did not leave willingly. Did you kill him?†she was shocked by her own words and clasped a hand over her mouth. The blank stare in the other woman’s face told her nothing, not an ounce of love washed over her as she stood there, staring and gaping after such a cruel remark.

 

Fawne ran out of the barn as fast as she could, there was no point in trying to talk to the woman. She was not Fawne’s mother and she did not even try to be, Fawne understood why her father had kept her away from this place and suddenly regretted coming here. She settled on the bench they had all three sat on the day before and sobbed quietly, “If we had not gone down here, dad would still be alive…†and then looked up to find Cari staring at her again. The woman was following her in an attempt to care for Fawne, but did she not see that standing by would not help? Fawne was angry at herself now mostly, for not understanding other people’s grief. She reached out her hand and said, “I know you did not kill him, I’m sorry I said that,†and then waited for her mother to settle next to her. “I miss him so much,†and then looked up at Cari, “Maybe we could find out where he lived and bury him there? He’s from Cairhien, I’m just not sure where exactly, maybe his family died already,†she had never heard him speak much about his family. But at least she knew that he was from around here and something told her that he would not want to be buried on the Ranch. She just knew that, even through all the pain of his loss.

Cari was shocked by the force of the little girls anger. To blame her mother for killing the man she once loved, and still did. Cari barely knew the man, but she knew she loved him.

 

Sitting on the bench talking of family brought tears to her eyes. She was sure she didn't know of the man's family. Instincts told her as much. Cari put a loving arm around the little girl. It wasn't hard to love her and care for her. She was sure Fawne would not recognize her if she stayed too long, she only hoped that whatever happened would remedy itself soon. Only the journal held that key and she'd not yet found the time to read it.

 

"I'm sure we can look for them. If not we can find a pretty place away from the ranch where we can bury him. I think he'd rather spend the rest of his afterlife in a pretty place then some dirty cemetary anyway." Cari held Fawne close and knew she'd cry easily at the close contact. How could a father leave a child who so desperately need him? How could a mother for that matter? She was suddenly angry at herself. "If we bury him close to the ranch's borders you can come visit him any time with ease. I think your father would enjoy your visits now, just as much as he did seeing you everyday. He may not be here physically but he's always here in our hearts." Cari hugged the little girl and hoped things would resolve quickly, her mother should be here doing this, not a even bigger stranger.

 

Cari

“Yes, then at least I can always find him,†Fawne said and felt a little calmer now. Her mother’s arms around her still felt strange, but at least she was not completely alone. She did not have to feel so alone, with her mother holding her tightly. “I would like to go home after we bury dad,†she said in a solemn voice and looked up at her mother, blinking some tears away. “I want to tell his friends in Tar Valon and…I don’t want to have to send them a letter,†would she tell Cari about Elia’s baby. She was not sure how the woman would react to that news and really, Fawne could not handle another breakdown, she was going through too much pain to ask for more now. So she kept it to herself, her mother was presumed dead in Tar Valon and as such would not stay long in the city, not long enough to see Elia probably. Fawne pushed those thoughts away and concentrated on breathing steadily. Suddenly, she was very tired and just wanted to sleep. “Can I go and sleep in your house mom?†she asked and as her mother told her it was ok, found her way to Kate’s bedroom. The children were still fast asleep in their mother’s bed and would soon be waking up, Fawne did not want to be there, awake when they heard the news. She just wanted to sleep and when she would wake up, hope this was all just a bad dream.

 

Fawne Namere

Cari really didn't want to deal with this. Even the journal held little information. Just Alex had come to visit with Fawne, and that he'd passed on. From the handwriting she could tell that she was in pain, and the last entry was an after thought. Usually Cari could stay in the house and just tend the children, this time was different, she hoped that someone could help her.

 

The twins woke and Cari told them the news. Thankfully they nodded and said nothing else. They didn't really know him. Cari wondered if he had been their father. But then again, she was sure they'd not been together in a year when she'd seen him last. She doubted they'd be back togethere by the time she was left to sleep, he was after all in love with another.

 

It would be good for Fawne to go home, back to her true family. She hadn't mentioned her, and Cari wondered if they were still together, but she wouldn't ask. Things were different now.

 

Cari did make an effort to look up Namere's in Cairhein. Nathan had eyes and ears everywhere and news traveled quickly. Cari never wondered why he had so many contacts, it wasn't her place to question, she wasn't around long enough.

 

A day passed and Nathan's contacts didn't bear any fruits. Cari woke early the next morning and let the children sleep, she wandered the edge of the ranch looking for appropriate places to show Fawne, writing them down in her journal with good descriptions, just in case she was healed before she showed the young girl.

 

Chores were difficult and Nathan understood. Pay would be docked and Cari might not care, but she worried about the children figuring out she wasn't herself. She slept often trying to wake up a different person, but it hardly worked. Tensions were high this go around. Something was very odd about how some of the folks acted around both herself and her eldest daughter. It was most noticable at dinner. It was really time to get the girl home.

 

Cari dutifully wrote in the journal that night. And hoped she'd wake when the troubles were gone. And thankfully the following morning Cari woke up releaved of the pain she'd felt before falling asleep. She rubbed her head and wondered how long she'd been asleep. The journal was under her pillow and she lite the near by candle to read. It hadn't been long, Fawne was still here. Sleeping with Kate. Cari looked in on the girls and was happy to see them sleeping soundly.

 

Cari felt an odd lump her her pocket. The pendant she'd given Alex was pulled out when she reached in. She'd give it to Fawne later. Maybe when they found a place to bury Alex. Cari found Nathan and told him the good news. Good for him, he didn't have to play cat and mouse with her former self and he visibly relaxed. "She'll leave after the funeral. She doesn't belong here anymore than I do in Tar Valon."

 

The children were awake by the time she'd reached her house. "Fawne, we should go for a walk today, just you and me. Find your father's burial site. I've a few spots in mind."

 

Cari

As they walked over the Ranch, Fawne could tell that her mother had thought this through. She carried a journal under her arm, but Fawne did not ask what it was for. Maybe she kept dried flowers in it from the place she had chosen. As they walked on, Cari suddenly stopped and showed Fawne a spot where some wild flowers grew. She liked it but asked if they could walk on a bit, they were still very close to the Ranch. “Sure,†her mother said and pointed eastwards, they found a spot after a long walk. It was covered in wild roses and Fawne loved it, she crouched next to the flowers and said, “Yes, this is the spot, tomorrow morning at dawn we can bury him here,†she nodded at her mother, who then nodded and said they would leave right after. Fawne did not care, her father would be in a safe place, far away from the Ranch and he would like the flowers. She would not stand over his grave, weeping when his lover and his friends did not even know he was dead. “Alright,†she said and picked a flower up from the spot, “if you put this in your journal, we will never forget where he is buried,†and picked a flower up for herself. She might give it to Elia, as something to hold on to when thinking back on Alex. Fawne was all of a sudden very much aware of her role as messenger and it scared her. How would she tell people that her dad had died, especially since she had no clue how this had passed.

 

The funeral was the next morning at dawn, just as Fawne had asked her mother. They had spent the day before packing their belongings and preparing the horses. Her mother had found the man Nathan ready to lend them a cart and Miss Nona would drive it as Fawne and Cari followed on their horses. They would bury Alex, say goodbye and then leave. It was Fawne’s wish that it would just be the three of them, something told her that was what her father would have liked. Just the people who had been truly open and nice to Fawne. She patted the horse’s neck and watched as Cari and Nona prepared the body, covered in linens. The whole had been dug the day before by two young men who did chores on the Ranch. They had ruined part of the flower bed with their crude shoveling and Fawne did her best to arrange some of the wild flowers, so she could put them over his grave. The two women let Alex sink into the hole, then they all three started to put the dirt over him. Fawne did not cry during these proceedings but tried to focus on leaving her father in the proper way. She watched as the flowers were put on top and then crouched where she knew his head lay. “Daddy, if you can hear me, I love you… I am going back to Tar Valon now, I wish you were coming with me, I will always remember you daddy.†She looked over the two women standing together at the other end of the grave. “I will return daddy and I will never forget you,†she kissed the petals of one of the deep red wild roses and placed it on the grave. “Goodbye,†then turned to her horse and waited for Cari to be ready for the long trip to Tar Valon.

 

Fawne Namere

Cari watched as Fawne said her good-byes and let tears flow. It was going to be along journery for the young woman who now presented herself at her father's funeral. Growing up too fast was not a good thing.

 

Cari took Kate and Aiden to Achet's house on the way. He had agreed to watch the children while she returned to Tar Valon. She promised to tell him everything when she returned. Well not everything but at least about Alex and Fawne, there were secrets should would not share with anyone short of known friends of the dark again. She was sure that was the reason Alex's death had been ordered. It had been her fault. She'd always told Alex if he'd gotten in the way she'd kill him. How true that came to be in the end.

 

An hour out of town Cari dropped off of Tain Cor and started walking at a slow pace. She was still sad over Alex's death, and it dawned on her that her own caretaker had died at roughly the same age. She'd been a year younger, but that mattered little. Cari reached into her pocket and found the pendant she'd once given Alex. "Let's stop here and have a quick snack. We aren't in a big rush to be in Tar Valon are we?"

 

Cari sat down on a moss covered rock and fiddled with the pendant while Fawne busied herself with the tea. It would be cold, but it would be refreshing. "Come sit, I've got something I want to share."

 

Cari held the pendant up by it's chain. Fawne's eyes grew wide as she recognized her father's pendant. "Your father once asked me to marry him. I wasn't ready at the time, and I do regret it, and it was the start of our long journey of destruction on our relationship. But because I couldn't wear the wedding band I gave your father this. It was the only thing that meant as much to me as he did." Cari let the pendant dance in the ray of sunlight that filtered through the heavy canopy of trees. Cari turned towards her daughter and hand picked up the girls free hand and placed the pendant in her hand and closed it around it. "I think he'd want you to have it."

 

Cari

A small ivory elephant with gold tusks danced on a thin golden chain, she liked it and wondered where her mother got it from so suddenly. Then Cari explained how it had been a gift her father had worn and Fawne realized she liked it because she had seen it sometimes. Not often as he wore it under his shirts, but she knew he had never taken it off. Now it would be even more difficult to admit to Cari that her father was with Elia, that they’d have a baby together. She felt tears well up behind her eyes and quickly threw her arms around Cari’s neck, so that she could hide her face and what she felt. Oh how she missed her father, and why did he have to go so far away from home…

 

Fawne sipped on her tea and then asked if her mother could tell her a bit about the days when they were still together. Her mother hesitated but told her about how they had met and how he had bonded an Aes Sedai of the Blue Ajah. She mentioned an Accepted but did not explain more and Fawne’s brow furrowed as she heard the woman’s name, Leona. Was that not the Red Sister who had test her in the Tower they day before they left? Fawne tucked the information deep inside her head and continued to listen and ask questions about the time Alexander Namere and Cari spent together. She did not call herself by the name she used then, nor did she explain how the change had come over her. Fawne took it as that her mother was simply not ready and was there not enough to worry about already?

 

They cleaned up and went back on the horses, riding for a few hours calmly towards the border of Cairhien when Fawne asked her mother how she would feel being back in the city. “Will it not be strange if people recognize you, they think you are dead after all…†she said hesitantly.

Cari hesitated in answering. What if she saw Yrean or Reikan? She sighed. "Well I hope not to go anywhere people will recongize me." She smiled at her daughter. "I've had good practice at not being the Warder they all knew. I think they will find it difficult to think a woman in skirts and makeup is really Matalina." It had been the first time she'd used her old name in ten years. Even after she'd left Tar Valon she'd been going by Cari, it was second nature to her now. Neither were her given name anyway, she'd made them both up.

 

"I won't be staying long in Tar Valon. The risk would be too great. I will stay as long as you need me to, to get settled back into your life." Cari wondered if she'd see Reikan at all. She wondered if he'd ever find out he had two wonderful children in Cairhein.

 

"I'm sure you will be eager to get back into the routine of things. It will help with missing your father." Cari wondered if Fawne would ever come back to the ranch. "If things go well today, and if you'd like, maybe next year when Aiden and Kate can travel a little farther on horse back with out getting antsy, the three of us can come visit you in Tar Valon."

 

Cari

Fawne nodded absentmindedly, the further they got away from the Ranch and the flowerbed under which her father laid to rest, the heavier the burden got of returning to Tar Valon. To his house, to his room, his friends and all the places he would visit. She wanted this trip to be over and on the other hand never to reach the city. The necklace around her neck, the dried flower she had stuffed in a clean shirt that she had folded tightly so it would keep the rose safe.

 

They slept in inns, but every morning they were gone before breakfast and her mother never wanted to have dinner in a common room. And the closer they got to Tar Valon, Fawne could feel that her mother was growing more tense. She was waiting for someone, maybe expecting to run into someone, someone she’d rather not see. Fawne was getting a little anxious from her behavior and on the night before they would reach the city, she asked her mother to come sit with her.

 

The inn they were sleeping in was old and the boards creaked as you stepped around in the room. They shared a large double bed as the owner overpriced their stay and her mother wanted to give Fawne some coin to live of in Tar Valon. Or so she told Fawne, they had just finished a meal of mashed potatoes and cold chicken and Fawne wanted to make sure her mother felt comfortable entering Tar Valon. “I know my way around, I was on the streets playing, running errands for years before we left, you could see me to at the City gate and nobody would have to know it was you,†she watched as her mother’s pale face looked back at her. “I will go to Lilah, and then to the Sirens Call, I will write to you, maybe even visit some time when I’m older, see†she said and tears streamed down her face.

 

She had not cried during the waking hours of their travels, but she had cried herself to sleep almost every night. Again she was saying goodbye to a parent, this one not very close to her, but they had spent time together on horseback and talked about the past her parents shared so many years ago. It was as if they had made up for lost time, at least they had tried to.

One more day and they'd reach Tar Valon. Fawne tried to comfort her mother and Cari was glad for the concern, but this wasn't about Cari, if someone found out they'd never be able to prove it and she'd leave immediately afterwards.

 

Cari hugged Fawne close as she started to cry again. "I will be okay, my dear, I will go as far as you wish me. Even to tell your father's friends of his passing if you want me to." She held her close and put her chin on Fawne's head. "I'm sorry I can't stay with you longer, but I will stay till you feel comfortable. The choice is yours."

 

Cari wondered who his friends consisted of and who knew where he'd gone. Fear wasn't something she felt often, but she would do anything to insure her daughter was safe. Even be sent to the brig for falsly sending in reports of her demise. "You are my first concern right now Fawne."

 

Cari

Continued on the TV board:

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