So I've never claimed to be completely sane, but sometimes I wonder about myself.

 

I have had this habit of talking out loud to my cats for so long that I don't think I could break it if I tried. And sometimes, the things that come out of my mouth when talking to the cats... well, they amuse me.

 

Hence ==> Twitter.

 

I've been tweeting #thingsmycatsmakemesay off and on for a good year and a half now, and thought I'd share some of them with my tainted friends here.

 

Feel free to chime in with things your pets or children cause you to say that are, in or out of context, amusing.

"I don't know what your damage is, but I would very much like it to be less damaged right now."

#thingsmycatsmakemesay

"Will you quit biting my head???"

#thingsmycatsmakemesay

"Excuse me... that was my nose you were sticking your tongue up."

#thingsmycatsmakemesay

"Does my arm really taste that good, or are you trying to wear a hole through it one layer of skin at a time?"

#thingsmycatsmakemesay

"I'm not so sure it's a good idea for you to lick that."

#thingsmycatsmakemesay

"You're adorable. Have I mentioned that? In the past five minutes?"

#thingsmycatsmakemesay

"I don't mind you being on my tummy, I'd just prefer that you don't... poke holes in it."

#thingsmycatsmakemesay

"Well good morning, handsome! Aren't you just the sweetest -- OWIE. CLAWS."

#thingsmycatsmakemesay

"Such a whiner, Kitta! I shall call you Kit Fuzzington, because you are emo like Jon Snow."

#thingsmycatsmakemesay #gameofthrones

"I see you over there, fuzzypants."

#thingsmycatsmakemesay

"Why are you following me around like a big lump of dumb?"

#thingsmycatsmakemesay

"They say silence is golden. I would very much like to gild you right now."

#thingsmycatsmakemesay

"I'll take Whining Whiners who Whine for $100, Alex."

#thingsmycatsmakemesay

"Will you please settle down? Are you trying to bruise my spleen?"

#thingsmycatsmakemesay

"No matter how long you paw at that glass, you're never going to get to the kitty reflected in it. Just sayin'."

#thingsmycatsmakemesay

"Yes, I had to mess with you. You are adorable. Adorableness must be messed with - especially when it is sleeping."

#thingsmycatsmakemesay

"What's that? Sorry, I don't speak Whiner."

#thingsmycatsmakemesay

"We're going to have a talk, you and I. And that talk is going to consist of "Hi. You're on my pillow.""

#thingsmycatsmakemesay

"What are you going on about? Are you having fuzzy little issues?"

#thingsmycatsmakemesay

"Just what I wanted! Cat fur all over the bathtub! THANKS!"

#thingsmycatsmakemesay

"IT IS NOT UPPY-TIME YET. SHHHHHHHH."

#thingsmycatsmakemesay

I've said variations on at least half of those before.

"You have the WHOLE WORLD outside the house in which to throw up. Why must you run inside to do it on my carpet?"

#thingsmycatsmakemesay

"What? You're having issues? Would you like to tell me all about them? Meow?"

#thingsmycatsmakemesay