It was a waste of time.

Because no matter how much I might like what I am

If no one else does

Then obviously I'm doing something wrong.

And since I have no idea what I'm doing wrong

That means there's something wrong with me.

I'd love to change it, folks.

But no one does me the courtesy of telling me what it is that I need to change.

No one.

I can name 1 person who ever tells me I'm awesome.

I can name 4 who randomly come up to me and tell me they love me (my 3 youngest brothers and occasionally my mom).

Everyone else tolerates me or likes me despite myself.

I'm not exaggerating, either.

My closest friends say a variation of one of these things:

 

"It's a good thing you're pretty."

 

"You're such a terrible person."

 

"It doesn't matter if I like you. I choose to be your friend anyway."

Everyone else has some thing about me that they like, and that's their thing they interact with me on.

But beyond that? Forget it. Not important.

Or else they don't like me at all, but put up with me because they have to, for whatever reason.

And like...you can't please everybody, right?

Well, wouldn't it be nice if I could please more than literally a handful of people?

But whatever.

Who cares.

Me.

And I'm nobody.

I am just...

A messed-up