Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late.

Sam Levenson

Vegetarian: an old Indian word for bad hunter

Author unknown

It’s so beautifully arranged on the plate – you know someone’s fingers have been all over it.

Julia Child

In Mexico, we have a word for sushi: bait.

José Simons

I’m not sure what makes pepperoni so good – if it’s the pepper or the oni.

Ulrik Stephens

I like rice. Rice is great if you’re hungry and want 2000 of something.

Mitch Hedberg

Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is.

P. J. O’Rourke

I’ve been on a diet for two weeks and all I’ve lost is two weeks.

Totie Fields

Nouvelle Cuisine, roughly translated, means: I can’t believe I paid ninety-six dollars and I’m still hungry.

Mike Kalin

I’ll have a double cappuccino, half-caf, non-fat milk, with enough foam to be aesthetically pleasing, but not so much that it would leave a moustache.

Niles Crane, Frasier

Fun-sized Snickers? Who’s this fun for? Not me. I need six or seven of these babies in a row to start having fun.

Jeff Carlin

I cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.

W.C. Fields

The two biggest sellers in bookstores are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it.

Andy Rooney

The only two things I don’t eat for breakfast are lunch and dinner.

Author unknown

We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police.

Jeff Mander

Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.

Jim Davis

Pepperidge Farm bread… that’s fancy bread. You can tell it’s fancy because it’s wrapped twice. You open it, and it still isn’t open. That’s why I don’t buy it. I don’t need another step between me and toast.

Mitch Hedberg

“If God had intended us to be vegetarians, why did He make animals out of meat?” – John Cleese

You better cut the pizza in four pieces, because I'm not hungry enough to eat six. ~Yogi Berra

Food is an important part of a balanced diet. ~Fran Lebowitz

When I get a little money, I buy books. And if there is any left over, I buy food. ~Desiderius Erasmus

 

<3

Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. ~Mark Twain

"He was a bold man that first ate an oyster"

- Jonathan Swift

"Never eat more than you can lift"

- Miss Piggy

Off to school...