Miss Hoover: Now put paste on your paper. Ralph, are you eating your paste?

Ralph Wiggum: (Gluestick poking out of his mouth) No, Miss. Hoover.

“We are repeatedly what we do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” - Aristotle

Cheif Wiggum: Looks like you bought yourself a lottery ticket...to jail!

Lou: He's unconscious, sir.

Chief Wiggum: Ah, they can still hear things.

lawsy. ive had this stupid logitech google tv for months and i finally figured out how to power it off. had to unplug it. no other option. i feel much better now.

Dr. Pryor: Here's your scientifically selected career.

Janey: Architect.

Kid: Insurance salesman,

Ralph: Salmon gutter?

Milhouse: Military strongman.

Martin: Systems analyst. Systems analyst.

Dr. Pryor: Systems analyst.

Martin: All right!

Lisa: Homemaker?

Dr. Pryor: Mm-hm. It's like a mommy.

Bart: Police officer? Well, I'll be jiggered.

“Reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears.” - Marcus Aurelius

oh yeah 35 easy

Umpire: Okay, let's go over the ground rules. You can't leave first until you chug a beer. Any man scoring has to chug a beer. You have to chug a beer at the top of all odd-numbered innings. Oh, and the fourth inning is the beer inning.

Wiggum: Hey, we know how to play softball!

“Most of what we say and do is not essential. If you can eliminate it, you’ll have more time, and more tranquility. Ask yourself at every moment, ‘Is this necessary?’” – Marcus Aurelius

Eddie: She's locked in the car and refuses to move.

Chief Wiggum: Did you flash your lights?

Eddie: Yes.

Chief Wiggum: Well, I'm fresh out of ideas.

crtap lost a remote doing that.

 

too much stuff.

 

too to much stuff.

“Dig within. Within is the wellspring of good; and it is always ready to bubble up, if you just dig.” – Marcus Aurelius

(Show and tell)

Ralph: And when the doctor said I didn't have worms anymore, that was the happiest day of my life!

“From the pine tree, learn of the pine tree; And from the bamboo, of the bamboo” – Basho

Chief Wiggum: I'm afraid we've got a budget problem, Marge. Your boy picked a bad time to fall down a well. If he had done it at the beginning of the fiscal year, no problemo.

Chief Wiggum: Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city. He is the cancer, and I am the...um...What cures cancer?

“All you need is love, love, love is all you need.” – The Beatles

Ralph: I'm going to eat chocolate till I barf!

“Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you you’ve decided to look beyond imperfections.” – T. Bernard

Chief Wiggum: You're all under arrest for the murder of Seymour Skinner!

Fat Tony: What's a murder?

Chief Wiggum: Don't play dumb with me!

Chief Wiggum: (to Fat Tony) I'm not gonna stop until one of us is in jail. (pause) You!

Chief Wiggum: You wouldn't happen to know anything about a cigarette truck that was hijacked outside of town, would you?

Fat Tony: What's a truck?

Chief Wiggum: Don't play dumb with me!

“If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant; if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome.“ – Charlotte Bronte

Ralph: What's Lyme Disease?

Principal Skinner: I'll field that one. Lyme disease is spread by small parasites called ticks. When a diseased tick attaches itself to you, it begins sucking your blood. Malignant spirochetes infect your bloodstream, eventually spreading to your spinal fluid and on into the brain.

Miss Hoover: The Brain? Oh dear god!

“Connection gives purpose and meaning to our lives.“ – Brene Brown